There are probably all sorts of reasons, depending on the person and exact situation, but one is probably because they don't know you. Not everyone is comfortable around people they don't know and with dancing being a close contact activity, they may be less likely to ask you to dance if they don't already know you. Some of us are a bit shy and it can be hard to break out of that and go ask strangers to dance. But if you ask them now and then, soon enough they'll start to be more comfortable around you and they'll ask you to dance (hopefully).

--
James Marshall
marshall@astro.umd.edu
http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall

In my experience, I have gone out dancing with friends (male friends) and I have had some men ask me to dance but also ask if it is "ok" to even ask me. They actually wanted to be sure my friend didn't mind.

I have also been at dances where there are WAY more ladies then men. It not always easy to get a dance in that way unless there are "mixers".

The mixers are nice because 1) I get to dance for a little bit and 2) the men that may not have known me or my ability now have a better idea about me.

I actually saw someone with a cute pin that said "Ask me to dance and I will say YES!". As silly as that sounds, it might be the clue that some guys may need to get up the courage to ask someone they've never met before to join them out on the dance floor.

Old school is the lady NEVER asks the man for a dance, but I bet if there were more "lady's choices" dances, the ladies would get out there more and not be "wallflowers". Just a suggestion to those studios out there "listening"......

I think Kevin is on the right track. It's all about body language that makes yourself approachable. Some ladies put up defensive barriers (ie. crossed arms) that say "keep your distance." Smile and look like you are enjoying yourself even when sitting on the sidelines is proably one of the best ways to open yourself up. Swaying to the music either while sitting or standing is body language that says, "I want to dance." Again, this type of body language makes you more approachable.

Blair

Hmmm, I'll have to give some more thought to this regarding the ballroom scene, but, all other factors being equal, in a salsa club, I look at the shoes! Honestly! A woman can walk in the door and be decked out and look like she's ready to strut her stuff, but if I look down and see some big clunky platforms or what not, I know she's not serious about being there to dance. (This is obviously different then the women who come into a club and change into their dancing shoes once inside.)

I'll give some more thought to the ballroom issue…

http://www.geocities.com/_ynot_/Home.html ~ Studying the culture and community of ballroom and dancesport (and salsa)!

We're supposed to stand apart, near the dance floor and look approachable but what if I go with friends? I have friends who like to dance too, if we all come together, without partners, are we just supposed to stand alone all night in opposite corners of the room? How lonely! If there are three girls standing there without partners, they probably all want one, they just don't want to stand by themselves all night. To all the guys out there, please...ask us to dance even if we're not all alone. Chances are, the three or four girls together are still there in a group because they're too shy to ask anyone to dance themselves and would literally jump at the chance to dance with anyone willing to ask!

Rhiana, you have to realize it's imtiminating for a guy to approach a girl when she's standing with a bunch of her girl friends. It takes a lot of gutts to do that and it transcends all social environments. If you have to dance more often, I'd suggest you take a more active part in asking a guy to dance, afterall it's 2006. Once the guys see you on the dance floor a few things, they'll realize you're there to dance and won't be quite as intimindated to approach you. Other than that, I would suggest maybe getting up by yourself every once in a while to walk over to the bar to get a refreshment or to go the restroom. The idea is separate yourself from your 'click' every once in a while.

I do agree this is a frustrating topic I myself have dealt all too frequently with. These have been my conclusions as I have tried various tactics, trying to get asked to dance:

1. Yes, physical stance seems to be a biggie. Leaning back, legs and arms crossed, no eye contact - big block wall. Certainly, if a man is approaching, no matter how shy you are, don't look away - that's the best way to lose him.

2. Bouncing", swaying to the music sometimes seems to help - but not a sure-fire way.

3. What seems to help the best for me is the luck of having the guys see me dancing once or twice with different men. Now they know I could dance, they know I want to dance, and I am not attached.

Once I started getting asked, it seems easier to keep going. When I make the mistake of sitting out a few too many - sometimes it seems I have to start all over again.

Sigh, maybe we need to have a little sign around our neck: "Yes, I do want to dance and I will say yes if you ask me."

Would that help you, Men?

One of the most important things you can do is to dress appropriately for dancing. Dance shoes. Skirt that is free enough to move in, or slacks if that fits your preference and the setting. It hurts to do it, but if I see someone whose clothing is going to preclude comfortable dancing, I'm going to ignore her rather than bounce off a tight skirt on every waltz step. If she is wearing latin shoes, I probably will not ask her for a foxtrot.

Certainly you don't have to spend the entire evening staring longingly at the floor in solitude hoping to be asked. Though doing so on occasion just as the music is starting for a new dance may help you look interested - and interesting.

In this day and age you are also welcome to ask a guy to dance with you - it may not be comfortable, but in some situations that might be the key dance that will then get you attention from others.

I find I get asked more often when I:

--wear a skirt
--keep a smile and a pleasant look on my face
--keep my body language open and relaxed
--make eye contact with men who walk by (but stop short of seeming to "search" the room--a little too desperate)
--smile and look like I'm having a good time during every dance, so the guy knows to ask you again (unless of course, you don't want him to ask you again)
--say hi when I see anyone I've danced with in the past

It's a catch-22. If you are anxious about being asked to dance, you give off a vibe that makes you less likely to be asked. So don't spend all your time focusing on whether you'll be asked. Watch the dancers! You can learn a lot by watching good dancers.

Just work on your dancing and get better. Or pick a few that you a friendly with and ask them. Guys don't mind if a lady asks them to dance, especially if they can dance or has a desire to learn. The ladies that I know are pretty aggressive and will not sit around--but they do have dance skills.

One dance friend has a wife that is a very good dancer and she is hard to get a dance with. The husband takes most of her dances and who ever can get to her first gets to dance with her. She dances with all levels.