I have an opinion question for all you dancers, amateurs and pros, students, instructors, alike. I'll present the scenario; responses and opinions will be greatly appreciated.

Throughout my years of dancing, I discovered that when a couple is being taught, the best way to approach a problem is to not blame your partner (i.e., "He doesn't lead me right for this step"; "She doesn't know the step, she can't follow").

I'd like to know your opinion of how to approach such a situation and how to (diplomatically) present it and correct it.

I try to put it on me. Ie, "I seem to be in your way here...I keep getting hit with your knee." or "I just can't catch that lead, I'm sorry!" or "I don't know why I can't get my leg through here." Of course, that's when we're practicing or the lesson's on me. If I'm the one teaching, I get to put it all on them...that's what they pay me for! I will say though, that I've learned to be nicer to my partner since I started teaching. When I see couples bickering, or one treating the other badly (blaming everything on them, being rough, etc), I see how bad it looks and it makes me very conscientious about how I interact with my partner!

Some of my best lines are:

"Something doesn't feel quite right, can we try that again?"

"Can I get you to try doing this? Just to see how it feels." Followed up by "Did that feel better or worse?"

"Am I giving you enough connection (drive, etc.)?"

"Don't be afraid to take a longer stride (etc.)...."

I think the main thing is, if you are going to correct your partner and have them listen, you need to also listen to your partner.

The only time, I don't feel bad about being really blunt, is when my partner just pulled a move that could've hurt me, like not waiting for me to completely turn before yanking my arm down. >

Thank you one and all for your responses.

I agree that the problem should be stated so that the blame is put on one's self. In the past, I've always said to the instructor, "...is the problem. What am I doing wrong?" Nine out of ten times, I discovered my partner was giving a wrong lead, or lacking in lead.

Twnkltoz, I had the knee-hitting problem a few years ago. I found out that I wasn't moving (getting my let out of the way).

To let everyone know, my partner commented that I drop my frame all the time. Besides everyone advice on how to handle the problem with my partner, I asked my instructor why my shoulders and neck hurt when I try to hold my frame myself. His response was that my partner is not holding his frame and I cannot possible hold my frame [totally] by myself without the muscles eventually giving in.

I learned something new.

The next time I discuss this with my partner, now I know how to respond.

Again, thanks on and all.

Regards, Hoofer