Prisoner = committed bad deed, remove from society = bad person = not someone you want around you, especially not on the dance floor.

I am glad that i am not the only one having trouble with a partner in the dancing arena. Other than the experiences that i have heard of, most men/women back off when told to do so, unfortunately not this one ).

Here is what i am dealing with.....since it is halloween he/she should really wear a prisoner outfit, it will suit him/her pretty well.

I can't quite make out from your message whether you are male or female (peetjedanst)..... i'd like to know what you said to your partner to get rid of him/her ? I have tried several tactics with this "prisoner" but he/she seems to be hard of hearing or maybe just not "with us" ( Maybe english is a bit of a problem ...).

( I hate to ask non dance related questions on this dancetalk website, but since this topic has been such an active one, i just could not resist. )

I would like to request that we keep the conversation respectable, not everything that has been said in this conversation topic should have been said.

Petra,

Don't worry, I didn't understand the references to the prisoner either.

LoveDance,
Kevin

My hustle partner and I met in 1976, got married in 1980. But the truth is, I believe we enjoyed dancing so much that the romance of it all made me overlook too much.

We are now divorced.

hi again,
I told about the confusion between my dancepartner and me. We decided that we will be just friends, nothing more. And it's better this way. Dancing is better now and we both are happy.
dancelove,
petra

hello,
"What did you say"asked wether I'm male or female. The answer: I'm female.
I think you misunderstood something: you asked "i'd like to know what you said to your partner to get rid of him/her?"
Well, I did not get rid of him. He is still a (very good) friend of mine. But we're only friends now, nothing more. We talked about 'us' last friday and we decided it would be better this way. That's all.
Sorry, but I don't know what you mean with all that 'prisoner'thing. Maybe I don't get it because I'm a dutch girl? (Or that I'm just stupid )
Dancelove,
Petra

I am sure there is lots of details that have not been mentioned......... there is always 2 sides of the story....

Yes, your original post was clear about the situation. How just a dancer managed to misread it, I don't know. But I guess you should be glad that your husband was looking at and commenting about you and not someone else, right?

I think women know that they can have a strong effect on men, but as you said, underestimate it and don't realize that sometimes it doesn't take a whole lot to draw our attention. Tying your shoes is a good example and I've noticed it before, too. There's really not much you can do about it though, you have to tie up your shoes, and I think that's why you don't think anything of it. But as you found out, you could also be giving "quite an eyeful" when you do so. I don't stare or comment when I notice it because it wouldn't be very polite and you can't really do anything about it, but it has caught my eye before. So yeah, sometimes it doesn't take a lot to catch our attention, but even if you're aware of that you might not be able to do a whole lot about it in some cases. So I guess in those cases I'd suggest being glad that you draw looks rather than being mad/upset with us for looking.

--
James Marshall
marshall@astro.umd.edu
http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall

Somehow I don't think that's going to work... the originally poster was pretty clearly interested in the girl, and showing it - in fact doing to her exactly what he hoped she would do to him - only she wasn't interested.

I always wondered how guys handle it when women wear sexy costumes etc. I assume that you two are dancing Latin or Rhythm dancing.

I know that many of the professional male dancers have to deal with issues like this when they dance with their students. And from talking to a few of my pro friends, I know that it has not always been easy for them not to respond sexually when doing a provocative dance with a partner in a provocative costume.

I am assuming that you and your partner are both amateurs. If you were a Pro and the woman in question is a student, then I would encourage you not to date her, not to take it any further than dancing and to try everything you can to keep it professional. I wouldn't even let her in on the fact you were responding this way, I would just encourage you to find ways to deal with it.

If you are both single and amateurs, then you have other options. As a woman, I can tell you what I would want you to do if you were my amateur partner. (Mind you, this is only from my perspective, because all women are different and I tend to like a direct approach.) I would want you to talk to me about your feelings at a time when you could be doing it from your head rather than during the actual moment of emotional intensity. Something along the lines of, "You know I find you very attractive and sometimes it distracts me from our dancing. If you were interested in dating, I would love to pursue these feelings. But, if you are not, I wondered if we could talk about this a bit. Perhaps you could do a few things to help me, like perhaps saying something humorous, if you know that I need a little cooling down. (Or don't be surprised if bring up some humor in the middle of an intense moment in our practice) Or just remind me after a very intense dance 'This is only dancing, we can't take it off the dance floor'. And a special request, could you perhaps not bend down in front of me to do your shoes. The view is a bit too lovely for me."

I know that this may seem way too direct. But if you want to keep a dance partnership, sometimes you just have to talk about the feelings intellctually and this sometimes helps you diffuse them a bit. And also, there are things women can do to make it easier on a man. Sometimes a woman is just unaware of the things she is doing that are provocative off the dance floor. I know that I always bend over to buckle my shoes and am simply not thinking of the view that might present to someone standing close by. If I knew it was a problem for my partner, I would find ways to be a bit more conservative about it.

When I was dancing Latin with my last partner, sometimes things got a little hot because of the choreography, which was provocative. My partner was gay, and I am not. And I am married, so I have no intention of taking those feelings off the dance floor. So I talked to him about the fact that I was attracted to him at times and didn't want to act on it outside of dancing. And so, when we had those intense feelings and the dancing was really good, we enjoyed it. If it got too hot, one of us joked about it. After all, there was humor in the fact that we were sometimes attracted to each other and he was gay and I was married. There wasn't any place for the feelings to go except into the drama of the dance. So we became partners in trying to use those feelings to create better dancing. I remember one practice where I stopped us and said, "Whew. Let me recover for a moment. That was really HOT!" And I walked around the room for a few minutes and cooled off. Then we concentrated on the technicalities of the dancing, which is usually enough to kill the passion by itself, because it takes so much concentration.

Dancing and loving it,

Karen