I have read too many threads on this site that contain two complaints from am ladies. It upsets me that I keep seeing these and I wonder ladies if you can figure out how Complaint B leads to Complaint A. (I am a girl who takes private and group classes)

Complaint A: There are no men who want to dance.

Complaint B: All the men in my group lessons are terrible. I am so much better than all of them and they are holding me back.

Who in the world are all of you talking to that have made you feel so collectively entitled and great? If you have ever typed these words smack yourself. You are being an arrogant snob.

I find dancing with the range of dancers a humbling experience. Some are great and some are terrible but most of the ones who aren't good are trying and learning just like you. How would you all feel about dancing if you thought that was being said about you?

Stop being so judgmental and learn from each man. The ones who are the worst need gentle affirmation and your assistance so they can get better. They aren't in the class because they have it all down, and oh by the way...neither are you. Don't take classes if you can't be nice. This is a civilized pursuit, act like ladies.

Belle

Well stated .

This applies to most men ( not all)
Men learn different to women. Women can lead & follow, men can't follow! Women can talk, sing & dance, men can only count & dance.
To talk & listen they have to stop.
Men have to listen to the music, lead the steps & do it as well.... women just have to follow. The best women dancers actually dance a fraction of a second after the men.
This works the best in a leading following situation although some dance schools teach routines. Wayne Cutler www.cutlersdance.com.au

you are so wrong.
it does take men longer to learn the dancing that is for sure
but at the end of the day, men know the dancing so much better than the women because they have to

followers simply follow for the most part
men coaches are 10x better than most women coaches

no offense to women but that is just the nature of how ballroom dancing works
and i have been in the dance world a long time

and i have seen this time and time again

Well, yes, they would, wouldn't they?

The tone of your post suggests that the followers have little to do. Following is not easy. It's a skill with very definite technical requirements.

You can put the best lead in the world with a poor follow and they'll be a poor couple. Put a weak lead with a strong follow and she'll make him a better dancer.

You need to remember that following requires a great deal of trust.

I will agree that male coaches are better than their female colleagues but only at teaching leads. Follows need some help from another woman.



jj

The gal who teaches locally here has no problem switching back and fourth between the male and female rolls in dancing. She is very good.

Like Belle, I too, take both group lessons and private lessons and I have seen my fair share of women complainer/whiners. Most of those types, are very insecure about their own dancing so they blame everyone else for their failings. We have one such woman in our class right now. She is so focused on herself that she does even realize how insulting she is to everyone including the pro teaching the class.

However to address the two complaints:
1.There is a serious lack of male dancers in our market. To lose a partner is devastating.

2. Some men, although they are not good dancers themselves can't stop themselves from teaching the woman all through the lesson. They haven't even learned their own steps and they right away criticize and demonstrate 'the right way' to their partner.
Honestly, it takes the patience of a saint not to kick them in the shins. And often because a bad partner is better than no partner, women put up with it. Since the men are never told to shut up and learn their own steps, they have an inflated opinion of their own skill.

I agree that Complaint B leads to Complaint A for some women and I'm sorry for the poor guys who try to dance with them.

The problems you cite, are the lack of control by the teacher .

I have to constantly remind my couples NOT to teach each other during my class ( or at home ! )

For what it's worth, I've seen just as many men as women claim that they are "fast learners" and whine about the dancing deficiencies of the opposite sex, and how the "bad" leader/follower is holding him/her back. And I've seen just as many women as men "teach" on the social floor.

From my perspective, it's a stage that dancers go through when they get past the point of being absolute newcomer beginners but before they get to the level that they realize that dancing is about more than just memorizing steps.

If the people you are commenting on are somewhere in beginner/pre-bronze syllabus to mid-bronze syllabus level - well, just be patient. Depending on the situation, well, a little comment (said with a BIG smile) something to the effect of "hmm, well, funny thing - but I heard "X/Y" complain about just the opposite when it comes to "Y/X" - isn't that interesting...". Or, if they get really, really annoying about it: "Hmm, well, I've heard you say that you're a quick learner, so surely you're good enough to cover the mistakes that your partner is making - aren't you?"
(Note: that tactic might not make you popular.)

Good luck.

I'd rather dance with men who don't think they're all that. If I screw up, then I don't feel as bad, as they do it, too. Of course, if they're "inferior" for lack of better phrasing and really think they're a lot better than they are, that's a bit of a rub, but really- it's just three minutes... I can smile for that long. Recently, though, I have to smugly admit to having been spoiled. I have my regular ncap (non-competing amateur partner) AND an ingenue as well. Life is good.