What would you do,
if you were the follower
and could not get any signal from the leader during the dance,
but were asked 'why don't you follow?'

Assuming that you are at the level of the leader (an advanced dancer gives much more subtle 'signals' than you are used to as a beginner, for instance), you COULD ask the leader to explain what he was trying to do. If you are below the level of the leader, this might not accomplish much, tho.

if you are equal or above the level of the leader, you should memorize his face and name and make sure you don't dance with the leader again until he/she learns manners and gets some clue as to his/her ability.

You are under no obligation to continue this person's fantasy of dance. Just say no!!

Are you social dancing or competing? If the person who asked you why you can't follow is your competitive partner, then it sounds like time to try a different coach because your current one either isn't teaching you well enough to follow him, or isn't teaching him well enough to actually lead you.

If you're hearing this from a social dancer, then don't take it too personally. I've been taught that social dancers should never criticize each other on the dance floor, and "why don't you follow" sounds like a criticism to me. If he were a truly social person he'd either back off and only lead things that you do follow, and he'd keep his mouth shut or perhaps say later "I'm sorry you had trouble following me, I was trying out some things that are new for me."

Obviously you always should be thinking about improving your own dance skills, but that's what your own lessons and clases and practice partners are for. Keep working on yourself and brush off unsolicited advice and commentary given at dance parties. You shouldn't have to hear this stuff at a social dance.

I would probably avoid dancing with that person in the future. There's no excuse for rude questions like that in a social setting, and are usually heard from leaders who aren't up to par (and would never dream of blaming themselves).

More advanced leaders might be used to giving subtle leads, but they should be able to adapt to beginners relatively easily as well.

You know, I just don't take insults well. I would have said "why don't you try leading?"

Ugh!

I totally understand your position... I had a partner (who was also my faince) who was a wonderful WONDERFUL dancer with a good lead, it was subtle, but he made sure you knew what you were supposed to do. Well, he died in an accident about a month ago and now I am dancing with a Newcomer (I am at the bronze level). He has stepped on my feet countless times and doesn't know how to lead AT ALL! Specifically, he won't move his body to give me the least idea of what he is doing so I think we are continuing basic and he will just go off into his own little world and do something else (normally ending with him crushing my feet). He asked me the same question and I told him that I wasn't feeling his lead at all and that I had no idea what he was trying to do. Later that night, he started to brag about how good he was doing and I had to bring him back down to earth... I hate to say this, but sometimes you just have to literally stop dancing and say, "What are you trying to do?!" They'll eventually get better... and if they don't, you're just going to have to find yourself another partner. Good Luck!

Get him a lady teacher who just won't move until he leads the action.

Exactly suomynona. I have a female instructor who will, for closed position, close her eyes and ask me to just lead her through anything I wish and for me to mix it up. She is just trying to sense my leads and give me feedback on how good or bad it is. This guy needs a teacher to help him with his lead and give him the honest truth.

You should tell him to learn to lead. If the women doesn't understand the signals, it's the man's fault. The man's role in ballroom dancing is to lead, which means to provide the correct signals at the appropriate times - duh!

Under no circumstance should a man ever blame the women. As a man, I have occasionally led something only to find the woman doing something else. Often I would ask for advice on how to make my lead clearer but I never once blamed them or ask stupid questions like, "why don't you follow." That's just plain rude.

Hi Dennis! I totally agree that the remark was extremely rude. And as a follower, I greatly appreciate the sentiment that anything that goes wrong is the man's fault! But, in reality, it's not always true--or fair. There are some women who just don't respond to leads, often because they don't know what to notice to interpret the lead or because they are beginners trying to do the steps they've been taught without an awareness of how the connection works. While it's true that the very best leads can lead at least some patterns with any follow who's not actively fighting him, it's a bit unfair to expect all leaders to be at that level. After all, if we've not "perfect" follows, how can we demand perfect leads?

But it's still gentlemeanly to take the blame, and I always appreciate it when my leads do!