I think Kevin is on the right track. It's all about body language that makes yourself approachable. Some ladies put up defensive barriers (ie. crossed arms) that say "keep your distance." Smile and look like you are enjoying yourself even when sitting on the sidelines is proably one of the best ways to open yourself up. Swaying to the music either while sitting or standing is body language that says, "I want to dance." Again, this type of body language makes you more approachable.

Blair

Hmmm, I'll have to give some more thought to this regarding the ballroom scene, but, all other factors being equal, in a salsa club, I look at the shoes! Honestly! A woman can walk in the door and be decked out and look like she's ready to strut her stuff, but if I look down and see some big clunky platforms or what not, I know she's not serious about being there to dance. (This is obviously different then the women who come into a club and change into their dancing shoes once inside.)

I'll give some more thought to the ballroom issue…

http://www.geocities.com/_ynot_/Home.html ~ Studying the culture and community of ballroom and dancesport (and salsa)!

We're supposed to stand apart, near the dance floor and look approachable but what if I go with friends? I have friends who like to dance too, if we all come together, without partners, are we just supposed to stand alone all night in opposite corners of the room? How lonely! If there are three girls standing there without partners, they probably all want one, they just don't want to stand by themselves all night. To all the guys out there, please...ask us to dance even if we're not all alone. Chances are, the three or four girls together are still there in a group because they're too shy to ask anyone to dance themselves and would literally jump at the chance to dance with anyone willing to ask!

Rhiana, you have to realize it's imtiminating for a guy to approach a girl when she's standing with a bunch of her girl friends. It takes a lot of gutts to do that and it transcends all social environments. If you have to dance more often, I'd suggest you take a more active part in asking a guy to dance, afterall it's 2006. Once the guys see you on the dance floor a few things, they'll realize you're there to dance and won't be quite as intimindated to approach you. Other than that, I would suggest maybe getting up by yourself every once in a while to walk over to the bar to get a refreshment or to go the restroom. The idea is separate yourself from your 'click' every once in a while.

I do agree this is a frustrating topic I myself have dealt all too frequently with. These have been my conclusions as I have tried various tactics, trying to get asked to dance:

1. Yes, physical stance seems to be a biggie. Leaning back, legs and arms crossed, no eye contact - big block wall. Certainly, if a man is approaching, no matter how shy you are, don't look away - that's the best way to lose him.

2. Bouncing", swaying to the music sometimes seems to help - but not a sure-fire way.

3. What seems to help the best for me is the luck of having the guys see me dancing once or twice with different men. Now they know I could dance, they know I want to dance, and I am not attached.

Once I started getting asked, it seems easier to keep going. When I make the mistake of sitting out a few too many - sometimes it seems I have to start all over again.

Sigh, maybe we need to have a little sign around our neck: "Yes, I do want to dance and I will say yes if you ask me."

Would that help you, Men?

One of the most important things you can do is to dress appropriately for dancing. Dance shoes. Skirt that is free enough to move in, or slacks if that fits your preference and the setting. It hurts to do it, but if I see someone whose clothing is going to preclude comfortable dancing, I'm going to ignore her rather than bounce off a tight skirt on every waltz step. If she is wearing latin shoes, I probably will not ask her for a foxtrot.

Certainly you don't have to spend the entire evening staring longingly at the floor in solitude hoping to be asked. Though doing so on occasion just as the music is starting for a new dance may help you look interested - and interesting.

In this day and age you are also welcome to ask a guy to dance with you - it may not be comfortable, but in some situations that might be the key dance that will then get you attention from others.

I find I get asked more often when I:

--wear a skirt
--keep a smile and a pleasant look on my face
--keep my body language open and relaxed
--make eye contact with men who walk by (but stop short of seeming to "search" the room--a little too desperate)
--smile and look like I'm having a good time during every dance, so the guy knows to ask you again (unless of course, you don't want him to ask you again)
--say hi when I see anyone I've danced with in the past

It's a catch-22. If you are anxious about being asked to dance, you give off a vibe that makes you less likely to be asked. So don't spend all your time focusing on whether you'll be asked. Watch the dancers! You can learn a lot by watching good dancers.

Just work on your dancing and get better. Or pick a few that you a friendly with and ask them. Guys don't mind if a lady asks them to dance, especially if they can dance or has a desire to learn. The ladies that I know are pretty aggressive and will not sit around--but they do have dance skills.

One dance friend has a wife that is a very good dancer and she is hard to get a dance with. The husband takes most of her dances and who ever can get to her first gets to dance with her. She dances with all levels.

Since the discussion has been brought back I'll just add my two cents worth.

I try to dance with every lady and I must say that I am not affected by body language and only rarely by the crowd around her (if she is constantly in the arms of her boyfriend and they are not dancing at all, then they are obviously not there for the same reasons I am).

What affects me most is the response to my asking. If I get the feeling that I get the dance only because the lady didn't want to offend me by turning me down, I'll try to enjoy the dance as much as possible, since at least she has good manners, but I will not ask her again.

If I have the feeling the lady didn't enjoy dancing with me I am not going to waste her time by asking her again.
I find it very annoying if a lady spends the dance looking at how the other couples dance - while of course dancing is no lifelong commitment, for the duration of the dance the current dance partner should be more interesting than other couples.

Then of course there is smiling. Dancers should smile, after all they should be enjoying themselves. But not all smiles are the same. And before I start on what I dislike, I myself have been told by a few female friends that my own smile sometimes becomes disconcerting - not predatory or wolfish as described in another thread, but a bit too focused at times or too aloof at others.
What I have noticed can stop me from dancing with a lady is a too eager smile on her part. I of course am flattered if a lady wants to dance with me again. But, and not wanting to sound conceited, I have danced with young women who's smile seemed to say "please like me" and that in turn makes me nervous - I dance to have fun and thats all dancing is to me.

Clothing/shoes were mentioned and I cant agree more. I made the mistake once of dancing with a girl who was wearing a very short skirt and stilleto heels. After that bolero I hardly ever danced with her again and then only after checking that at least the shoes allowed for dancing even if the skirt remained as restricting. Some women need to realise that overly sexy dress is not going to make them as attractive as joyfull dancing.
And when I ask a lady to dance a nice lively swing, I do not expect the reply to be "Ok but please not as fast as the music because I am feeling a bit under the weather, I cant really dance in these heels anyway and please no turns because I am scared my skirt is going to lift and then everyone will be able to see my panties." I have really been told that. After half a minute I led the lady back to her table and told her that we might better try again next week.

Having said that, I danced with a young lady on thursday who had the most captivating smile which made the EC Swing we shared one of the most enjoyable dances I have danced so far.
And you know? though I'd love to dance with her again, now I am too shy to ask.

I don't understand it. I can remember when I first started dancing (Nov. 2005) and I would sit and watch the dancing going on, while sitting firmly planted on a chair. The only dances I got the first three or four times I went to the Friday night dances at the studio were when the teachers asked me to dance.

It only took about a month to get over that. Time will cure just about any lack of confidence. Sure, there are still times when I find it hard to go up to a woman who may be new to the studio, but even this doesn't stop me most of the time.

I've even got to the point of doing some of the things I see the teachers doing; i.e. going and asking a woman to dance that hasn't been asked much at all during the evening.

When it comes right down to it, I'm not asking them to get married, for crying out loud. I'm asking them to dance and, if I'm not mistaken, that's what most of them came to the event for.

Now, is there a reason I may hesitate to dance with a woman who may be quite a good dancer and popular with all the other guys? Sure, if I know she has just come back into the building after a smoke break, I generally avoid them for the rest of the evening. Sorry, but smoker's breath is enough to knock me down.