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Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ladydance
4/15/2012  5:40:00 AM
He is not off limits just because he is your dance instructor. If you want to broach the subject with him, then go ahead. I have seen several relationships work out. Two were female teachers with male pros and one was a male student with his female pro. Be warned, you may see less of him than you do now. Since he owns his studio and is busy and successful, he will be working evenings and weekends.
You might be one of his favourite students, easy and pleasant to teach, so he laughs and jokes around with you and enjoys the lesson. That doesn't mean he wants the relationship to go anywhere. Why don't you try booking the last hour of the day and then suggest you go for coffee or a drink afterward. If he seems keen, then you might be on to something.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by belleofyourball
4/15/2012  11:17:00 AM
Then go for it. If you feel this will work and you are sure you want to try then follow your heart. Just know that there is a chance this isn't for real. Be prepared with a new studio as a backup and the worst thing that can happen isn't that big a deal.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/15/2012  7:15:00 PM
I am thinking of going for it...just scared. This is unlike a regular dating situation. I think I will try booking the last appointment of the day and take it from there. My fear is I don't want to lose him as an instructor. It's so complicated and like you all said, it may not be real, just an illusion...somehow I don't think so, but have to consider all possibilities.
I really don't want to have to give up dancing, but the only other studio in my area is off-limits for me bacause I already tried it and the instructor's wife is basically insecure and jealous type. She is a $%&*@! and thinks all students if they are young and reasonably attractive, are there to get her husband...so that's completely out of the question for me. And I really love to dance, so I don't want to give up dancing
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by lol
10/17/2013  1:10:00 PM
Well... just to reiterate. It's there job to make you feel special. The reason the other studio's wife doesn't like you is because she knows youre just another one of those girls who don't understand that. And trust me, after enough experience she cant tell it by a first impression.lol
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ballroomchick
4/17/2012  12:44:00 PM
Think HARD about what you want in a relationship. It gets dicier when going for a dance instructor. Are you willing to come 2nd or 3rd in his life? His livelihood IS to be around girls and his work schedule goes into the evenings and weekends as well as out of town with these girls.

I've been watching a couple for some years now. He is a very good looking and charismatic dance instructor. He has a good string of dance students and he goes out of town with them often. When these 2 DO go out to dinner with friends they often split and both work the room. Often times he gets caught up or forgets to come back and be with her before it's time to go home.

Now he is getting back on the professional dance circuit and found a new partner who lives in another state. They take turns every other weekend flying to each others state to practice. This is even less time for his relationship at home.

It could work the other way. If he is perusing you to a relationship it could work out like my instructor who taught his (now wife) to dance and compete on the professional circuit. They retired from that when the kids came. He teaches and has a string of competitive students. She use to teach and have competitive students as well. Baby sitters ARE expensive.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/17/2012  7:33:00 PM
I completely get what you are saying and thank you. However dance is not the only profession where you work nights and weekends and have long hours. I am a physician and I work those hours plus I also have access to other male docs, some of whom are single...the point is, should I give up on someone I like and who maybe likes me, because of what he does? A lot of dance is illusion, but that doesn't mean these people don't have real relationships. However your point is well taken and thank you again...I appreciate everyone's input and suggestions. I still feel I am stuck, and basically have 2 options- go for it and risk getting hurt, or do nothing and maybe lose out on someone I really like...
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ticodance
4/18/2012  3:28:00 AM
Of course you have to risk it!
The worst regrets are about things we didn't do!
So you should at least try!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ClumsyFellow
4/18/2012  5:02:00 AM
You are being played, be scared that you don't see it. Your situation isn't any different than the hundreds of threads banging around in dance forums. There is no upside, enjoy it for what it is; a fantasy.

Dance or Date your choice but just think of how much you will enjoy your boyfriend flirting with other women...mmm, scrumptious.

Good Luck, I look forward to the new thread that you will be starting in a few months.



Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/18/2012  3:40:00 PM
Definitely possible that I am being played as you say. That's a cynical view and you are certainly entitiled to your opinion. I don't think I am naive, but neither do I want to be cynical and miss living my life. I have been thinking long and hard about this, instead of impulsively doing something I may regret. I haven't been able to get rid of the feelings.If I don't try, I'll always wonder...if I do, I may get hurt...I might as well toss a coin. This is not an easy decision
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Freya LeFey
9/1/2013  7:40:00 PM
I find myself in a similar place as you. Here's the plan I developed to figure out what is going on.
1. The lessons are about me, not about him. Ask for nothing other than what you are paying for. If you dress nice for your classes you are doing so so that you like what you see in the mirrors, etc. I don't even instigate hugs. Seven lessons in and he finally instigated a hug and it was a great hug at that.
2. Give him a background check via the internet and don't tell him. Practice your surprise for when he tells you the things you have already gleaned so that you are not hungry to get to know him better. Independent research doesn't lie.
3. If he starts probing with questions about things other than dance make him admit that he wants to know. If he does he probably cares about you.
4. Don't be afraid to warn him off a little. In the pick-up artist community this is called a "neg". Examples include: backhanded compliments, feigned frustration, etc. This might seem counter intuitive but someone that genuinely likes you when negged unexpectedly will seek your validation.
Try reading The Game by Neil Strauss for pointers.

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