Hi !

I have a big problem. My wife and I would like to learn dancing. A month ago, we have started to learn dancing in a school (latin an standard dances).

Today my wife is totally discouraged.
She thinks that she will never be able to learn dancing.

I would like to have your opinion :
Is it required to have a gift for dance to learn dancing ?

Thank you for your answers ?
Patrick

This is not an abnormal reaction.

people often come into dance schools ,
with pre conceived ideas. To take on both Standard AND latin in one month , can be overwhelming .
may i suggest this..pick one divison, and get comfortable with the basic structure.... . terminolgy can be very confusing in the early stages .

You have not even scratched the surface and need to realise,like all other disciplines, time frames vary for each individual .

Being realistic, think more in terms of 3-6 months and then re evaluate your progress .

You will by then, be able to come to a much better conclusion .

Dancing does not come easily. It does not matter if you play sports, danced as a child or think you are a fast learner. Everyone learns at their own pace and if you do not let frustration take over, it will happen. Terence2 is right, give it at least 6 months, if not a year. We just started a new session in our studio for beginners. One man was getting very upset because he could not get the basic rumba step. He calmed down when I pointed out that he had only been dancing for twenty-five minutes!

One of our Dancing with the Stars judges, a former World Latin Finalist giving a bit of advice on the Rumba said. It takes 15 to 20 years to do this dance correctly. I think if you were in a position to ask any of the finalist in a major competition they would agree. You would get the same answer if you asked the couple who came 150th

Tell her to put on her big girl panties and quit whining, she didn't drive out of her mother's uterus in a Mercedes Guardian, so why would she think she's going to pick something like dancing up instantly? What makes her so fabulously perfect that she gets to circumvent all the sweaty torturous trials that the rest of us AND the pros had to go through, right? (That's sarcasm, I don't even KNOW you or your wife, by the way, and would never presume that she's actually THAT bad)

No, seriously, snark aside, we deal with this ALL The time. Nothing that requires physical activity and brain-to-body co-ordination is easy at first- or ever, sometimes. She just has to weigh whether or not she likes it versus how ha-aaard it is, and if it's worth it, keep it, if not, take up something like a well-maintained myspace page.

I blogged this once, but it wasn't anything other people here couldn't say more tactfully.

Remind her that you both have been dancing ONE DARNED MONTH. Did she quit Kindergarten, too? Secondly, your body has been physically ingrained into repetitive, almost involuntary motion- walking, sitting, turning, pausing, reclining, etc. WHEN during the day does she EVER use a closed telemark or a whisk-to-chasse? Does she even know what that IS yet? Her body's going to fight her brain and vice versa until she retrains them both how to be accommodating to changes in repetitive motion, unlearning habits, relearning them, and even learning some new ways to use the body. And furthermore, you might even BE "in shape" (we weren't- ohoHO we weren't...)... but are you in DANCE shape? Biiig difference.

It's frustrating because it's her own body and she thinks she should be in charge of it and know it front to back by now, so why the heck is this dancing business NOT agreeing with it.

It makes people even madder to hear the patronizing, placating, cajoling "Aww, there there- it'll be okay... just be patient..." but that siliconed bimbo tramp learned how to cha-cha in just two weeks on Dunce-ing with the Farce... why can't I?" Because you don't have Maksim towering over you in a unitard swallowing mediocre English orders six HOURS a day, EVERY DAY until you see the Magical End Result on TV- which, if you don't know what to look for (and they're banking on The Most Who Don't), then it's not THAT magical OR spectacular. It's a lot of glittery bullcrap.

For every three minutes of "a perfect dance to a perfect song", there's been several months to several YEARS behind it. Not only do you have to learn to follow- you have to dance your part, accommodate him dancing his part, make it look like you're dancing it together, AROUND other couples who may or may not have mastered this yet, to questionable music tempos on questionable flooring, in shoes that may or may not fit, your underwear might be riding up your butt, the lights might be at the wrong level so you're either blinded or blurred... geez. I could go on, but I don't think anybody wants me to.

It is okay!! Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate between fast and slow progress. It is a common behavior pattern but your wife needs to understand that its impossible to gauge your progress in dancng against another dancers. There are too many mitigating factors. Most people have a lot of trouble to begin with. Even those who start out well sometimes end up falling apart 6 months to a year in to the process, when the steps really start ramping up.

One of the really interesting things about dancing is that it might not be just the steps that are giving her trouble. For a lot of women its HARD to allow someone to be in the lead. It feels like an abdication of control. It isn't really, but it can feel like it, and if she's struggling with that then no amount of talent in the world is going to change her skill level...but she will get over it.

Dancing requires such a change from day-to-day. Tell her to be patient and to try and have some fun and not worry quite so mch about getting it all exactly right. That comes in time, and everyone is right, by time they mean years.

It all looks so easy, but it isn't and yet its worth the struggle. Fight on and reassure her, and find out what is really at the root of her fears...it might be more then you thought!

If you and your wife turn out to have absolutely no dancing ability whatsoever, you can still do the Hustle!
[rim shot]

Seriously, just keep going to the classes and your wife will be fine.

Time on the floor, baby.



jj

Don't shoot for the stars so quickly. Think in terms of fun and exercise, first. Next, think of trying to get really comfortable with at least one dance. Then move onto the next dance, while continuing to practice and add a little bit to the other one you know well.
The more experienced dancers on this site would agree that even they continue to be discouraged at times in trying to master something new or smooth out a step or dance that gives them trouble. But you just stick with it until you get it to your comfort level. No one has to be "great" unless they are going for a championship title. But everyone should have fun and know they are doing something that will keep them fit and strong.

First of congrads on starting to learn to dance. It is a lot of fun and something you can keep enjoying with your wife for many years to come.

Secondly, you say that you have been dancing for a month. You don't state how many classes, etc. you have taken. However, my guess is probably 1 group class a week or so as that is how most of us start out. Therefore, depending on whether your classes are 45 minutes or an hour (or somewhere in between), then you two have only danced a total of 3-4 hours! Keep in mind that it can easily take someone a couple of YEARS to move past the "bronze" or beginner level.

I would suggest that you remind your wife the point of dancing is just to enjoy moving together in harmony with the music. If you don't already, I would recommend going to the social dances on occasion to practice the moves you learned in class and have fun mixing and socializing with other people. Don't worry about how good you are or how many moves you know, etc. Just enjoy moving to music with a partner as that is what dancing is truly about.

Best of wishes to both you and your wife and I hope that you both continue to dance for many years to come.

Hi,

I am not very fluent in english but I would like to thank you all, terence2, Ladydance, Polished, DivaGinger, Belleofyourball, jofjonesboro, dheun, Timenroom, for your kindness and the time you have taken to answer me.
I really do appreciate your comments.

I tell my wife all your messages. She is reassured. She found again her self-confident.

Today we have had a new class (1hour). we have danced the romantic rumba. It was very nice and we have had a lot of pleasure to dance.

To be more precise, we started to dance social dances five years ago. But it is only from the last month that we started to dance bronze level steps.

Thanks again for your answers
Patrick