Here's a dilemma that I hope someone can help with.

Our child, in Juvenile, has been told that they have a very promising dancing career. Apparently, they are unusual in their level of ability and focus at this age so we don't expect everyone to be the same!
They were matched with a partner about 5 months ago. We were worried at first, as we were told that this partner had previously refused to dance with another person the school had tried to match them with. We were told they could be difficult to handle, was younger and were nowhere near the level of our child. We stuck with it, as we were told male/female partnerships were like gold-dust. The partner has sadly messed about at every opportunity, doesn't want to practice and when they are dragged along, will do everything within their power to make life difficult for their parents, their teachers and their partner. Even when they've had a taste of what “could be” i.e. at comps, it doesn't gee them up to wanting to get any further than achieving last place in boy/girl comps. They apparently have no wish to get a “first”, or “second”. They have apparently improved, though!
It's now having a major effect on our child - we can see a distinct downturn in enthusiasm and a very huge increase in their frustration. We've told the teachers of our worries.The parents don't seem to be able to be able to have any influence; the child has already admitted they can make their mother do whatever they want. We've been told there will be an improvement – although despite several “talks”, nothing the teachers or the parents say ever makes any difference. We've been told to stick with it cos boy partners are rare – we've also been told to stay with it cos she'll be head-hunted at competitons because she's so talented.

Do we stick with it cos boy partners are rare, even tho we all end up wasting huge amounts of time and money and enthusiasm? We won't move away from the school as they're brilliant. We currently see all our child's efforts going down the pan with a partner who is utterly unwilling to put in the effort and who has parents who have lost control over him. Basically, he has to be bribed to come along to lessons and practice. Our child, in comparison, lives for dance, loves it and cries when we DON'T take her to practice!! HELP!!?
Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated. We don't want to be unreasonable here and realise that kids will be kids! He's a lovely boy, we really like him, get on with the parents but he won't work!
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hi i need help.

well my name is partrica and i think could help you and so this is what you could do um talk to her and him tell them do they like what they are doing and just like ask them question and all stuff like that.and just do your best you can and surely things will work out.Good Luck!

Okay, I'm not a parent and I'm not familiar with the demands of competition. But from what you say and how you say it, it sounds to me like you already know what you WANT to do: drop the partner. You say you like the boy, yet your description of him (put bluntly) is of an unmotivated and manipulative spoiled brat, with zero interest in dance to boot. The example being set, and the frustration being created, sounds more caustic and injurious for your daughter's character & development than the partner is beneficial to dancing. If your daughter is as talented as the teachers indicate, I think the first priority is to nurture her enthusiasm and attitude. With a love for what she does as well as talent, she will excel with or without a partner (JMHO).

But, putting that aside: have you asked your daughter what she wants to do? How old is she? Will she answer based on her feelings, or on trying to please you? If she's old and mature enough, certainly her wishes should be taken into account.

Perhaps the most pragmatic approach would be to set a deadline (and stick to it). Besides the teachers, the boy should be told directly about it, and why (perhaps the idea someone might reject *him* can cause an attitude change, however improbable -- but at least he'll have a fair chance). You say the teachers say she will be noticed at competitions, so whatever timeframe you use should include a couple of competitions -- giving the teachers and you the time to perhaps identify another partner. Another possibility -- if circumstances allow, perhaps you could recruit (or even pay for) a partner from your daughter's male playmates or friends? Kids she likes will probably have similar "type" interests, and just may never have been exposed to dance. They might discover they love it, especially if your daughter's enthusiasm is catching. The boys parents might be delighted to have him learn a valuable social skill.

In general, where there's a will, there's a way. Give the current kid a fair and *final* chance to shape up. From what might be the naive perspective of a competition "outsider," he seems to be doing little good, and perhaps much harm. Good luck....

hi Cleo
I'm a competition dancer and although i've no experience of this situation among juveniles, i've seen it among my senior friends, so maybe i can pass on some experience.
We have a saying here in Ireland "you can't have a bowl of clean water without throwing out the dirty water first". I have a friend who is desperate to improve and enter comps, but her male partner is disinterested and will use any excuse to avoid practice, comps etc. Very like your situation, only these are seniors. Male partners are precious here too, so my friend is sticking to her partner. But she's SOOO frustrated about it.
The difficulty with issuing ultimata or looking for a new partner while the existing partnership continues is that the male (the boy in your case) will be even less likely to make a committment.
Answer this simple question "Is your daughter going anywhere with this boy?"
From your letter, i would say - NO, definitely no. She will become more and more frustrated as time goes on. The boy will be less inclined to work at the dancing as he gets older, and other distractions, including jobs, careers, life partners etc, start to be more obvious. It's around the age of 20 or so that many junior/juvenile partnerships feel the strain, and if the committment is low to start with, there can be only one outcome.
You are lucky - your daughter is obviously very talented and very committed to dancing. She will find a good partner. Think long-term. Make it obvious that your daughter is looking for a partner, and one will turn up, maybe not immediately. There is no future in the present set-up, from what you've said. The amateur dance world is very competitive, and considerable work and dedication is required.

Thanks to everyone for the replies. They've been very helpful to us. A lot of what was said, or suggested, confirms what we had already been thinking, so we know we must be kind of on the right track! Thanks