When I started dancing in december and till recently most ladies complained that my lead was too soft - that they had difficulty understanding what I wanted to do and if I wanted to do something.
Today one of my instructors pointed out to me that he observed that I am developing a tendecy to a too forcefull lead - actually doing the steps for the lady.
I know in the end I probably have to work it out myself, but does anyone have any advice on how to find the middle road?

Thanks

Stavros

No advise, but I can tell you what I like as a lady...

I cannot stand a "forceful lead". I call it the man dancing the step for me, or taking the step away from me, which will almost always take me off of my balance. But what I love is a man with a strong frame, and a certain amount of tension in his upper body so I can feel the lead. I also love a man that leads with his body and sides and not with his arms. I love when he gives me room to breath!

Guy's if you want to improve your leading get the highest level female coach you can find--world class, if possible. She will be able to disect your leads like no one else. Forget about taking from a Male and dancing with a Male Pro it is not the same. He will never be able to move or follow like a good lady. Plus, if you take a lesson with your partner the high level female Pro will be able to lead too or show you what it feels like.

A good male pro helps, but nothing like a very high level female pro.

Anonymous. I would agree with your comments absolutely. Except for in this case in dance position with my teacher I was supposed to, after a Three Step in the Foxtrot, to do a Feather Step. I without thinking went into a Natural Weave. He followed my lead perfectly. But then this guy is dancing today in Los Angeles and is more likely to get a place than not.

A lot of it is timing, technique and pactise. If you lead early or late, it takes a lot more force to get the lady to follow. It will also be a lot more awkward for the lady.

Technique is also critical. With proper technique, every dance has points were the ladies momentum is stopped/changed and she can be lead smoothly without much effort. Example the fall in Waltz, stops both dancers momentum and makes it easy to change the ladies direction. Without the rise and fall, it is much more difficult to lead Waltz smoothly.

In technique also lead correctly, if the frame is communicating what the body is doing, make sure the frame is not moving.

Key way to judge yourself, is if the lady is following, moving smoothly and not losing her balance. Focus on the lady and adjust your timing and the way you lead a move, so the lady can move smoothly.

Remember the lead is a communication to the lady, asking her to do something. It is not making her do something.

Also always lead smoothly and gently. Even in moves were the lead takes more energy, you still want to do it smoothly and gently.

Practise, for me it takes some practise to find the point at which to execute the lead and how much energy to exert.

Be aware of the ladies capabilities, do not lead things she can not do smoothly, even with a perfect lead.

Stavos. A good poise. Ladies armpit on the mans wrist. Left hand held midway between the partnership. Palm facing across the body. John Wood says men don't be stingy with the left hand an arm. By this I think he means that being in front of ourselves it must stay there,and is the first to go in a Natural movement, and not to let the body start to overtake. If you can imagine that you are wearing one of those dancing frames, sold in Canada, everything must turn equally. A friend of mine has designed and made one. Tonight is the great unveiling. It should stop the unessasary use of the hand and arms. One last thing .The contact of your bodies is right side to right side. If with your heads in the correct position you should not be able to see each other even out of the corner of the eye. Its a bit weird if it hasn't been done that way before. It's like dancing with a person who is not there. A ghost in a dress if the lady is light.

Leading is not really easy. But you seem to be zero-ing in on it, so take heart. Think about anticipating, and telegraphing your intentions to your partner ahead of time, rather than at the last possible moment. Think about how your shoulders and the movement of your body will let her know where you are going and what you want to do. Ask your partner to let you know when you lead well and when you lead poorly, and what makes your lead good or bad. Soon you will find that you will be doing a lot better. Perfect, tho, is hard to do.

Jerry

Thank you all for the replies.
Timing seems to be one of my main problems or an undecisivness which prevents me from comunicating early enough what I am doing.
I have noticed my forceful lead in Tango myself now, now that I think of it more. I think its the easiest dance to get carried away and confused by the sharp moves.

I have started some extra practice with another student and her non instructor point of view on what our dancing feels like and what it should feel like to her is fantastic. Especially since she points out not only when I lead her well but also when I don't and what she felt was missing.

Stavros. I have seen a demonstration in the studio of a professional couple performing Basics without holding. The lead by the man was simply CBM where it was needed. Imagine if you will step four of a Natural Spin Turn. With CBM the man is inviting the lady to step through. The same on step four of a Reverse Weave. The rest of us tried it, not to good. We needed our arms to lead..

Quickstep, at the moment we are working without the proper hold since I have that tendecy to pull my ladies right arm instead of turning my chest (5 and a half months I thought I'd still be allowed some mistakes - how wrong I was). So the hold we use is hands resting on eachothers elbows (rather similar to the exercises for posture - stand streight, arms extended...you know the drill better than I do). We are working on pivots that way. A lot easier than no hold at all but still a lot more difficult than proper hold, at least for a newbie like me.