Has anyone got any advice????

I have danced with the same partner for the past 7 years and over that time we both seemed to want the same thing from our partnership which basically meant a weekly lesson and a few small competitions a year. However over the last year we have started lessons with new teachers who have previously been British champions and definately know a lot more about dance than our previous teacher. This seems to have lit a passion inside me and I want to dance as much as possible. This doesn't seem to have had the same effect on my partner. I would now like to take part in 2 weekly practices during the week as well as our lesson and even take part in more competitions but their doesn't seem to be any interest from my partner. For a short while she started to cancel lessons due to illness which was then sorted through an operation, now all of a sudden she has an injury which will not be fixed for 6 months apparently. I know this sounds selfish of me but I would rather know if she is not interested but I don't know how to ask.

Hello,

I recommend that you keep taking lessons on your own while she recovers - ask her "if it's okay for him to take a different practice partner for 6 months." Hopefully she says "yes" - why not? it's always nice to have a man who can lead/dance better as a partner. Of course, this may result in losing your current partner after all, but if it happens, you know, she wasn't really into it.

The thing is she comes to a weekly lesson but say's she can't do any more than that. Therefore I can't move onto another partner and feel a little like I am in limbo land.

This is not a dance problem. It is a relationship problem. As with any such problem, honesty is the best policy. Sit down with your partner and tell her what you want and ask her if she feels the same way or differently, and how strongly. If your goals diverge too far, then discuss what are the options for both of you, making it clear to her that your partnership means a lot to you and that you dont want to break it up.

Breaking up might be the only real option open to you, but maybe not. You'll feel better if you discuss it openly.

Jerry

Dance partnerships are a very different type of relationship. If you break up who will you dance with--your teacher?
If you are near a major city with plenty of ballroom teachers and aspiring students--then you have more options. But if you live in a smaller area--it's more difficult. Long distance partners usually don't work for long-- it's hard to practice with them and dancing together often is not an option.

I have had an on and off again partnership for seven years and at times she really gets on my nerves. Recently, I've just disregarded the negative stuff and tried to give her lots more posative feedback hoping to curtail some of negative. It seems to have helped some.

Getting and keeping a good dance partnership together is not an easy task. It could be easier if your skills and motivation are about equal. If one person in the partnership improves more or is more highly motivated--then this is a good reason look for a new partner. The psychology stuff probably could be worked out if your dancing is still improving. After all, it's the quality and improvement of your dancing that most are reaching for.

Lots of things can sabatage a dance partnership. For example, career changes, kids, dance goals, jealousy, long distance, money, fighting, aging, teacher problems, and injuries--to name a few.

Thanks anonymous, you have just sumed up exactly how I feel. It isn't very easy to just give up on a partnership like that in my area as there is a huge gap in partners at the moment. Some people have been looking for new partnerships for over a year.

I think I will just try to ingnore the negative things as well and just try to encourage her to practice more often.

Communicating with your partner is the best thing to do. She may be feeling uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. Others have made some suggestions, but none have mentioned money. How much more will these lessons cost? Maybe she doesn't have the money? Have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and good luck.

Dear Anon21,

Perhaps you could look for a new partner and keep dancing with your current partner? For example, your old partner could be your latin partner and your new partner could be your ballroom partner or vice versa.

You could start dancing Pro Am if one of your teachers is female. This will not threaten your amateur partnership. Lots of dancers dance Pro Am and amateur. This filled a void for me when my partner had a stressful work situation for about 2 years and stopped competing. Now I dance Pro Am and amateur.