I have an important personal question to ask.

Would you say that in your experience (not necessarily personal, of course, but based on what you've see happening around you) when one of the people in a serious long-term relationship starts dancing (social dances, showcases, though not necessarily competing), this frequently puts the relationship in danger?

I am not talking about the dancing person “looking” to be unfaithful or get out of a relationship, rather the whole situation (dancing, being inherently romantic and passionate and being performed with an attractive person of opposite sex).

Is this a common issue based on what you've seen throughout the years or something that is no more common to dancing than any other hobby?

Many thanks – any honest input will be greatly appreciated. As you can guess, this is a very personal and important matter for me.

TS

This is time for an honest talk with your spouse. You need to tell your spouse that you have concerns about him or her dancing without you. Some spouses will give up dancing if they know their spouses are not comfortable. Others won't. You need to find out where your spouse stands. If your spouse is in the latter group, you and your spouse need to put the heads together and figure out what each of you can do to ease your concerns. It is not fair that your spouse goes out and has fun alone, expecting you to be happy about it. Find out with your spouse what will make you be supportive of your spouse's dancing. If you give more details about your situation, some of us may be able to give you more specific advice. Good luck.

You never want to rely on Hollywood to straighten you out, but the Susan Sarandon character in "Shall We Dance" might be a good model to follow. She was upset when learning that her husband, Richard Gere, was dancing and not telling her. With some help from others at the studio, Gere was able to convince her that dancing was a good thing, and that he was looking for some kind of spark in his life. At the end of the movie, you get the impression that the husband and wife will learn to dance, but he may also competitively dance with others at some point. Your situation, obviously, is a bit different, but the point is the same. You have to communicate feelings. My wife, for example, knows that I enjoy dancing, probably more so than she, which is likely not the most common scenario. But she goes to dances with me, she takes lessons, etc. She does not practice, which I like to do, and she knows I'd like to take it to another level. But we have to communicate with each other, so there are no surprises.