Hi, Y'all.

I have loved and been dancing ever since I was a lil' girl. Although I was good, I let $, career and lack of faith in myself get in the way of having a career in dance of any kind. Now I am having an awakening: $ hasn't made me happy and I want so much to try and put regular dancing into my life again. Of course, now my husband, who has no passion for dance or the arts as I do, has a problem with it. He is very upset at the thought of another man "putting his hands everywhere". I have tried to explain to him but all he sees is "dirty dancing". I would really like to hear from other women (or men) who have dealt with this problem. Although I won't give it up, it is so hard going to these classes knowing he hates it. Please help.

Does he play any sports, especially ones with contact like football? Then you can tease him about other men putting their hands all over him.

I've been married for 10 1/2 years to someone with no interest in dance at all. I've had a number of dance partners over the past 9 years, and it's never caused a problem for our marriage. Everyone recognizes that it's a sport, that the dance partnerships are akin to business relationships, and that I'm doing it because I love the music and the movement. In the beginning people asked my husband if he was jealous, and he would ask them "Of what? I know she loves me and I know I love her."

Personally, and I know this sounds harsh, I think your husband is insecure and just needs to get over himself. If he was secure about himself and his perception of his place in your life, he wouldn't be jealous.

Alternatively, if he's going to be that jealous, then he should learn to dance with you. He can't have it both ways, meaning he can't keep you from dancing while he refuses to dance himself.

My husband could care less if I dance, as long as he doesn't have to. The problem I have is keeping dance partners. As soon as one looks good, off they go to find a woman, then she doesn't want me dancing with him. So I am bellydancing now because I am in control, need no partner, and can be much more creative. Why spend money learning dancing that you can never use because there is no one to dance with. And why does dance always end up dating, instead of just dancing for the love of it?????? Fed up in Manitoba

What better way to find someone that is compatible with you than to find him or her on the dance floor? Speaking as a single guy, I've met and dated more women that I met dancing than anywhere else. I love dancing and if I'm destined to just dance at the practice parties on Friday night, then so be it. But, I'd like to find a partner that becomes much more than a dance partner. Someone that I can waltz around the kitchen with while the spaghetti sauce simmers, or sway with while standing line for tickets to MI:3.

I guess my question to you would be, seeing as how we're addressing the problem of unsupporting spouses, why would I NOT want to find a woman to date that likes to dance? Why not find a partner that loves to dance just like I do and then have one less thing to bring tension to the relationship and one more thing to keep the relationship fun and exciting?

dgcasey,
you are absoluetly right here and it makes a lot of sense to find a partner that likes dancing.
I have been dancing for 3 years, and am patiently waiitng for the right girl to come on the dance floor and enter my life.

I been there and done that with a dance girl friend. It is great while it lasted, but it is very limiting at the same time. One has a tendency to dance with the girl friend often rather than be a free agent at social dances. And heaven forbid a nasty breakup.

An alternative is dancing with an informal group of dancers that are taking lessons and working on their dancing. You will be more socialable and develop lots of dance buddies. I have many dance female friends that I wouldn't have if I showed up at every dance with a steady girlfriend or wife. Couples usually isolate themselves and dance more with each other. Over time this could kill your enthusiasm for dance.

Laura, I'm sure you've already invited him to attend. Other than that, I know it's difficult, if he doesn't care for dancing.
However, each time you leave for lessons or a dance, you could try using words like "Honey, I would really like it if you go with me...I would enjoy at least having you there, so you could see I'm not letting anyone touch me inappropiately." This should start to soften the jealousie.
My wife and I met on the dance floor. I don't mind when she dances w/other men. However, she has never liked me dancing w/other women. So I don't if she's in the room.
On my dayoff today, I danced alone in the garage to broadway show tunes and cha chas. I love music and dancing. david2dance

Unfortunately, saying things such "I really wish you would come dance with me" are not going to change the situation if your spouse doesn't want to dance. I've tried everything and my husband still won't do it. And he doesn't want to see me dance with other guys because that would make him jealous. So as long as he's not seeing me dance, he's happy with the fact that I do this without him. I really wish sometimes I was in a relationship with someone who dances, but then again, I like everything else about him except that, so it's a life choice I suppose...

Yes, I agree, Anonymous.

I love my husband and am not about to leave him because he doesn't like to dance. That would be like him leaving me for not going hunting. I am Ok with his not coming with me, but not with his telling me I can't do it because I have to dance with other men. Maybe the more he sees that I won't give it up becasue I am serious about it, the more he will learn to accept it. It just would be nice to have your husband support your dreams.