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peculiar situation
Posted by mysthappen
12/22/2010  2:38:00 AM
I have been dancing with my current instructor for the last two years. His wife has started working in his studio in her line of business. Lately its starting . to get very tense. During my lessons she will stare and generally not with a very happy expression on her face when we dance. There is nothing I've done that has been improper. I always try to be very friendly to her. But this staring is really distracting and it's getting harder to focus. I don't want things to escalate. He is a great teacher but if things continue I may end up having to move on. I don't want to because I have learned so much. Any suggestions..anyone
Re: peculiar situation
Posted by Telemark
12/22/2010  5:41:00 AM
Tell your instructor, gently, how you feel. It's his job to put you at your ease, and it's your money.
You must be hotter than his wife.
Posted by jofjonesboro
12/22/2010  2:38:00 PM
Remember your junior high school days. Make a frumpy girl (wife in this case) feel better by flattering her in front of her boyfriend (i.e. husband).

Do you have a guy friend who's willing to come into your studio and "flirt" with her? Then you can pretend to be jealous (remember, I said "junior high school").

You may also want to start dressing down for your lessons, less cleavage and more gym sock.

Good luck.

jj
Re: peculiar situation
Posted by silver
12/22/2010  11:30:00 AM
Don't let this woman get to you. It sounds likes his wife has some insecurity issues, but that's her problem, not your's. Continue to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner, speak to your instructor, and continue with your lessons. Telemark is correct in pointing out that you're the one paying for this time, so your teacher needs to rectify the situation. In the meantime, don't let the lady's intimidation tactics get to you.
Re: peculiar situation
Posted by dheun
12/22/2010  1:37:00 PM
Any other students encountering same problem? Has it occurred in the past as well? It should be fairly easy to find out, and if so, then you've got some backing to your suggestion/complaint to the instructor. If he doesn't get the message that it has the potential to ruin his business, then he's a good dance instructor and a lousy businessman, and possibly somewhat weak at choosing a life partner (though we have no idea if her stares are warranted based on his past history -- or something you are doing that you are not even aware of).
Still, it's a roll of the dice on how far he'll get, taking those factors into account.
Re: peculiar situation
Posted by belleofyourball
12/22/2010  10:54:00 PM
It isn't that peculiar a situation. If you want to keep him as your instructor then you need to take a couple steps.

You can't force anyone else's behavior but your own. The thing I do when this happens is to make sure that the woman understands you aren't a threat. Don't expect that he can do this for you.

Talk about other people you are interested in that aren't him that are within your dating range. If you have a boyfriend bring him in so she can see him. Compliment her and compliment his choice in her even if you don't particularly mean it. This is about insecurity. Make her feel secure and it will stop.

I am known for being outlandish and outrageous but my instructor's wife is very clear that no matter how short my skirt I am not angling for him. It wasn't always this way but I made sure she understood. Just make sure she understands and things will be okay.
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