I have been dancing for 2-3 years, smooth and rhythm. My new girlfriend has been dancing for 1 year. She wants to dance with me every dance. I told her that in order to learn she must rotate during lessons and during social dancing. Please help me explain to her "WHY" people should rotate partners, especially beginners like us.

Every once in a while I'd see a new couple that don't want to dance with anyone else but themselves. My take on that is that they isolate or even alienate themselves from others. I don't think it's appropriate ettiquette to do that at a social or even a group class. But some people do it anyway.

You might want to ask her what she's looking to get out of learning to dance. It may be different than what you want her to get out of it. Maybe all she wants is to spend more time with you and dancing is like icing on top. May she doesn't want or it doesn't matter to her that you guys win any competitions.?

My wife and I have been taking ballroom lessons for about 5 years. I didn't mind rotating partners during group classes shortly after starting however it's only been the last couple of years that I feel comfortable enough to ask different women to dance at the weekly dances at our studio. Even now I still pretty much only ask women I know to dance. My wife still does not like to rotate when she does go to the weekly dance. I do believe that rotating helps you improve your skills but I think everyone moves at their own pace. My guess is that as she becomes more comfortable she will be more willing to rotate.

I know many people believe dancing only with one partner is not good ettiquette and that may be true. But the way I look at it is that we are paying a lot of money for lessons and I'm going to dance with the partner(s) I want to dance with. However my wife and I never turn down anyone if we are asked to dance and we do rotate during the group classes.

I might suggest trying to get her to rotate during group classes since you generally are working on a step or combinations. This might help her feel more comfortable. Or when she wants to rest and sit out a dance maybe you could ask someone else to dance. If she's by herself another man might ask her to dance which again might help her become more comfortable.

Good luck.

"I know many people believe dancing only with one partner is not good ettiquette and that may be true. But the way I look at it is that we are paying a lot of money for lessons and I'm going to dance with the partner(s) I want to dance with. However my wife and I never turn down anyone if we are asked to dance and we do rotate during the group classes."

News flash, everyone there at your studio is paying as much per lesson and is taking as many if not more lessons than you and/or spending as much or more time practicing at home than you. I had a couple of interesting observation about this. The first thing I noticed is that it's more common for the woman not to want to dance with other guys besides their husbands or boyfriend. I could never figure this out. It's not like the guy is asking her out for a date. I'm sure we all know you're spoken for. The other thing I noticed was that this is more common amongst newly wed couples (1-5years) or couples who are still dating. Once they've been together for a while, they will have learned a lot about each other and therefore they will be more comfortable interacting with others again.

"News flash, everyone there at your studio is paying as much per lesson and is taking as many if not more lessons than you and/or spending as much or more time practicing at home than you."

HIGHLY unlikely.

Levels of interest and effort vary widely, and trying to pretend otherwise will only lead to frustration.

I had that happen to me. My girlfriend wanted me to only dance with her.

This is a flag for a relashionship problem, better pay attention to it.

In my case, my girlfreind eventually started dating one of the other partners (since I would not dance exclusively with her).

"Ok. I attend group classes, and it is extremely unfair, inconsiderate and just out-right rude for people not to rotate partners when the instructor tells the class to do so!"

Tough luck. You don't know everyone's personal situation. It may be that staying together is not the best for their dancing, but ultimately the personal relationship is more important than the dancing, even in a couple that is only dancing together. Dance issues can be fixed later when they get to the point of private lessons, but interpersonal problems could well be permanent. If staying together is what makes them happy, then that's what they should do - regardless if it's the best in the long run or not.

"Sorry if I come off a bit angry, but, it's really annoying when you have to dance by yourself several times in the class simply because some people are making the conscious choice not to rotate."

Maybe you should make an effort to help recruit for the class.

Maybe she is just insecure and you should ask her why she is afraid of dancing with other men. It sounds like a fear based response and maybe if you find out why you can resolve the concern.

We can't assume to know here why she would be unwilling to rotate partners.

I know in my group that there are a few non-rotaters and honestly from watching their interpersonal dynamic I can see why the women won't switch.

In one case the woman has a lecherous husband who can't wait to get his hands on other women. Even when he is dancing with her he's making inappropriate eye-contact with other students. I hate when the instructor forces the rotation and I end up dancing with him. I think all of us are just as glad that the wife won't let him out of her clutches.

In another case the woman is the problem. When the instructor forces the rotation she finishes and pulls out sanitizing wipes between partners and swabs herself down and makes faces and noises like she has stepped in something nasty. I don't think the men should have to be subjected to her.

Just my opinion

In a teaching class where there are an uneven amount of men to women, or women to men, it is only fair that the the teacher would ask if you would mind changing partners and give those a turn who haven't yet had a partner.
At a Social Dance with no teaching I would not expect to dance with anyone other than my partner, that is the person I came with.

Polished,
I understand your expectations, but I'm just wondering - if your partner were not able to attend with you, would you attend a group class? A social dance?

I'm thinking that expectations might be a bit different for those who have a regular parnter, those who don't, and those who have a gular partner but are temporarily "stag".

Any thoughts?