I hope that you aren't hearing me say be rude, because I'm not. I looked back and my response does sound a touch rude and it wasn't my intention.

I am saying you should do what pivotingfool says. Follow them, and if you do they will figure out that it isn't you who has a problem. In the meantime you are learning a lost art and he is right. A woman who can truly follow doesn't need to learn patterns.

I know them now, but I learned first to follow and then I learned the patterns. But they are for very different purposes. You almost HAVE to know the patterns if you are going to compete, but that is not always the most joyful part of dance. It is controlled and important but not essential.

Know your goals, and truly be a lady.

Well, at my lesson today I did speak with my instructor about the fact that at this point I seem to be dancing great tango with him and am not nearly as capable of discerning the lead from other guys. He seemed to feel that, at the stage I am currently at, this is common and not anything to be too concerned about. He said that, the longer I dance and the more practice I get dancing with many different partners, the less of this problem he feels I will have. He agrees, though, sometimes various men just don't lead very well or in some cases have become "lazy" in their lead because they have danced mostly with their female instructors who are at a pro level and therefore don't need much lead. At any rate, he pointed out to me (correctly, I realize) that there really isn't a whole lot he can do about the fact that some men don't do a real good job out there I knew that, of course, but just wanted to get any suggestions I could from him. With regard to the comment the one gentleman had made that I put too much of my own energy into the dance, my instructor disagreed with that. He said that I do have a lot of my own energy, but that he feels I still make every effort to follow the lead, and that sometimes my energy adds a lot to the dance - I am moving myself, albeit folliwng the pattern he leads me into. I felt better after hearing this, because he knows what he is doing and I trust what he tells me.

Oh, forgot to mention in the post above - re teaching the international standard patterns, my instructor mentioned several patterns, especially in waltz, that we have already learned which are standard, so he is definitely including that in my lessons.

Since you just started dancing, I would not try to learn both styles, American and International. They have different technique and steps. You are very new at dancing and have many steps to learn as well as learning to follow. Following takes time and experience and there are no short cuts. It took me a coupe of years to learn to follow well to the point where, if I dance with a man whose lead is confusing, I can keep my feet moving and do something until I figure out what he wants. Many men are not good leads and even if you follow faithfully and still don't get it, they are not going to look at themselves and think they need to improve. The man you were talking about, is rude. He should dance obvious steps with a beginner, not throw in his own stuff just to show off to whoever he thinks is watching.
As for how long you should continue, as others have said that is up to you, but I know social dancers who never stop taking lessons and never will. There is never a point where you know it all.

Lady,

I do find it interesting that some men truely believe that it is never their fault.

I believe the only rational way for a male Social Dancer to look at it is that it is always our fault.

If it is my fault, I can do something to correct it. I will adjust my lead to my partner. Or I can adjust what I am trying to lead. (The real test of a true gentleman is if he can do nothing but simple box steps for three minutes, if that is what it takes to make his partner happy!)

A newer dancer generally needs a little more strength in the lead she gets. The secret is that even though the lead is strong, it must be smoothly given. (Jerky motion is of little help.)

I teach that it is the man's job to analize what the lady knows, and to lead her to do just a little bit more than she is comfortable doing. (I said a little bit!)

Another thing about accepting the blame is that I never have to waste valuable floor time deciding who did what wrong. (How many hours of floor time are wasted fighting about whose fault it is?)

I apologize, and if I think she is game, I try again, if it still fails, I will try something easier.

The man's first responsibility is to make the lady feel like she wants to dance some more.

Telling a new lady dancer that she has messed up seldom helps her progress. Yelling at her doesn't help her to relax. Complaining does nothing of value.

When the lady finishs dancing with me, (Regardless of her skill level.), I want her to feel good about herself. I want her to feel like she is improving. I want to help plant the seeds of her love for dancing.

If she walks away smiling, I feel like I have done a good job.

This is what works for me, perhaps being rude works for someone else, but I doubt it.

Of course, I am a mere social dancer. Maybe competitors know something that I don't?

You are a dream come true, I wish all men had your attitude! There is no "mere social dancer". Social dancers can have as much skill and finesse as those who compete.
As a follower, I know that when I first started dancing I always thought it was my fault when I couldn't follow. Then I started talking to other women and found out that they also had problems with a particular dancer. I stopped being so hard on myself and did not allow the guy to get away with correcting me on the dance floor. Nor did I let him teach me the '"right way". 'Bully dancers' (as we call them) don't last long at our studio because no one will dance with them.

Some people just love to show off their prowess ending up bully dancers. They forget that the more mastery they achieve, the more humility they should practice.

Lady,

As a Social Dancer, things are a bit different. I don't believe so much in, "Right or wrong."

Social dancing is more like a conversation. I will often tell a lady that when I do this, I am trying to convey that thought. (Or movement.)

It is not about her doing something wrong, it is about her being able to understand the feelings and body movements of this dumb man.

Perhaps the lead I use, is not understood the way I meant to use it. If that is the case, the woman's response might not be exactly what I wanted.

Therefore, I must clearify my meaning. I usually do this by asking if you "Feel", something my body has done.

I might ask if you feel me leaning, or stretching. Once you feel it, then I can tell you what I want you to do when you feel it.

The ladies who taught me to dance, (A long tome ago.), sometimes told me that they did not feel it. (When that happened, I adjusted my lead so they could feel it.) Other times they would tell me that what they felt did not encourage them to do what I wanted. (Again, I adjusted.)

Dancing, (For me.), is a conversation with a beautiful woman. If I do not get my thoughts across, she will not enjoy our time together.

I am not big on, "Right and Wrong". Other than to say that if you and your partner feel as one with the music, and if you lose yourselves in the music, and if you forget all the troubles in your life, and if you feel like you and your partner are the only dancers on the floor, if you are traveling somewhere in your heart that no travel agent has ever been able to arrange for you, you might be doing something right!

"Other than to say that if you and your partner feel as one with the music, and if you lose yourselves in the music, and if you forget all the troubles in your life, and if you feel like you and your partner are the only dancers on the floor, if you are traveling somewhere in your heart that no travel agent has ever been able to arrange for you, you might be doing something right!"

Those are the moments that keep us dancing! I still remember the first time (we were fairly new dancers) my husband and I got through a waltz without one misstep.
Just because I have a problem following does not mean the man is doing something 'wrong'. There are some men that I just don't get. One is a pro at our studio, he is a good dancer but I misinterpret his lead more often than not. I can't figure out why. On the other hand, my pro partner is as clear as a bell for me, but I know women who come to me and say they are amazed that I can dance with him. The 'feel' thing you talk about is hard to pin down. I wouldn't blame a man for thinking,"why should I adjust, when everyone gets it but you".

I think there is too much pressure to create an instant lead and follow in ballroom. It's hard to do with someone you aren't used to dancing with.

In Argentine Tango they group dances off. You have four dances with each man or woman you are dancing with. They assume the first dance or two you'll be spending getting used to each other's lead and follow and the rest of the dances will be spent actually dancing.

I like that system, unless you end up with a creepball. Then...not so much.