My instructor has often said, "Stop swaying" to me when I am dancing the Fox Trot. I don't feel like I am swaying too much, but he has pointed it out a few times. My wife has picked up on it, so any time during the dance, she will on occasion say, "you're swaying again."
I think my problem lies in that I enjoy doing Fox Trot to Sinatra and Bobby Darin tunes, and those tend to make me want to swing or sway to the beat. If I were dancing to, say, an Irving Berlin instrumental, then I am more rigid in my posture, etc. Or at least I think I am. My instructor doesn't care much for the Sway move of the Fox Trot, which I really like. Does anyone else feel that they approach the Fox Trot differently, depending on the music?

More than likely what's bothering your teacher and your wife is the quality rather than the quantity of sway. So instead of avoiding it altogether, I would suggest focusing your attention on how to sway correctly. Soft, "noodly" sway can be uncomfortable and irritating in the smallest of quantities. But when done well, you can actually get away with doing quite a lot.

If you are indeed noodly, if you tend to "break your sides", or worse, involve your arms in your sway, you'd be well served by learning how to brace the upper body and use base sway. Not all sway ultimately comes from the base, but since most beginners use no base sway at all, and therefore overcompensate with exaggerated top action, the first step toward overcoming the problem is to take the top sway out of the equation entirely. Take the time to learn how to sway strictly from the base using knees & ankles, then add top sway much later once the base has been mastered.

As far as top sway is concerned, when you do finally get to it, you can improve it with any of various exercises aimed at improving strength of core, lifting the ribcage off the hips, and maintaining good posture in general. And though it may sound cliche, it is nonetheless important to remember the age old principle that top sway must be produced by stretching one side without collapsing the opposite. To be sure you're following this rule, stop any any time while in a sway position, place your hand on the low side by touching the fingers on the hip and the thumb on the rib cage, then stretch them apart. This corrects the collapsed side and teaches the body how to achieve top sway without it.

Regards,
Jonathan Atkinson
www.ballroomdancers.com

Jonathan had some good answers.

I would add though that it sounds like you are doing the SSQQ american style figures, and there really isn't all that much proper roll for large scale sway in most of those. Real sway in ballroom dancing is primarily a result of a combination of swing & turn as seen in the waltz or the continuity or international style foxtrots. And that real sway is not swaying to the beat, instead it more often comes out as swaying to the measure.

It sounds like you are feeling this music in a way that is meaningful to you, but not really a common part of the particular ballroom dance you have been studying. You are of course welcome to dance your own way, but as you have discovered that may not meet the expectations of others.

I might suggest a three way plan:

- Do what you feel sometimes. It's your feeling and nobody has the right to take that away from you.

- Also, do some dancing strictly according to instruction, without much sway. There are other aspects of movement that this form of foxtrot stresses, and you really should invest in learning those.

- After a few months of careful study of the above, consider moving on to the continuity style of foxtrot. This has real sway - not what you are feeling right now, but still something that you might come to really enjoy and let you feel that you are being expressive. But it will be a new thing that you have to learn before you can just feel it - what you want to do right now won't really fit that form of the dance either.

I think the problem here are two things:

1: you may not be swaying in the correct way. As has been said before me: try NOT to use your arms at all. The way to do this is by totally lock your shoulders, so that your arms no longer move with respect to your upper body. You can now sway by using the knees for instance. Also make sure your partner sways the same way you do, or it'll look silly.

2: The "urge" to sway should not come from the music, but rather from the steps you're taking. Some steps almost "force" you to sway to a side, and you should at such cases. In other variations, a sway may look silly because there is no basis for it in the steps.

All of this advice has been very helpful, and I think the assessments of what was causing my problems were right on target.
I have been doing continuity and continuity styling steps, which really are great additions to the Fox Trot arsenal. Oddly enough, there is so much more technical footwork with those sequences that any unnecessary upper body swaying is held in check.
It's during the basic SSQQ that I will let that "noodly" sway slip in for no reason. So the goal now is to eliminate that.
Thanks again for the input.

Sway can produce a nice picture. But that is not the prime objective of sway. The prime objective of sway is....If you have a technique book look it up under Sway.