I have been taking ballroom lessons for 4 years now and have recently competed. My teacher resigned and I was allocated a new teacher everything I do is incorrect I apparently do not have what it takes to compete and he went as far as suggesting I lied about how long I have been dancing and I should try social dancing as I am too timid. I was shocked and close to tears as I feel I am not being taken seriously and have spent a lot of money and time taking lessons. Additionally another student of his is bringing a friend along to the studio and has asked him to keep it a secret from me he has shown me text messages this student has sent him about me. I am so hurt and confused is this a be mean keep them keen approach he has adopted or do teachers turn students against each other to make people leave. Am I being irrational??

There's many place's to learn to dance. Most place's are very nice, so is most people. The one thing you have to ask, does dancing make me happy. If the answer is yes then keep on going. If you let other people run your life, Well. Do what is best for you. Am very shy myself, But I love Dancing so I go social dancing too, and from that I've learned and met a lot of new friends. If ask anyone that knows me if am shy they would say not at all. This because I do what I love and I refuse let anyone stop me from doing that, even myself. Hope to see you on the dance floor.

Why would you put up with that? Stopping paying that jerk. Complain to whoever assigned you that person in the first place. Get another teacher or move to another studio. That's what I did.

World's worst mistake! Never just take the teacher they assign you! (often the one who needs students the most!) Pay attention to other students who are learning the type of dance you like...pay attention to who is learning the fastest...talk to other students, and CHOOSE the teacher who is right for you! Do NOT fall into that trap. You don't need to be berated to learn. My stomach turns when I see students putting up with that!

Like the others said, get another teacher or another studio. This is totally unacceptable. We had quite a few teachers during 5 years at FADS, when we got a clunker, we asked for another teacher. We had one terrible teacher and one that used this negative approach. Both were quickly replaced by good teachers.

Teachers should focus on bulding up students, whether you are awesome or struggling to improve, teacher should take a positive approach.

"My teacher resigned and I was allocated a new teacher "

First things first - never let anyone ASSIGN you a teacher.

It's your money and you are contracting for personal services. That makes you the boss.

Now if you find someone who seems to have your best interests in mind, it's quite sensible to ask for advice, including recommendations on who to study with.

But don't fall for any of the nonsense about being a student "owned" by the studio. You are not property, you are the EMPLOYER.

That said, just because a teacher is saying things you don't want to hear doesn't mean that they are wrong about them. There's a balance between telling you what you need to hear and simply telling you what you want to hear, but it's a tricky one. And without knowing how much a given teacher has your interest in mind, vs. the their own, vs. the studios, vs is having a notably bad day/week/life, it's hard to say if whatever happened was appropriate or not.

It's arguable that the teacher is being blunt and honest in his assessment. Many times a student is not making progress or has been so coddled that they student has no idea how little he is progressing. BUT this is the fault of your previous teacher, and what he was teaching you and how, not the present one.

This new teacher is possibly using YOUR criteria for progress as the benchmark to compare to - if you say you are dancing silver and you are barely bronze, then you will be discounted and you need to be told the truth. Four years is not a long time on the floor, and if some of that time is due to poor study or practice or instruction, you might need to write off that time in the calculation of your dance experience, like when social dancers say they've been dancing for x years, but only took 5 weeks of lessons and do the famed 'basic step' with no technique, so they are equivalent to a 3 month beginner in competition track.

And, the truth sometimes hurts. Many times, a studio mistakes stroking for nurturing, and sometimes the student upfront shows a needy side for praise, that, if not modified as you get away from that need, becomes the dynamic that surrounds your lesson. Also, YOU may have been ready to compete, but you might not really be competitive at this time.

It is quite possible that it is 100% true - that everything you were doing was wrong (at least to his philosophy). Dance is an art, not a science, and differing perspectives will enhance your learning. I would try to get from this teacher (along with the studio owner, in a 3 way meeting) what he intends to do to get you to be a cometitive dancer.


However, your reaction is still personal and maybe the new teacher was not told (for instance) to 'always be encouraging'. If you need that form of validation during your lessons, you MUST let them know. Otherwise, you might have been tagged as 'thin skinned' or such - not in a bad way, since many people come in to a dance studio not so much to be better dancers but to meet people etc - and you might need to change the perception of the studio vis-a-vie you.

Finally, this is philosophical, but use these situations as ways to get stronger, not discouraged. Good luck, and keep dancing!! Remember, you dance for yourself, not for others....

"if you say you are dancing silver and you are barely bronze, then you will be discounted and you need to be told the truth."

Sruitinize a video of someone winning a championship event with care, and it's easy to document the OBVIOUS FACT THAT THEY ARE "BARELY BRONZE" in the details of their action!

Some battles just can't be won... all you can do is your best.

I'd agree that it's arguable that the new teacher is being honest in his assesment. It's just not at all uncommon for the newer teacher to undermine the previous one in order to promote himself. This whole situation sounded suspicious (not just the fact that he doubted your abilities). Remember that you are in control, and judge this guy on productivity (how his other students are progressing relative to other teachers in your area)...not on what he's telling you.

I feel the teacher is stamping is ground and dancing technique is personal. Your previous teacher probably showed technique they personally like the steps should be the same. Sometimes the truth does hurt and you need to step back and take in all the comments. As for the secrets and texts messages that is being petty and palaying people against each other. Your new teacher does not sound mature nor professional. My suggestion either stay with that studio or look for another studio. There are many studios. Social dancing will bring your confidence up again. The secrets and texts messages are personal that is why you took offence. A good teacher will give you constructive criticism and work on progressing, you obviously enjoy dancing so stick with it. You will get there.