Ballroom dancing is not sexual, it is intimate, and there is a huge difference. Most women seem to get it but men have a harder time. To answer your question, "where is this going?" It is going to make your wife a better dancer, that's all. Close or open contact position doesn't matter. All the good dancers dance in close hold. I find it ver difficult to dance any other way. My husband dances and he always dances in close position with every women he dances with. It is the way it is done. Club dancing is very sexual and often inappropriate. If a man or women dances ballroom in a sexual manner they are shunned. So your wife's instructor is young and good-looking, most of them are so get use to it. I have a competitive partner, that is younger than me. Every body part we have has touched at some point and neither of us think anything of it. In dancing, they are just parts. Dance with your wife, become the best dancer you can be and you will reap the rewards. Also, my husband has women lining up to dance with him. Sometimes I have to beat them off with a stick. He finds it very flattering but it ends at the end of the song and he goes home with me.
The proper smooth dancing hold IS a closed position - hip to hip. It's how the lady feels where the guy is leading her. HOW can she feel where to move to in an open position with her head up and to the left and NO reference points??? I know many of you guys THINK women can mind read, but not here! This is a DANCE not making love on the open floor, it means NOTHING. Unless your wife has given you other cause, your jealous makes as much sense as getting upset at her going to a doctor for an exam. The doctor sees a LOT more than any dance instructor would.
I've seen plenty of male dance instructors teaching male students smooth dancing IN closed position when say the female instructor is out sick or the guy WANTS a guys opinion of how to do the step(s) correctly. IT MEANS NOTHING. What it does come down to is how secure each man is in himself. I saw an Argentine tango showcase last year with 2 guys and 1 girl. At several points both guys danced with each other. It was a fantastic performance! Historically Argentine tango WAS danced with 2 guys, ladies were forbidden to participate.
The couples I dance with socially and compete against all take couples lessons as well as individual lessons (with instructors of the opposite sex.) They are secure in their spouses to dance with each other, to dance with their younger good looking instructors as well as dancing with others in the social setting. In fact it's more of the odd ball situation when couples are exclusive partners. AGAIN it's a dance, it's for fun, it's for excesses, it's for socialization.
Dancing IS a stress relief! I can not tell you how many times over the years I've heard people say "thank goodness it's Friday night so I can go dancing and check the weeks stress at the studio door." I would suggest you take lesson and learn how much fun IT IS to be on the dance floor. Your away a lot, most hotels have gyms with mirrors for you to practice. I've even known a few guys who Googel dance studios near their hotels so they can get some floor/mirror time to work on moves. Some are lucky enough to find group lessons too. Guys are in sort supply in the social setting. You will get more of workout than she will. Also both of you will have the opportunity to make new friends of ALL ages and ALL walks of life.
I understand how you are feeling and why you are feeling the way you do. It makes sense. Anyone who loves someone else and sees them suddenly in what feels like a very compromising situation and hasn't been in it themselves is going to feel the way you do. Why do you feel that way...because you love her. My fiance feels the same way but we have come to an understanding because he trusts me...most of the time. Sometimes we argue about it to be honest but my intentions are pure and we have worked out a system that helps him not feel insecure about when I am dancing. That includes the fact that the only dancing I do is in competition, showcase, or formal instruction. He still gets jealous and there are some moves that make him really angry and I try to minimize them because I love to dance but my relationship with him is more important that a lift that makes him uncomfortable.
I am going to be honest with you. For some women this is all about the dancing. Culturally men and women have danced, and danced ballroom for more than a century. There are rules and etiquette that go with the fact that men and women danced with all sorts of people not just their husbands and wives. Way back in the way back machine men and women went dancing together, it cut out the jealousy and both understood what their partner was really up to when they were dancing with others because they were there dancing too. I wish my sweetheart would come dance too. He doesn't really want to but he understands that dancing is important to me.
Close hold is close. But it shouldn't involve the 'bumping of uglies.' On rare occasions because I do something wrong or my partner does something wrong (sometimes I dance with women) there is a grazing tenth of a second contact followed by an apology. If her breasts or crotch or his crotch are in contact of any sort one of the two of them is doing something wrong. If it stays in contact then you have something to worry about. When in close hold my rib cage (bones) are connected with his, no breasts touch him and I have large breasts. The hips work forward and back so that even though it looks really intimate mostly the only thing that rubs is an occasional inner knee against knee or foot against foot. I will be honest and say I have danced in close hold for years and I only ran into his 'stuff' once and that was during a lift and included him miserably squirming on the floor.
For some women and men this is not about the dancing. It is about the flirtation and they want to have an imaginary relationship with their partners. There are several people on here begging for advice because they've fallen in love with their dance partners who are married or haven't reciprocated or they are scared to ask or whatever. There are unscrupulous dance instructors who prey upon people who are lonely and insecure to get money out of them. Some people do fall in love when they are dancing with each other...but some people fall in love standing in line at a grocery store.
Figure out what it is you know about your wife. Go out with her to dance or ask if you can tag along. If she isn't doing something wrong then what's the problem? You want to meet the other people then go to the group lesson when you are in town. My sweetheart knows everyone I dance with and it takes the fear out of it for him.
Now I want to address something else you said...and it has nothing to do with dancing and I am speaking as a mental health professional because that is what I do for a living. It seems to me that this is less about the dancing and more about the being apart and feeling insecure about what she is doing when you aren't there. I can't help but wonder if you lived closer together would she be out so often? I imagine you are feeling the same way. You need to be clear about what you are really unhappy about and if you really trust her. You also need to understand that maybe what this is about is being lonely fo
I don't blame you HUSBAND. If you don't enjoy dancing or not have much time to go with your wife, you have a problematic situation. I am 65 and have been dancing since I was 16, mostly social dancing. I go to ballroom dancing socially and had met several people. I also have known that several couples divorced because one spouse does not go dancing with the other often enough while the other fell in love with the other guys they go dancing with. To keep the home fires burning, I suggest that you try hard to learn and go dancing with your wife, otherwise, she will find another if she continues to go dancing without you and, of course, she would say "TATA" or "CIAO"!. SCARY, YES?