When I met my girlfriend, all she talked about was dancing. She had over 10 years experience. I had none. I figured that if I want to continue to go out with her I had to learn how to dance. We began with lessons at the local high school's Adult Ed. I then took some lessons and workshops with a teacher she knew. We also went to local dances where I met a whole group of dance friends. It was hard getting on the dance floor during the first year. I didn't know many dances and the ones I knew I knew only a few steps. My girlfriend would complain that she was losing her dance skills because I was not doing any advanced dance steps. We she would dance with other guys with greater skills I would get upset. Eventually, I got hooked on dancing. We are now taking lessons together. I have improved in my skill level (at least she's no longer complaining!!). I no longer fear going out on the dance floor. Usually I am the one to pull her out on the dance floor. I am no longer jealous of her dancing with others as there are still dances that I don't do or do well. And I have introduced her to other forms of dance: Contra, English Country, and Zydeco. We have taken workshops in the dances of the Ragtime era, and Renaisance dances. And we perform in a dance group at our local historical village restoration (Contras and Quadrilles).
There still are times that there is tension between us. There are times I make an error or give a wrong lead. Our relationship has allowed us to grow as dancers.
Steve

to stevenp, im glad to hear you and your girlfriends relation ship is still going strong, but i think it really sucks that she would get mad at you for not knowing advanced dance steps. and especally for saying you were causeng her to lose skills. dont let your self think for a second that your ruining her dance skills. for any body else out there in a similar situation, if your a beginner its just plain rude and snobish for a more experenced dancer to blame their bad danceing on you. while its hard to dance with an inexperenced dancer some times, you never blame them for it, people like that are what we call dance snobs. they forget that they were once danceing like that and probably being a chalanging partner for a more experenced dancer. Im sure stevenp's girlfriend is a very nice girl who was just frustraited, but seriously thats a cold thing to tell some one

Crimson-tear, I understood that she was frustrated. She would see other guys who were better dancers and I would never stop her from dancing with them. I would tell my girlfriend that she had to be encouraging. There were times I said to myself that I wanted to quit. I also realize that because my girlfriend was more experienced that she would help me learn. At times I would dance with others which is great for learning how to lead. When I dance with someone who is new I try to be encouraging as possible. I tell them that it takes time to learn. I think it is easier to for a guy to dance with an inexperienced woman than a woman with an inexperienced man.

I dance at a ballroom that's been operating for over 26 years. Many of the clientele are in their 80's. When my wife and I celebrated our wedding anniversary, it was lovely; they all made a circle around us as we danced a slow waltz. Afterwards, one of the couples came up to us and asked us how long we had been married. We replied 37 years, and with some air of superiority, the man informed us that they had been married 60 years.

My wife turned to our friend and said with some wonder, "Isn't it remarkable how dancing keeps couples together!"

Our friend, quick as a wink, said "Well, of course. Think about how hard it is to train a new partner!"

Hope that helps.
Jerry Blumenthal

do u know of any male dancers in his 50 -65 looking for a female partner ?

I recently spoke with a long-married couple who said they had to quite ballroom after about 4 years or they would have had to divorce because of all the disagreements they had. As we reach the end of our 3rd year, I can see how what was fairly easy for us to deal with in the beginning is now getting trickier. The leads and follows are more subtle and we are each developing different strengths. Since we mostly dance together, we have to learn how to work together better and realise when it is just best to grin and bear it. I am keeping the lessons of our friends in mind - we both love dancing too much to give it up now

Dancing has helped me with male-female relationships, especially with listening.

I had broken up with my ex-boyfriend of many years and was shy around other guys. My ex was very jealous and was always accusing me of looking at other guys, so I did not have the habit of good eye contact and in the years with my boyfriend ended all my male friendships.

Dancing really makes you a better listener. You really need to pay attention to the subtle, and understand physically what someone is going to do. I am no longer awkward, clumsy, and nervous around guys.

You get so used to being in close proximity with others, that I am far more comfortable now talking with men, touching their arm, shaking hands, etc. This has helped me with my male-female relationships at work.

The same is true of some of the men I dance with. One of my guy friends I dance with (yes - these are the first guy friends I have had since my breakup), told me that he had started dancing to help overcome his shyness. He told me a few other guys were at the studio for the same reason.

It absolutely helps. Especially in practice sessions when you will ask and get asked to dance by 20 or more people. You just become more comfortable.

Your imput has been great for me! Thank you so much for your comments.

If you do not mind being quoted in my paper, please also post your name so that I can credit you.

Keep the comments coming! Thanks a bunch!!

Anya. For what it is worth one of the people who helped in the development ment of ballroom dancing in those early days was Henry Jacques British Champion 1934 to 36. He judged the medals held in our studio, that was in 1953. After, he gave a little lecture in which he said that statistically to marry ones partner was a disaster. I should have paid more attention.

Hello Anya,
I was married a long time before we started ballroom dancing.
A ballroom dance partnership is like a marriage. You have to give and take to make it work. If both of you can't work out problems, then it won't work.

Ballroom dancing with my hubby has taught me patience. It has taught me to appreciate my husband more and it has taught me humility.
I started off being the better dancer than my hubby, but he caught up quickly. I had an attitude that I was still better until tapes of us dancing showed otherwise. It taught me to be more observant and more aware of my body and my movement.
I am very strong minded, and it has taught me to let go, to allow my partner to lead me, and not to jump ahead of him. (I worry that he might forget, so I tend to back lead, which is a no-no.)

But ballroom dancing has changed the way I view people, especially other competitive dancers. We have always been better dancers than most, and learned quickly. Unfortunately our progress caused a lot of other dancers (social and competitive) to become very jealous and envious of us. Our success in competitions fueled their anger and jealousy. It got to a point where we didn't know who are friends were and who weren't in the ballroom community. One week people would be talking to us, the next week they'd snub us, turn against us. I used to be so trusting of people, very friendly and open, but got burned so many times by other ballroom dancers, that now I am very, very wary until I know the person well in order to trust them. Success can be great, but then we had to learn to deal with the jealousy and backstabbing that comes with being a successful dance couple.

In a way, the jealousy of other dancers have brought my hubby and I closer together. We deal with these people together, as a team.
In fact, my hubby and I are very supportive of each other, and this was especially heightened after we started dancing. We believe we are a team, and if we have problems in our dancing or in life in general, we have to work together to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it.

Gook luck with your paper! You picked a great topic!