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Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by O.K.
1/15/2013  7:05:00 PM
This is the deadly spite that ails me.
My wife plays no Golf
And I no Dance.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by anoneemouse
1/17/2013  10:57:00 AM
Thoughts on this topic, and I realize this is an OLD thread..but hey...

It took me forever to come out of my shell and dance. I remembering watching my ex of 16 years dance the Bachata with a guy once. She said "YOU should have been dancing the Bachata with me".

New Year's eve 2012, I danced with so many women, not formal, just social Salsa dancing. Broke my heart to tell a husband "hey go dance with your wife" and have him say "no, it's ok, you go dance with her". I saw her sitting there, on the sidelines, watching life go by. She lit up when I asked her to dance. Was it a matter of seduction or impropriety? Not at all. It was all about being alive.

Dance can be as intimate or not as you make it. For some, it is crucial and the idea of a different partner can evoke jealousy and even rage. The love of my life is an avid dancer. I am learning the Bolero. Why? Because I am never going to miss out on any chance to be there with the woman I love ever again, enjoying those moments. I am certainly not worried about her dancing with other partners, that's not the point. If you love someone, you want THEM to be there enjoying those moments in life. I know she can dance circles around me. Will I stop learning? Heck no, that is already failing...to not do IS the ONLY true failure.

My advice to males who love their partners and are challenged by the idea of dancing...get off your @sses, live your life to the fullest, you only have this one. And this is by no means meant as a judgment as much as it is a stern warning from a very real life experience.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by dgcasey
1/21/2013  5:06:00 PM
Well, coming from a man's perspective, I loved to dance ballroom. Even did a couple of competitions and showcases. Met lots of ladies and had good times.

The woman I met a few years ago also loves to dance, but she is into the nightclub style of dancing. The shake your booty, bump-n-grind kind of dancing, which just doesn't appeal to me at all. My style is American Smooth or Int. Standard. She doesn't care for those because she doesn't want to spend any time trying to learn all those dances.

She and I are very much in love and will be together for the rest of our lives, but we don't dance anymore. Someday, after we retire, maybe we'll start dancing again. As long as it's ballroom.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by ballroomchick
1/22/2013  10:03:00 AM

dgcasey

And there was heard and audible cry from the female dance population as another male dancers leaves the ballroom.....

Maybe you could get her interested in Latin and Rhythm dances. Mambo, Cha cha, Samba, Salsa would really get her heart rate up! Then you could dance with her and smooth with the other ladies of your studio.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Kizombera
2/2/2013  7:57:00 AM
My husband does dance, he started taking salsa classes with me about a year ago, and enjoys it, but he doesn't really like going out at night, so I go out once a week with a group of friends we met in our classes. Every once in a while my husband does come along, and those are the best nights, but mostly I go out on my own. I dance salsa, bachata, and even kizomba, which is danced in a very close hold, but everyone I dance with knows I'm married, and it's always been just about the dance, so I don't feel guilty about it at all. The people I've met while out dancing are nearly all there for one reason only, to dance, and I haven't seen any "pick-up" activity going on, unlike in other sorts of dance clubs. I love dancing, and I am much happier ever since I started, which carries over to the rest of my life...I'm in a much better mood at home if I can get my weekly dance fix.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by tomcatsud
2/23/2013  1:48:00 AM
im sorry but some men doesn't come with this feature !!!
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by commodoredawe
8/20/2013  9:46:00 PM
I am a husband of a wonderful wife. I have tried to learn dancing, ballroom and salsa mainly but apart from a couple of basic steps I am just no good at it at all.

My wife is a brilliant dancer, we have been married for 27 year. She deserves to get the entertainment and fun that she wants.

I love to see her dance with other men. I love to feel her to be free whatever she likes to do and enjoy all dances in the way she wants them to enjoy. We have talked about this a lot and I just always say that she should enjoy what she wants to enjoy. I trust she won't leave me and I have no objections to her enjoying all dances in the way she and her respective dance partners want to enjoy their time on the dance floor and/or evenings when they go out without me being there.

I just don't understand why you would want to stop somebody from having fun.

Commmodore Dawe
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Dominicana
9/5/2013  6:09:00 PM
Woaahhh is been forever since this threat and I'm going through something so similar, is just devastating the person you love and you want to share this with is just not even trying😔. Okay even if you don't answer me or anyone, I feel I have to for those going through this!!! I've been married for 6 years now and this whole thing is been happening ever since we met. As weird as it sounds he met me at a night club. (Yes he met me "dancing" ) and I knew he didn't knew how to dance how I'd like to but I was okay because he always tried. And I figure heeey I'll teach him how to dance (Bachata "the Dominican way" he's Mexican btw. Anyways.... I said I'll teach him how to dance (bachata, merengue, salsa, etc). But as years passed by he didn't want to dance when the opportunity was there for us. So here I am numerous times sitting by his side, people telling him to dance with me, and he just laughs and says "yeah later...." I just felt like dying watching others having a blast while I sat there and watch. Well.. This kept happening until I snapped a couple of times coming home from "those party's" about how sick and tired iam of telling him how I love to dance and how I want him to join me. I offered to teach him alot of times, I even told him for us to get some dancing lessons, and he just laughs. I must say I love this man to peaces, he's the father of my four kids, he's an excellent lover and everything else, but..... This is hes defect that he's not even trying to fix, knowing how important it is to me. I'm not trying to be selfish (I just want for "us" to have fun together. He works hard and I too, so that is why I want for us to to out there and release some stress haha.. I just love to dance, I enjoy the music every bit of it. I don't understand how can someone go to a party and not enjoy it 😒😞 and that's my husband and now I? No waaay any suggestions????? Please email me at yinellyrod@yahoo.com
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Husband
9/27/2013  1:51:00 PM
Can you only dance with him? Isn't there others attending the parties that you can dance with? He probably isn't comfortable dancing and needs his confidence built a bit so, it is up to you to make him more comfortable. I am sure are aware of the machismo factor he has as a Latin and is not likely to do anything that that he doesn't do well. Try to inspire him rather than putting him on a guilt trip.
Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by ladydance
9/27/2013  3:04:00 PM
There might be a couple of reasons why your husband won't dance. First: He thinks dancing is only something you do to find a woman. Many men think this way. Once they are a part of a couple, they see no need to dance and don't want their partners dancing with anyone. Dancing = sex. Second: he is deathly afraid of something, either failure, looking stupid, or disappointing you. I would try to get him to a private lesson when the studio is very quiet. The fear keeps many men from dancing, once they try it and realize no one is watching they relax. At our studio, we have men take private lessons before they start the beginner group for non dancers because they are so sure they will be the only one who can't dance. Sounds like there is too much pressure on him at social occasions. I wouldn't try teaching him yourself, again too much pressure.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by sm555
4/1/2014  10:14:00 AM
I do not enjoy dancing. Tried it. Don't like it. My wife kept begging me to dance. One time I said ok. We danced. She never asked me again. I am a musician. My sense of rhythm is in my hands not my feet. I would rather play the music not dance to it. When women hold dancing above your relationship what does that tell you? The vows say for better or worse. Is dancing beyond worse? You can love dancing and you can love you husband. Which do you love more?
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by O.K.
4/6/2014  5:29:00 PM
This is the deadly spite that ails me
My wife can play no golf.
And I no dance.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by marlajms
5/18/2014  9:03:00 PM
I have danced for 4 years. I love it and it makes me very happy. My husband does NOT want to learn to dance, though he has made himself known at my studio by taking great pictures of studio events. I think you have to have a balance. I do not go to the studio every night because I need to spend some nights at home with my husband. I'm very open with my husband about what happens at the studio, and I'm careful that any routines I would do, he would be OK with. He has liked the changes that have come about because of my dancing, so over all, it's a win-win. If I had to choose, I would choose my husband. But, he would also never make me choose.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by egimug
7/22/2014  6:54:00 PM
I am a 62 year old male and was blessed to started ballroom dancing since I was 21. My wife and I had been together for 23 yrs now and we didn't really danced until 10 yrs ago. I never forced her to dance and while we started to go on cruises, after many, the shows and entertainments repeats so she started to dance a little at first, then wanted more. We both dealt with dancing as an exercise for our health for the future (good for the mind, balance, body) and will be something we can continue to do together until we both can no longer walk! In the beginning, my wife is very concerned when I do any steps/patterns that will make her look bad on the floor so I only dance what she likes and true there are times I felt that she is progressing in her dances but I was stuck and going backwards and start to forget many patterns I have learned thru the years. Slowly, people started to notice us as a couple dance smoothly together as one and started to comment her and asking if she competes or if she is an instructor these days. These kind of comments makes her want to improve even further, so my experience is dancing can not be rushed. It takes time and patience with each other. In my case, me being an experience male dancing with a lady is so much easier than the other way around.

Thru the years of observations, I find many man feels being dumb on the floor and thus make them not motivated to learn. I consider myself a very good instructor but I don't teach. On cruises, I do teach friends met onboard where they show interest in learning. My first thing is to tell the wives that ballroom dancing is a partnership dance. Doesn't matter if one is very good and if the partner is not as good, you will viewed as a couple and not individually. Wife has to be very patient and must encourage her spouse to motivate him to dance. If not, it will never work. Basically women learns faster because they need only to learn the steps and to follow in the beginning. Whereas, the men needs to learn the steps, listen to the beats of the music, think what patterns to do and when to execute the lead. It is so...HARD for men to do all these things together. Remember, men were all one track mind and now you ladies are asking men to multi-task!!! So be patient, compliment how well he is doing even if just so, so. Kind words will go a long way especially when men felt so intimated by the more experience mens on the floor. Men just feels threaten and don't like to look stupid even if we are. The other problems I find is that some instructors are teaching too many patterns and too many different dances all at once. It becomes a struggle for men to remember so many things that by the next morning, 90% of what was learned was lost. Now, men will feel they wasted all that money. Most of them don't make the $$$ per hour as the instructors so they value the $$$ they spend is worth it. I only teach people in the beginning a rumba + 1 other simple dance like single step swing, nothing more. I only teach them basic steps plus basic turns. Not too technical because it will feel like teaching a 1 yr old to run before walking. Once they can dance thru a music (must be the music they like as a couple and not what the instructor likes) with good definitive beats, they now feel they have accomplish something and $$$ is not wasted. Thru the years I have thought many friends (100's) and most of them enjoys to dance and is a good healthy social gathering. The bottom line is they must practice by going to dances at least couple times a week. Don't have to dance every dance, just to gather with good friends/make new friends on the floor, to practice. Practice, Practice, Practice until muscle memory kicks in. Once men get over the beginning hump, then they will feel like back to control their life and believe me, men can love to dance even more than women! The post is too long and had to continue next
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by egimug
7/22/2014  7:07:00 PM
This is continuation to my post:

Dancing is ask simple as walking in time of music at a preset sets of steps and directions. So, give it time. It is just like babies learning how to walk, it took they months to prepare for their first steps. They must crawl first to buildup their muscles, so is dancing. You are asked to step in different timing and directions where you are not used to do normally. Muscle memory will kick in.

Dancing is sooo... good for ones health. As we age, our mind is sharp, we are toned and well balanced so we will have much less chance of falling and break our bones, gathering with dancing friends is such a good social event that will take stress out and good for the hearts. Therefore, I do wish everyone to dance and make it fun.....don't argue, it will ruin your relationship and reverse your intension of trying to do something fun as a couple!

Lastly, if one instructor is not clicking with your learning style, do change instructors. Good dancer may not always be a good instructor for you and vice versa, a not so good dancer may be the Best instructor you can learn from.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by egimug
7/22/2014  7:07:00 PM
This is continuation to my post:

Dancing is ask simple as walking in time of music at a preset sets of steps and directions. So, give it time. It is just like babies learning how to walk, it took they months to prepare for their first steps. They must crawl first to buildup their muscles, so is dancing. You are asked to step in different timing and directions where you are not used to do normally. Muscle memory will kick in.

Dancing is sooo... good for ones health. As we age, our mind is sharp, we are toned and well balanced so we will have much less chance of falling and break our bones, gathering with dancing friends is such a good social event that will take stress out and good for the hearts. Therefore, I do wish everyone to dance and make it fun.....don't argue, it will ruin your relationship and reverse your intension of trying to do something fun as a couple!

Lastly, if one instructor is not clicking with your learning style, do change instructors. Good dancer may not always be a good instructor for you and vice versa, a not so good dancer may be the Best instructor you can learn from.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Reluctant dancer
9/8/2014  11:23:00 AM
Hello all..my story is that I started ballroom with my partner (his idea). We were both complete beginners. He learns much faster than me,I find it difficult to retain so much information in such a short space of time. He used to get quite impatient with me,so much so that I detested going. There was an argument most weeks. I told him how I felt and he said he didn't mean anything by it (we had only been together a year) and he tried hard to change his behaviour. It did get better but I'm not as keen as he is and it's still a bone of contention. We discussed it again and I agreed to go for his sake, but I just don't enjoy ballroom dancing, I'm more the Latin/salsa type,that is not his thing. I just have to add that although neither of us are great dancers, he cannot dance in time, and that's yet another bone of contention as he doesn't see that it's much of a problem. I do..it feels so wrong, maybe this is the reason I don't enjoy it.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by ballroomchick
9/8/2014  12:54:00 PM
Reluctant Dancer

Dancing off time IS a big deal. I dont enjoy social dancing that much for this very reason. I only go to celebrate a birthday. I spend a lot of time just catching up with everyone. Last week I watched a guy who thinks hes all that AND a bag of chip. He stands along the side lines and will only dance with the really cute girls. I watched him cha cha with one girl - I was getting mad for her! He shoved her one direction then another. He would NOT let her finish a move, but then HE was not finishing his own moves either. Rolling through the feet - whats that???? Apparently he thinks the party is up stairs as much as down stairs. So much chatter on the connection NO girl could hear his lead.

Any way you can take lessons/dance Pro/Am? This would fix any problems you might have developed with your last partner. It would give you a feeling of security to dance with a professional, AND you can learn at YOUR pace. Hopefuly this will love dancing again.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by allybabba
10/20/2014  3:48:00 PM
I'm in a little different situation ... I'm a guy who has danced for 15 years, intermediate skills. It's been a one-a-week hobby for many years. I just married my partner of 5 years. She hasn't danced much before, but we're taking lessons, she's turning out to be a much quicker study than I ever was ... she's learning fast.

So, it seems like a good deal. This is the situation: she's fine with the dance part, she just doesn't like the social part - for herself. She also doesn't like crowded dance floors.

She's fine with me going dancing by myself - as I have for a few years. However, I'm feeling less comfortable going by myself, largely due to the less favorable reactions of some women dancers. During a mixer, a couple women that didn't know me refused to dance with me more than once (the numbers were fairly even, we were paired up again), even though I kept a respectful distance, and let them have their space. This generally did not happen before, and it was somewhat embarrassing; I assume it was because they saw my ring.

Any thoughts on what is the best way to work this situation? It seems that married women who go dancing without their spouse are not seen with the same suspicion as a guy who does.

Re: my husband doesn
Posted by ballroomchick
10/21/2014  11:47:00 AM
Allybabba

Being a jerk is NOT gender specific. These ...girls are breaking social dance code - you do not refuse a person a dance (male or female) unless....
#1 you dont have your dance shoes on.
#2 You really dont know the steps of the particular dance. (but you should be willing to have that person show you how to do the basics)
#3 You are totally out of breath and need a dance to re-oxygenate.
#4 You just killed your foot.

In the 4 studios I dance - married folk come to there and dance with everyone.
Wives come by themselves and dance with everyone.
Husbands come by themselves and dance with everyone.

Its a dance not a contract to do .... what ever. Unless you are making passes at the girls, which I assume you are not.

Brush it off to these females being total jerks and dont bother wasting your time on them again.

As for your wife, crowded floors teach you better floor craft and how to better pay attention to your partner. I have found as I have progress out of Bronze and working for competition, I dont enjoy social dancing as much. I get tired of guys cutting out important portions of patterns. Pushing/pulling me off my center/balance. Young guys who dance smooth dances like they were 105 yrs old and on glass hips. I understand keeping progressive moves in check when the floor is crowded, but when its open and barely moving gets old fast. IMHO

I wish you and your wife the best.
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