This is the deadly spite that ails me
My wife can play no golf.
And I no dance.

I have danced for 4 years. I love it and it makes me very happy. My husband does NOT want to learn to dance, though he has made himself known at my studio by taking great pictures of studio events. I think you have to have a balance. I do not go to the studio every night because I need to spend some nights at home with my husband. I'm very open with my husband about what happens at the studio, and I'm careful that any routines I would do, he would be OK with. He has liked the changes that have come about because of my dancing, so over all, it's a win-win. If I had to choose, I would choose my husband. But, he would also never make me choose.

I am a 62 year old male and was blessed to started ballroom dancing since I was 21. My wife and I had been together for 23 yrs now and we didn't really danced until 10 yrs ago. I never forced her to dance and while we started to go on cruises, after many, the shows and entertainments repeats so she started to dance a little at first, then wanted more. We both dealt with dancing as an exercise for our health for the future (good for the mind, balance, body) and will be something we can continue to do together until we both can no longer walk! In the beginning, my wife is very concerned when I do any steps/patterns that will make her look bad on the floor so I only dance what she likes and true there are times I felt that she is progressing in her dances but I was stuck and going backwards and start to forget many patterns I have learned thru the years. Slowly, people started to notice us as a couple dance smoothly together as one and started to comment her and asking if she competes or if she is an instructor these days. These kind of comments makes her want to improve even further, so my experience is dancing can not be rushed. It takes time and patience with each other. In my case, me being an experience male dancing with a lady is so much easier than the other way around.

Thru the years of observations, I find many man feels being dumb on the floor and thus make them not motivated to learn. I consider myself a very good instructor but I don't teach. On cruises, I do teach friends met onboard where they show interest in learning. My first thing is to tell the wives that ballroom dancing is a partnership dance. Doesn't matter if one is very good and if the partner is not as good, you will viewed as a couple and not individually. Wife has to be very patient and must encourage her spouse to motivate him to dance. If not, it will never work. Basically women learns faster because they need only to learn the steps and to follow in the beginning. Whereas, the men needs to learn the steps, listen to the beats of the music, think what patterns to do and when to execute the lead. It is so...HARD for men to do all these things together. Remember, men were all one track mind and now you ladies are asking men to multi-task!!! So be patient, compliment how well he is doing even if just so, so. Kind words will go a long way especially when men felt so intimated by the more experience mens on the floor. Men just feels threaten and don't like to look stupid even if we are. The other problems I find is that some instructors are teaching too many patterns and too many different dances all at once. It becomes a struggle for men to remember so many things that by the next morning, 90% of what was learned was lost. Now, men will feel they wasted all that money. Most of them don't make the $$$ per hour as the instructors so they value the $$$ they spend is worth it. I only teach people in the beginning a rumba + 1 other simple dance like single step swing, nothing more. I only teach them basic steps plus basic turns. Not too technical because it will feel like teaching a 1 yr old to run before walking. Once they can dance thru a music (must be the music they like as a couple and not what the instructor likes) with good definitive beats, they now feel they have accomplish something and $$$ is not wasted. Thru the years I have thought many friends (100's) and most of them enjoys to dance and is a good healthy social gathering. The bottom line is they must practice by going to dances at least couple times a week. Don't have to dance every dance, just to gather with good friends/make new friends on the floor, to practice. Practice, Practice, Practice until muscle memory kicks in. Once men get over the beginning hump, then they will feel like back to control their life and believe me, men can love to dance even more than women! The post is too long and had to continue next

This is continuation to my post:

Dancing is ask simple as walking in time of music at a preset sets of steps and directions. So, give it time. It is just like babies learning how to walk, it took they months to prepare for their first steps. They must crawl first to buildup their muscles, so is dancing. You are asked to step in different timing and directions where you are not used to do normally. Muscle memory will kick in.

Dancing is sooo... good for ones health. As we age, our mind is sharp, we are toned and well balanced so we will have much less chance of falling and break our bones, gathering with dancing friends is such a good social event that will take stress out and good for the hearts. Therefore, I do wish everyone to dance and make it fun.....don't argue, it will ruin your relationship and reverse your intension of trying to do something fun as a couple!

Lastly, if one instructor is not clicking with your learning style, do change instructors. Good dancer may not always be a good instructor for you and vice versa, a not so good dancer may be the Best instructor you can learn from.

This is continuation to my post:

Dancing is ask simple as walking in time of music at a preset sets of steps and directions. So, give it time. It is just like babies learning how to walk, it took they months to prepare for their first steps. They must crawl first to buildup their muscles, so is dancing. You are asked to step in different timing and directions where you are not used to do normally. Muscle memory will kick in.

Dancing is sooo... good for ones health. As we age, our mind is sharp, we are toned and well balanced so we will have much less chance of falling and break our bones, gathering with dancing friends is such a good social event that will take stress out and good for the hearts. Therefore, I do wish everyone to dance and make it fun.....don't argue, it will ruin your relationship and reverse your intension of trying to do something fun as a couple!

Lastly, if one instructor is not clicking with your learning style, do change instructors. Good dancer may not always be a good instructor for you and vice versa, a not so good dancer may be the Best instructor you can learn from.

Hello all..my story is that I started ballroom with my partner (his idea). We were both complete beginners. He learns much faster than me,I find it difficult to retain so much information in such a short space of time. He used to get quite impatient with me,so much so that I detested going. There was an argument most weeks. I told him how I felt and he said he didn't mean anything by it (we had only been together a year) and he tried hard to change his behaviour. It did get better but I'm not as keen as he is and it's still a bone of contention. We discussed it again and I agreed to go for his sake, but I just don't enjoy ballroom dancing, I'm more the Latin/salsa type,that is not his thing. I just have to add that although neither of us are great dancers, he cannot dance in time, and that's yet another bone of contention as he doesn't see that it's much of a problem. I do..it feels so wrong, maybe this is the reason I don't enjoy it.

Reluctant Dancer

Dancing off time IS a big deal. I dont enjoy social dancing that much for this very reason. I only go to celebrate a birthday. I spend a lot of time just catching up with everyone. Last week I watched a guy who thinks hes all that AND a bag of chip. He stands along the side lines and will only dance with the really cute girls. I watched him cha cha with one girl - I was getting mad for her! He shoved her one direction then another. He would NOT let her finish a move, but then HE was not finishing his own moves either. Rolling through the feet - whats that???? Apparently he thinks the party is up stairs as much as down stairs. So much chatter on the connection NO girl could hear his lead.

Any way you can take lessons/dance Pro/Am? This would fix any problems you might have developed with your last partner. It would give you a feeling of security to dance with a professional, AND you can learn at YOUR pace. Hopefuly this will love dancing again.

I'm in a little different situation ... I'm a guy who has danced for 15 years, intermediate skills. It's been a one-a-week hobby for many years. I just married my partner of 5 years. She hasn't danced much before, but we're taking lessons, she's turning out to be a much quicker study than I ever was ... she's learning fast.

So, it seems like a good deal. This is the situation: she's fine with the dance part, she just doesn't like the social part - for herself. She also doesn't like crowded dance floors.

She's fine with me going dancing by myself - as I have for a few years. However, I'm feeling less comfortable going by myself, largely due to the less favorable reactions of some women dancers. During a mixer, a couple women that didn't know me refused to dance with me more than once (the numbers were fairly even, we were paired up again), even though I kept a respectful distance, and let them have their space. This generally did not happen before, and it was somewhat embarrassing; I assume it was because they saw my ring.

Any thoughts on what is the best way to work this situation? It seems that married women who go dancing without their spouse are not seen with the same suspicion as a guy who does.

Allybabba

Being a jerk is NOT gender specific. These ...girls are breaking social dance code - you do not refuse a person a dance (male or female) unless....
#1 you dont have your dance shoes on.
#2 You really dont know the steps of the particular dance. (but you should be willing to have that person show you how to do the basics)
#3 You are totally out of breath and need a dance to re-oxygenate.
#4 You just killed your foot.

In the 4 studios I dance - married folk come to there and dance with everyone.
Wives come by themselves and dance with everyone.
Husbands come by themselves and dance with everyone.

Its a dance not a contract to do .... what ever. Unless you are making passes at the girls, which I assume you are not.

Brush it off to these females being total jerks and dont bother wasting your time on them again.

As for your wife, crowded floors teach you better floor craft and how to better pay attention to your partner. I have found as I have progress out of Bronze and working for competition, I dont enjoy social dancing as much. I get tired of guys cutting out important portions of patterns. Pushing/pulling me off my center/balance. Young guys who dance smooth dances like they were 105 yrs old and on glass hips. I understand keeping progressive moves in check when the floor is crowded, but when its open and barely moving gets old fast. IMHO

I wish you and your wife the best.

It's normal that spouses have different hobbies.