My DH and I are in the process of figuring this out and are trying hard to be diplomatic Some things that are working for us are 1) knowing when to quit. For example, he now can see when I am too tired to think and just says "ok, that's enough." 2) making a choice about how to handle slip ups. This was discovered this weekend when I lost count in a new jive move with kicks in it. I stopped and he thought we'd pick it up if he just kept going. Well, I now have a big bruise and we both agreed that stopping is the best idea! 3) When I don't understand a lead, I ask. "Did I miss a lead?" And he will tell me or admit it was his mistake. 4) We practice at home and work things out away from a public dance floor. I think this is a big key because it gives us a chance to argue constuctively and try to work out the problems without feeling pressured by dancers around us. If it is a lead I don't understand, we do the move over a few times and I can help give him the idea of what throws me off. If I don't have the step he kicks me again - just kidding! We just do it again until we both have it. Or we line that up as a question for our teacher next time we have a class. And we try to be nice!

I guess it is like everything else - you have to communicate and you have to respect your partner.

tourist

Blaming the other is the best way not only to ruin the partnership, but to leave lots of scars on someone's soul too.

I had one partner that had less experience than me - I used to tell him what to do (better me than paying for more lessons for the things I already knew), but I was always calm and polite, I never critisized or accused him, just told him what to do. And he never complained or felt bad.

Then I had one partner far more experienced than I was - and he was very critical. He would never show me or explain to me what to do or how to do it, but would complain and critisize instead. He would roll his eyes, give sarcastic comments, he even let me drop on the floor one or two times.

I felt like a loser, lost my confidence, and even I talked to him and explained to him that it's hurting me - next time he'd do the same. fter practise he'd apologize.

Finally it felt so uncomfortable that we just broke up.

Our competition results were under all expectations - mainly because we fought all the time, concentrating on what was wrong, instead practising to become good.

First of all, if you are the teacher, you stop the fighting immediately. I would stress that this is a PARTNERSHIP and nobody is at fault. If either one of you make an error, it is not good to point fingers and one another. Together you have to figure out as a team why something is not working out.

Quite often I seen one partner blaming the other for "mistakes" or problems that are often caused by the blamer.

I'm not talking about somebody blanking out on what's the next step. I am talking about when a couple seems to make the same mistake over and over, yet one partner blames the other.

People have to stop blaming each other and instead focus on working on the problem together. If a man says that the woman cannot follow, then he has to figure out what to do so she can follow. If a woman cannot folllow a man's lead, she and the man have to figure out what will work so she can follow his lead.

There's also a bit of a myth about lead and follow. Both partners have to know their parts well. However, once they get together, the man has to be able to lead the woman and she has to look like she is following his lead, even though she may know the amalgamations inside and out. In other words, the woman has to know what a fallaway reverse slip pivot is before a man can lead her into that step. If she's never done it before or does not do that step often, then the man can't expect her to be able to follow his lead all that well, unless he is willing to strong arm her into the step. And that will definitely generate arguments.

In social dancing, a man cannot expect a woman to follow him perfectly, especially if she does not know the step or if they don't dance together on a regular basis.

I woulld also stress that if the couple keeps fighting and arguing and blaming, that is COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to a good dance partnership and that they will never, ever dance as one if they continue to battle. They need to be on the same wavelength and they need to think as a unit, a team, instead of two individuals who think they are right and the other is wrong.

I would also say if you two cannot restrain yourselves from fighting while you dance, GIVE UP DANCING and find another hobby that you two can do together without getting into arguments.

I've seen people quit dancing because they argue too much.

try "im haveing trouble feeling the lead" and "this feels off to me" and some times after youve tryed to fix it other ways you just have to tell him you think hes leading wrng and work it out. but always be nice about it. sometimes i find that my partner wasnt sure about his lead of it any way.

One can only speak of the country or city they live in. Having said that after many years of dancing I have come to the conclusion that women don't learn how to count. If they set sail solo doing their routines to music, they are more likely to get out of time and finish facing the wrong way. I believe this to be one of the biggest problems in a partnership in Ballroom Dancing.The lady must know as much about music as the man to be able to dance as a pair. The only way to get the correct technique within ones steps is to understand the timing and the alignment. After that one should learn when to take a longer step than your parner, and when to take a shorter step. This mainly happens in a turn . Who is on the inside, and who is on the outside and dance accordingly. There is a lot more than this, but too much to go into at this time.

"My fault" seems to always work well.

Hoofer 919. If I know the girl is doing something that isn't right. Turning on both heels in a Heel Turn for instance. I would say can you try it this way, and explain that it is a Heel Turn and not a Heels Turn. But always speak at the same level to her and not like the school master and pupil. For the major differences in your dancing don't argue its a complete waste of time, leave it to a professional.If you feel she is pulling away from you in a Foxtrot just whisper Stay on the supporting leg longer. Thats about all that can be said whilst you are on the floor.

When people are learning or developing skills, the word 'blame' should not be in the vocabulary. Remember also it's a partnership, not a contest between two people.
The key points are:
1)You're learning together and all suggestions are to improve the partnership
2) to talk to your partner ALWAYS as a friend and in a constructive way
3) act positively if your partner suggests something to you.

Blame is appropriate only if your partner is deliberately doing something wrongly.

Mentioned in this list is knees knocking. If this happens to you, your poise is sadly lacking. The mans right hand and arm should be at a right angle. Put your hands across your chest , elbows not quite as high as the shoulders, palms facing in to the chest. Simply open your arm to a right angle and keep it there. The lady should have her left armpit on the mans wrist. The conection with each other should be right side to right side. The lady must fill that space to her left and stay out there. The mans hand turns onto the ladies back. Iv'e heard it said that the man does not need a right hand, it shouldn't matter if he did not have one.
Having got that do a Natural Spin Turn and see if you are still in the same shape when you finish, if you are not find out why. One thing you wont be doing is knocking knees. The left arm is a different story

If we are having problems with something. We try to work it out when we practise. I understand dancing much better than my wife, so I do most of the talking, analyzing. I try to honestly break down the problem into one of 3 categories. 1. I am doing something wrong. 2. she is doing something wrong. 3. We just don't know the right way to do the manuever.

1 and 2 we resolve in our practise time. 3 we either find answers on dance videos or take it to our next lesson and ask the teacher what are WE doing wrong.

I think key is being honest, if first reaction is to always blame partner, you are going to have problems.