Whether you are man or woman, it isn't the spine that you are elongating. It is the supporting musculature. Elongate your stomach muscles, the muscles in your back and your neck. Stretch them out, you should actually be able to visually see a change in how tall you are.
A lot of this has to do with visualization and imagery until your muscles actually understand what you are asking of them. Tell them what you want, focus on stretching them and when you are in proper frame let your body know that this is Ground Zero. You want to return to this point. When your body relaxes, or losses tension, remind it again.
When you get the proper stretch than you can start working on locking in the muscles in your back and shoulders so you can lead/follow properly.
Which muscles exactly and final position should be determined by a good coach. You can't really learn that from the web.