Thank you for your reply GuestAT, yes, it is true, we can't be liked by everyone. And I DO appreciate your comment, "Welcome to our world...", most of the time, men have to put themselves out there....and experience rejection. I did brush the "no" off, as this particular person is often very friendly toward me and has also complimented my dancing. But everyone has a right to say no. I guess I was just bewildered, and felt like I shouldn't have asked(?) But you are right, women have to accept rejection gracefully too.
Thanks again...

with experience, you can learn to tell what the answer would be before you ask the question

This is a good point, as I considered the fact that I think I've only seen this gentleman dance with his wife. So, I questioned whether I should have asked. But it is normally our social dancing "culture" that we dance with people other than our significant other. No biggie, it teaches me to be more aware. There have been other times when I've been afraid to ask, and found out that the person was just shy as well and was happy I did! It's all a learning process.

In my studio and my former studio, we've always taught people to accept a dance with anyone who asks. Of coarse there are always times when someone is just taking a break or something, but then they would promise the next dance to the asker. It helps build self confidence not just as a dancer, but in life. I had a male student about 22 yrs old who was at best described as "socialy awkward". About six months or so into dancing, I saw him out at a nightclub working the room and dancing with several women. To know that my passion and career had helped build his confidence in even his social life made me feel great in what I do.

Most of the time ladies, you are the ones shooting us down, on the dance floor and off. It requires a lot of courage for a lot of us to ask the opposite sex for something as intimate as a dance, especially if we don't know each other. I wish everyone would learn these manners and ballroom in general in school.

"I wish everyone would learn these manners and ballroom in general in school."

I totally agree. That would improve life in general and not just on the dance floor! And when I turn someone down because I just did 5 dances in a row, or I promised a dance to someone, I will always "owe" them a dance.
But what should a woman do if she has been "hurt" in the past by someone who needs work on their leading skills? I never want to hurt someone's feelings, but if it comes down to someone injuring my rotator cuff(which I am currently healing from), I have to say no and don't know how to not offend.
I know a lovely man I always talk to who loves to spin me, but whom I try to avoid dancing with because of this. And I wonder what he must think. I can't bring myself to tell him. But someone should. Thoughts?

But that is guessing or assuming, and you might miss out on dancing our meeting someone great if you think their body langue is telling you not to bother. Give it a try you might be surprised. Of course if this person has rejected you repeatedly then. You might know the answer. Larry

"But that is guessing or assuming, and you might miss out on dancing our meeting someone great if you think their body langue is telling you not to bother. Give it a try you might be surprised. Of course if this person has rejected you repeatedly then. You might know the answer. Larry"

The corallary of which is that certain people can expect to be constantly harassed by inconsiderate folks who refuse to pay attention to even quite obvious hints, such as having the person they are walking up to turn their back.

and in between you have to use judgement.

take some chances of course, but be perceptive first

Hi Thanks to Larry and Anonymous. It is true sometimes we misjudge. Here's a funny story. A man I often see had given off an impression that I should not ask, or I thought he was a bit aloof or "too good to dance with me." One night at a social he accidentally knocked his partner into me, hitting me in the head. He was so apologetic and gave me a dance to make up for it. I told him not to worry, I've been hit worse before! But since then, he will ask me to dance and I found out he is a nice guy. So, we broke the ice...with my head!

I would still like some comment on how to handle rejecting someone because they have hurt me in the past. Still baffled on that one.

Thanks!

If you want to dance with him, say yes but tell him that you can't spin because you have a shoulder injury that's healing. I usually resist being dipped by anyone I don't know and trust, but I excuse it by saying "sorry, back problem."

You could be honest and say, "I'd like to, but I found your lead a bit too forceful last time. Can we try a gentler connection?"

If you think he's really a menace to anyone he dances with, you might say something to the organizer of the dance.