My ex-girlfriend got me started with ballroom because we were looking for another activity to do together. She dropped out due to lack of time. I continued on my own.

We couldn't see much of each other in general because she was working full-time and also working on an advanced degree. I knew upfront what her schedule would be like, but about 6 months into lessons without her, I realized I was holding my instructor more than my girlfriend and that there were a lot of attractive and charming ladies at classes and practices.

I terminated the relationship at that point. Not because I had my eye on a dancer or anything like that but because I was happy with the female (non-sexual) companionship at the studio and I felt I had less and less in common with my ex.

I can't speak for other men, but I dance to dance. I do not hit on any of the women, single or married. Well, I flirt with an instructor but she usually starts it.

Dance did not break us up, but it helped me see more clearly that the relationship I was in was not what I wanted.

Of course, now a prerequisite for dating a woman is that she likes to dance. LOL!

i wanted to post a message about this matter, and i found out that the subject is already posted and there are many of u who are replying!
i broke up with my fiancé last Sunday (after 8 years together), i'm a professional dancer, he knew me as a dancer and agreed at first part to support me in my dancing career and in my dream. He loves to dance and took some courses. but 1 month ago i had an offer from my ex-partner to compete and train together, so my fiancé didn't agree and told me you chose between dancing and me, i don't want you to be dancing with another man i want to dance with you. And he knows that my dream is to compete and that he needs lots of training to be able to do it with me and that i have the opprtunity to realise what i've been working for hardly since 8 years.
Dancing is my passion, and i said to myself that if i stop dancing i will regret it all my life and that he's so selfish wanting me to dance only with him. I tried to work with him, but dancing with my ex-partner is what i want because we're so good together and we're both pros. So i decided to leave him, to go find my dream. ( i loved him, but beside the dancing problem there are some other problems between us that pushed me to take this decision). I don't know if i did wrong by leaving my fiancé, or it's right because if he doesn't trust my passion for dancigng it will be hard for both of us after marriage.
I really need your opinion...
thank you!

When you say ex-partner, I assume you mean ex-dance partner, not ex-boyfriend?

I'm so sorry that happened, but if there were other problems as well, it may be that this is a case where dancing was just the catalyst that brought them to the surface. So it may end up being a good thing in the long run.

Take care--and enjoy your dance partnership! Wishing you much success!

I think you did the right thing. If you can't do what you love, you'll eventually come to resent the person who stopped you. (I guess another person CAN'T really stop you unless you allow them to, but you get my point.)

The day might come when you can no longer dance, but if that ever happens if won't be because you gave it up grudgingly for somebody.

Also, I have a really hard time with ultimatums. I'm just contrary enough to tell people who give me ultimatums to go stuff it.

But you have my sympathy - I know you're hurting badly right now.

I think the problem here might be that TrippleStep would like to dance, too, but doing so seperately from his wife is not an option because one has to mind the kids or sth?

So if this is just an issue of timing and working out a schedule that works for both, I would encorage you to have a got at it and see how you and dancing go together.

With other people trying to sow the seeds of doubt about relationship issues when there positively are none: Tell them to go to heck. What do they know about your relationship?

In my case, my lady partner is married with kids and she and her husbands seem to have their seperate time for hobbies scheduled pretty well. He minds the kids twice a week when we go dancing, she minds the kids when he goes to play soccer. Has worked great for the appr. 15 months that we have been dancing together, and I hope it hopes to continue to do so for a long time It was, however, clear form the outset that this was just a dance relationship and for me, personally, hitting on my lady partner is not only rude and against etiquette, it would also be extremely stupid for me. Why risk a great, working dance relationship (I know they are hard to find) with something like that?

Based on my own experiences and observations, a couple who pursues different hobbies from each other is easier to go astray than a couple who pursues a same hobby, unless they somehow find a way to spend a lot of time together outside of their hobby time. Relationship needs constant care and nourishment. If you don't spend enough time together, how can you take care of your relationship? Of course JMHO.

I've never posted here, but hope my situation helps you some. Been married 24 years and 4 years ago my wife got on my case for never dancing with her when we went out. So I took some lessons and surprised her, and I fell in love with ballroom. As fate would have it though, she had to have back surgery just a few months later. Here's the twist though. My wife was happy I'd learned to dance, but she didn't want me taking any more lessons because a few years ago, a couple close to us was on the verge of divorce. The reason? This couple competed in a lot of swing comps here locally, but the husband fired his wife when they weren't winning, and the husband went to a studio, got a new partner, and that new partnership turned into a full blown extramarital affair that lasted a few years. He has a history of cheating though. It wasn't the dancing that caused it. So out of respect for my wife, I didn't go to any lessons for about a year because of her uneasiness with it. Then out of the blue one day she suggested I go take lessons by myself, and she'd go when she was fully recuperated. In spite of all that, my wife tolerates me taking lessons grudingly and I don't go as much as I'd like to. At the studio, I always make it a point to let women know I'm married, I'm there to learn to dance, and I let them know I'm hoping my wife can take lessons with me when she is recuperated. I always give my wife a synopsis of who I danced with, whether it was an elderly lady or a young nineteen-year-old. That way, there are no secrets. As some others have said here, it is a matter of trust between you and your spouse.

Thank you all for your opinion and support. I was off for a couple of days to rest. And i came back convinced that i did the right thing.
Someone asked me what i meant by ex-partner: he's my ex-dancing partner of course.
Anyways, i wish you all good luck to be able to coordinate between your personal life and your passion for dancing.
thx again.

I too wrote a long well thought out response only to have it disapear?!?
Too summarize, I would recomend a book to dance couples out there. "The Ethical Slut". It is about poly-amorouse relationships.. Just do a little mental editing and replace the term "sex" with "dance".

Brendan

I don't know the book, so I'm not sure what point you're making.

But, IMO, equating dance with sex is what creates the problem we're discussing. For serious dancers, dance is about dance. It's no more about sex than it would be if one were a serious golfer or tennis player.