Hi Laura,

I thought I would "weigh in" here on this subject because it just seems to come up at the comps I go to (only as a spectator so far). Some of the overweight dancers are their own worst enemies when they are on the floor and it's the ladies in the Latin or Rhythm cats where it's most noticeable. As you say, you are about 50 pounds overweight and I've seen many amateur dancers in the same boat, but some of them don't seem to use their heads when selecting their dance costume. If a lady is overweight, she probably would be best served by not buying a costume that has about as much material as a couple of handkerchiefs. Right or wrong, if the judge winces each time you pass by, your score is probably going to suffer. And guess what? Your score may not be going down at all, but the judges may not be looking your way most of the time and the other competitors scores may be going up as they are scrutinized a little closer.

I feel the same way when I see 60-80 year old women out on the floor for Standard and Smooth dances, wearing very nice ballgowns cut all the way down to their butts in the back. Now, one out of twenty can get away with that because they still have the bodies they had when they were twenty-five, but most look like they have the body of a 60-80 year old woman. Doesn't there come a time when common sense would say that a ballgown that goes all the way up to the neck in back is the better choice? I may seem to be picking on women more than men here, and for the most part, that may be true, but it isn't meant with a mean spirit. I just can't remember seeing some 65 year old guy, overweight by 50 pounds, on the floor wearing a slinky Latin shirt open the navel. I'm sure it's happened, but not that I've ever seen (Thank God).

Now before you, or anyone fires off a flame here, understand when I say "you" and "your", I'm speaking of comp dancers in general, not you specifically. I have no idea what kind of costume you would wear to comps or how you carry your weight on the floor. From your description of your ability, I would think you moved very well. And second, I am somewhat in the same boat as you. I'm 5'8" and weigh in at 188. I was at 195 about four months ago. I intend to drop to about 170-175, but I understand where you are coming from right now. Being in the shape I'm in right now, you wouldn't catch me ever wearing one of those slinky Latin shirts. Probably never would anyway, but that's a different story. I'm competing in a small weekly comp at the studio, which is a take off on the Dancing With The Stars theme, where each teacher dances with one of their students each Friday for the month of March. Last week we did Rumba and a couple of the male teachers wore those aforementioned Latin shirts and they can get away with it. I wore my tux pants, white tux shirt and a green bowtie (St. Patrick's Day). No one wants to see me in a shirt open to the navel, I can assure you. Oh, for Tango this week, I wore the same thing except a red tux shirt and black bow tie.

My costumes are very well-designed and covered up. People would say to me things like my dresses were always great and my hair and makeup were always excellent. I know what you mean about people dressing inappropriately for their age and body type, but that was not my problem.

I just got tired of judges making snarky comments like "if I see an overweight dancer I assume they aren't working hard enough and won't mark them to the next round" (look, I'm an adult with a whole other life outside dancing, I practice as much as my partner's and my schedule allows) or, after I horribly twisted my ankle in one dance and asked the MC for the customary 20 minute break between rounds that people are supposed to get, the Chairman denied it and the MC snipped "that's why we call it dance SPORT." They ran the round immediately thereafter, with no break whatsoever, not even five minutes. They thought I was asking for the time because I am fat, not because I needed to do something about my ankle -- I didn't even have time to rub it or put on an ankle support that I had in my bag. My coach complained to the officials afterwards and the MC actually came and apologized to me later but still....

I know this is going to really bother some people, and I don't know what to say other than be aware that there are some really unforgiving people out there running dancesport. They will be constantly suprised that a big person (and what is big? I wear the average size of US women, a 14) can dance well, as if being overweight is some huge handicap like not having a leg or something.

Be strong and take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. The exercise from dancing can help you lose weight if you haven't been very physically active, but the most important thing for you should be enjoying an activity you love, and learning and developing as a dancer and a performer, not how thick your waist is or if you have "love handles" -- no matter what other people say or do. Hopefully I can let all this go and get back to dancing, but as you can tell I'm still carrying around a lot of anger and upset.

Dancing is excellent exercise and that is why many of the people you see dancing are so fit. Many of them were not so fit, before they started dancing. Getting some exercise is one of the reasons some of us started dancing.

A friend of mine says she saw pictures of some of the instructors at the studio we go to from years ago. She claims it is unbelievable how much their appearance has changed through dancing. And I have heard that now from quite a few people at the studio.

One of the young ladies there is now considering to start training for competitions. She is quite overweight but that is not stopping her.

At least among social dancers, few have the perfect figure. But where I go dancing very few people care. Yes we too have a guy who only asks the really good looking instructors to dance... but he pays the price for that because he is staying behind in his dance skills.

The important thing is this: if you love to dance, others will love to dance with you.

WOW! Thanks so much for all of the responses!!! Well as far as dancing competivly I would not even think of that at the time. Danicing just looks so much fun, I know that it is hard work, but hard work doesnt bother me. I always thought that dancing would help me loose weight, but like the gym it almost seems like you need to be fit to start!!!!

Thanks for the advice!!!!!

Denise

I've found out why people don't like people who either can't, don't, or won't "conform" to their norms. It shakes their secure, believable, reliable world completely UP. I've seen it happen first-hand. Someone has actually said "You know, I don't think that fat $%&*@! should dance here. She's making me feel inferior- look at her... Every dance, THERE THEY ARE, on the FLOOR.. What GIVES?"... someone who weighed ninety pounds said this. She's the same one who loudly insults and jeers her own boyfriend/partner on the floor, shoves him, stomps off, or any number of things, when things don't go "her" way.

A "fat" person who can outdance someone half her size? Unfathomable. No. that just doesn't happen in "our world. Let's just erase that part from the Holy Scripture of Dance, so it dies with time, and they can only hear/see/remember a time of these ugly bony broads with white makeup masks, but orange-brown skin, gargantuan tarantula eyelashes, and a brassy gold knob on the back of their head. THAT's beauty, because we SAY it is, dammit!"

This is the sentiment that is considered "trolling" by the beautiful people of other places. Hmm. I wonder why. "Oh, no- there's someone who actually opened her eyes and SAW what we were- QUICK, GIT 'ER!"

You should remember that it's not about what you LOOK like when you first start dancing. If it's something you like, just try it. Nobody's looking at you- they're too busy covering up their own goofs and trying to stay on their feet to worry about anyone else- trust me, beginner floorcraft is VERY evident of this.

I constantly find myself questioning the standard of grooming, particularly in Latin, with all the fake tan and people dying their hair jet black to look "Latin", whatever the heck that means. Sometimes I think the "ideal" of "Latin" is a 1950's "I Love Lucy" style cliche'.

Sometimes I think one of the reasons why "Dancing with the Stars" became so popular while other televised ballroom contests have not (as much) has to do with the more relaxed grooming -- people aren't tanned orange, the women wear their hair in softer styles, and the makeup is done to look good in close-ups as well as in long shots so there is no scary clown-style makeup. Plus the dancing itself is more naturalistic -- none of that super sleezy over-acting that turns up on the competition floor from time to time. You could really see the joy in what the 'stars' were doing. I'm hoping that dancesport will learn something from this. As more people who were inspired by that show start dancing, I wonder if things will change? They cynical side of me doubts it, and I think that a number of nice people who who looking for a fun activity that brings excitement and self-satisfaction to their lives will quit after a while due to the beauty-contest/dog show (see "Best in Show" to see what I mean) aspects of dancesport.

Anyway, I just read an essay on Salon.com by a talented, nice looking, but ultimately frustrated actor who despite his talents etc. has realized that he only can and will go so far in Hollywood. The way he talked about things gave me some insight into my feelings about competitive dancesport and my relationship to it, even though these are two different fields, there are some things that are in common from my point of view.

I loved dancing. I liked the fact that when I was dancing I felt beautiful and graceful and elegant. I liked learning and executing new things, and developing the use of my body. I liked expressing how I felt about the music through my body. I liked getting dressed up and enjoyed the excitement of competition. It's a wonderful activity and it sure is a way of adding something beautiful and exciting and fun and challenging to your life. But it has its downsides, too, as Macha and I have described.

You know- I'm not sure if Laura can't say it or won't say it- or why, maybe it's because she doesn't see it, or DOES see it and just wants to get past that toxic, bitter taste that this particular (stick with me, the run-on is ending soon) aspect of dancing leaves. Someone needs to just say things (lengthily) sometimes:

Dancing is seldom the problem. The people IN dancing ARE.

You just have to find out for whom or what you choose to dance- and then do it.

I've never met Laura, and because I'm a psycho, likely never will, but I know that she wasn't a bad dancer. She wasn't a mean, superficial, terrible, back-stabbing person. She wasn't inarticulate.

But somebody didn't like her.

How can somebody dislike a lady like Laura, just by going by her talents, personality, kindness, and efforts?

You can't.

They had to find SOMETHING to knock her for, so they could give that award/whatever to the person they chose.

They played the weight card.

As in horse shows- "Conformation of horse is used only to break a tie in Horsemanship and Showmanship classes."

What's worse though, is that in horse shows, proper conformation (the way a horse's body is built) is not only relative to their performance, but essential in prospective breeding stock. Horse shows HAVE a reason. "People shows" like dance comps DON'T. If it's about beauty, it should be a beauty contest. If it's about dancing, it should be a dancing competition.

Those judges didn't put a saddle on Laura and ride her around the floor, and her ability to produce graceful and beautiful children is irrelevant to dance, so the sonso$%&*@!es really missed out on a gracious and talented ambassador the day they LET her walk out that door, possibly never to return. I WOULDN'T have looked into comps if I hadn't thought that Laura and other people like her were competing. Now that SHE'S gone, why should I compete? So they can do it to me, too? I'm already a sociopathic toxic headwreck- do they REALLY want to hand me scissors with which to run? Naked? Down the floor at the Emerald Ball? During the Pros? Did I already say Naked?

Laura NEVER lost a comp. THEY (the naysayers, if you couldn't follow the trail of unintelligible, slavering bile) did.

(Why is Macha soooo upset at the world?
1. The puppy got ran over by a teenybopper bitch on a cellphone who wasn't sorry until her own cellphone struck her in her prettied-up face, accompanied by a sailor's vocabulary.
2. The car broke down on the way to a $150-a-plate-non-refundable-formal-big-band-dance-ball.
3. It'll soon be Sunday. A Sunday in which Macha won't be able to dance, because she can't get to the studio because the car's broke down; See reason 2.
4. Macha is currently in a heated battle with ovarian cysts.
5. The Marzipan Store no longer sells Marzipan, so it is now just That Damned Store that Used to Sell Marzipan. )

PS- sorry for going on a tangent- you have no idea how sorry, nor precisely why. I know that my brand of thought is REALLY REALLY scorned-upon by "such classy and genteel folk of Dance"... you know, you can't THINK unless it conforms with whatever anybody else thinks. There's always one like me that slips through the cracks, leaving the Barbies and Kens to go "Who let that disaster in?"

You mean painted, right?



Sometimes I think those Latin dancers buy their tanning products at Home Depot. Probably layer it on with a putty knife.

"Blue light special in the paint department - Burnt Sunset #58 - $57.99 a gallon. Looks great on the trim and around the windows, and also under the hot lights of competition."

Wonderful thread and says exactly why my partner and I refuse to compete even at low level, friendly comps. Ever. We dress up and go to local social dances, we have our group and private lessons as we can afford them and we have fun. FUN! Imagine that