I have an important personal question to ask.

Would you say that in your experience (not necessarily personal, of course, but based on what you've see happening around you) when one of the people in a serious long-term relationship starts dancing (social dances, showcases, though not necessarily competing), this frequently puts the relationship in danger?

I am not talking about the dancing person “looking” to be unfaithful or get out of a relationship, rather the whole situation (dancing, being inherently romantic and passionate and being performed with an attractive person of opposite sex).

Is this a common issue based on what you've seen throughout the years or something that is no more common to dancing than any other hobby?

Many thanks – any honest input will be greatly appreciated. As you can guess, this is a very personal and important matter for me.

TS

Although in the smooth dances there is body contact, it is not sensual unless the person thinks of it that way. Latin is different as the body is used to express the music and there is lots of eye contact. Personally I would not want my girlfriend dancing with other men unless I was present to let them know she is with me. No one can really answer this question as we know nothing about your partner. I do know women who compete with one partner who is not their husband because they love to dance. There is nothing sexual about it. Take some private dancing lessons by yourself and then suprise your partner.

Based on what you've said, all I can say is, sometimes it can. In my opinion, dancing doesn't endanger a good relationship, but it can expose the cracks in a shaky one.

There are lots of issues involved, and to be fair to the non-dancing spouse, when one person starts dancing it can make a lot of changes, especially if the couple isn't used to having any separate interests. The dancer suddenly spends time away, doing something that obviously makes them very happy, and doing it with members of the opposite sex. If the nondancer has any insecurities, this could make them more intense.

New dancers are often extremely enthusiastic, want to dance all the time, talk about dance all the time, etc. That can be a bore or worse to the nondancer.

Probably the biggest problems I've seen happen when a woman dances and her husband just can't understand that the physical contact and even acting sexy on the dance floor is not sexual.

Like everything else in a relationship, it takes understanding and cooperation on both sides to work out an issues dancing brings to the surface.

My wife and I have been taking dance lessons for about 6 years. At our dance studio there are a number of married students (primarily women) with a spouse that does not dance. To date we have not seen any of the marriages break up. However in some cases it does seem to create some tension related to the dancing spouse wanting to go out to socialize/dance outside the studio with other students and the non-dancing spouse reluctant to join in.

My guess is that if the relationship was strong to begin with this should not create a problem.

From what I have seen at our studio, I have not seen relationships suffer when one partner dances and the other doesn't. There is one man who comes every Friday night to the party and takes lessons with a woman who is not his spouse. We have met his wife and socially meet up once or twice a year with both of them. There are women who also dance without their spouses, socially and competitively. There are no mixed signals being given out by these people, everyone knows they are there to dance and dance only. Not all studios are as friendly and safe as ours however, there is a very respectful and professional attitude at all times. There is another studio in town where men seem to hit on single women more because unattached women go there to flirt and dance. It is very uncomfortable for a woman in a relationship to just go and dance.
I guess it comes down to personalities. Will the non-dancing partner understand the dancer's need to dance. Do they have something else to fill their time or will they sitting at home sulking? It comes down to trust on both sides ultimately.

It totally depends on the person. I worked in a studio and saw some relationships suffer when one danced and the other didn't. But, truth be known, the relationships that suffered or ended were already in the midst of serious problems before dancing entered the picture.
There were plenty of instances where a married woman or man would come in for lessons alone. Those relationships didn't suffer because the relationship was happy and healthy before dancing. And, their significant others were very supportive of the dancing and came to watch them perform.

My boyfriend is a pro teacher and competitor. He has a professional dance partner that he competes and does shows with. Our relationship is fine, and so is his partner's. I trust him and I understand that this is his passion and his career. He teaches me when he has time. It's a nice way for me to be involved with him and his passion. I never feel excluded. I go to events with him. But, I don't feel like I have to be at every event to "watch" him. I trust him.

When people know where to draw the line, there isn't an issue. When a relationship is built on a foundation of trust and honesty, it should be just fine when one person dances and the other doesn't.

I know at times it can be frustrating. Of course jealousy can enter the picture. It's only natural. Over time, it gets much easier to deal with.

Best of luck to you. Remember, (assuming you're the one dancing) never give up your hopes and dreams just because someone doesn't like it or agree with it. This is the only life you get. LIVE IT!!

UPDATE: I just saw your other post. You are not the one doing the dancing. Have you considered taking lessons? Is it something you care to do?

Thank you all ever so much for taking the time to respond!!!

Let me clarify my situation a bit. My wife loves to dance and is quickly getting very good at it. I, on the other hand, have never danced before and instead have every indication that I won't be nearly as good at it as she is even now (and she is improving rapidly), even after years of practice. Realistically, I will never be an adequate dance partner for my wife.

None of the concerns in question even occurred to me when my wife started dancing. However, recently I have been told (by people with years of experience in the field) that this is a common issue and I am crazy to ignore it if I love my wife. I definitely trust my wife, but don't want to put her in a situation that may be likely to set her up for something both of us will be regretting for the rest of our lives.

I love to see her dance and would certainly like to take at least some part in her new hobby (love spending time with her no matter what we are doing and dancing is quite a challenge for me which makes it interesting). Unfortunately (and this bothers me greatly) she actively discourages me from trying to dance. I know that this is both pragmatic and realistic, but that doesn't make it any easier on me. I am absolutely certain that I would give her my endless support and attention if the roles were reversed.

I have indeed considered taking lessons, but due to our family situation, this will subtract from the amount of dancing she will be able to do, so I am reluctant to do that and take away from what she enjoys so much.

Sorry that I posted a virtually identical post on another thread – wasn't sure which one was more active. Looks like this one is.

Many thanks for any further opinions/tips/experiences.

Well, with more information, this is my advice:

IGNORE the troublemakers trying to stir something up that isn't a problem between you and your wife. If they are non-dancers, they don't understand dancing for the sake of dancing and think of it as a social/sexual activity bound to cause problems. (If they are dancers, then they are just plain troublemakers--most dance scenes have one or two.)

The fact that your wife picks up dancing more quickly than you seem to does NOT mean that you can't become a good dancer. Men (leaders) have vastly more to learn than followers in the beginning; they have to learn all the patterns that women do, plus they have to learn to lead them, and to dance one pattern while thinking ahead to the next. So men generally learn much slower than women in the beginning. It often evens out as both progress. Following becomes a more subtle skill once past the beginner stage and it is hard to get *very* good at it.

I think it is a good idea for you to learn to dance. The more you understand dance and are comfortable in the dance scene, the less likely the problems your "friends" warned you about are likely to occur.

It does sound like you should talk to her about why she doesn't want you to dance. You don't have to be dance partners. You each can go on your own dance journey. I know couples who each have their own partner for competing. Other couples where one is an advanced dancer and the other less skilled take lessons separately but go to parties together and dance with lots of people. He (yes, the advanced dancer is the husband) dances a lot with the advanced ladies, she dances a lot with beginners, and sometimes they dance together. Seems to work fine for them. There are lots of ways to work out differences in skill, interest, time, etc.

Money is an eternal challenge for dancers. Especially if you are taking private lessons, the costs do add up. It does sound like she has a passion for dancing that you don't feel as strongly. If you didn't want to cut too much into her dance budget, perhaps you could take group classes. If you think of your dance journey as your own, there's no need to keep up with her pace of progress.

Good luck! I hope you can come to an understanding with your wife that allows you both to dance.

I am in much the same position as you and your wife. My husband is the take it or leave it social dancer. I am fanatical and take private lessons on my own as well as the group classes my husband and I take together. I compete, he isn't interested. I would suggest, as others have, that you take lessons. Your wife might be reluctant to have you dance because she feels it will be difficult to dance with you when she is so much further ahead. So let her dance with others when you go to a party and don't monopolize her. Perhaps she feels very strongly this is "her thing". I did in the beginning but I am very glad now that my husband took up dance. We have alot of fun together.

"Let me clarify my situation a bit. My wife loves to dance and is quickly getting very good at it. I, on the other hand, have never danced before and instead have every indication that I won't be nearly as good at it as she is even now (and she is improving rapidly), even after years of practice. Realistically, I will never be an adequate dance partner for my wife."

YOU HAVE NO INDICATION OF ANY SUCH THING!!!

You are simply falling for the stereotypical assumptions of our society, and letting tour wife's trivial initial "success" (with the teacher doing all the real work) look like more than the usual occurance it is.

Learning to really dance - with someone other than a teacher - takes work, and the man has to face that challenge earlier than the lady.

The only valid question is if you WANT to learn to dance. If you do, and put your mind to it, probably within a two to three years, possible even as soon as a few months, you will be substantially better than your wife, because you will have to face the task of learning real skills before she will even discover how little her early 'success' has even shown her of what must be learned. You can see all the challenges right now, while she is yet to discover that many of them even exist - the result is that if you really try, you will be learning the solutions to the problems as she is just starting to discover the list of things to worry about.

So it's up to you: you can work to be a dancer more than worthy of your wife. Or you can stay home and support her doing it. Or you can stay home and object to her doing it... its up to you and your spouse.