The seeming passive agressive behavior of your partner (we don't hear HER side of the story, so it's only hearsay) tells us that she does not value you as a partner. Perhaps you are not as 'good' as you think you are, and this is her silent message.

Many proammers have quite a vaunted view of 'their' dancing (after all, the pro in pro am's job is th make the am feel good - they are paid by the minute to do that - but the am partner expects much more from the ma. It can easily appear that the am is not as good since the am partner does not compensate for bad leads, etc.

I propose one thing - get rid of your pro am addiction and try to put all the time and money you enjoy spending on a pro am relationship into a real partnership, and then come back here and report what it feels like to be 100% responsible for your 50% of the partnership, what multiple practices and lessons as an am, do to your improving, and what it feels like to actually be responsible for your leads, frame, etc. You may find that your level of dance is actually a few levels lower than you have been told by your paid partner. And, you may see that your improvement and dance quality is YOUR responsibility and not your paid teacher's....

When your amateur partner can say the positive things you say about your teacher about YOU then YOU will be considered a good partner and a desired dancer. Until then your abilities are probably pretty mediocre and your amateur partner is right to resist spending time with you, especially since you are not willing to put the time and $$s into the amateur partnership (that means giving up the proam stuff and getting into partner dancing).
Your ego is in the results of the pro am and it is clouding you from seeing the real situation in your dancing.

That being said, pro am is in many ways cheaper than the red convertible or the hair transplants normally associated with the need for accpetance in the middleaged man. Maybe you are spending your discretionary income in the right place at this time. Hopefully, you will advance past pro am and into real dancing so you can use the skills that dancing teaches you.

One of biggest problems with me and my amateur partner is that she lives out of town 2 hours away. We are both single parents with kids. Plus, her job requires much overtime and she is stressed about visa problems. She was going to leave the country about 4 times since we have been dancing together for 6 years. And there has been on and off romantic involvement to make things even more complicated--this is what causes some of the passive-aggressive stuff. She dances some Pro/ Am too with Hustle, Salsa, and WCS. She has two pros that she dances occassionally with in comps.- the ballroom dances. So, as you can see we don't have a fully committed partnership with plenty of problems outside of dancing. When we were really working on competing and doing well at our level--silver and gold--we had to travel about 4 hours for a suitable coach and still do occasionally.

Ballroom dancing is not a solo event. You dance as a couple. One can dance better with some partners than others.
The guy should dance with or for the lady and concentrate on making her look good. We are just the guy in black being supportive for the lady. One of my goals for next year is to become a more supportive male dancer and concentrate more on helping making my partner look good.

We competed 2 weeks ago doing fewer dances and danced as well as we could have. We were well coached, rehearsed and relaxed. Our next comp. is in 3 months. We do all the dances Int. Std., Int. Latin., Rhythm, and Smooth--and we would do much better if we weren't spread so thin and just concentrated on maybe Int. Latin.

Pro/Am was not my 1st choice, but just a way to have an available partner, work on my dancing, and keep dancing during the period that my Am. partner didn't compete for 2 years. Pro/Am dancing for a guy amateur is very much a minority. Pro/Am dancing is mostly for ladies. Probably only 10% of the Pro/Am dancing is with an amateur guy and pro lady. Half the time we are on the floor with very little competition.
We have to go to very large national events to get other amateur male competitors. Not so with the female amateurs--it's very tough competition at the local level.

I use the same figures and loops with Pro/Am dancing as with amateur dancing and get my Pro Am teacher to help coach us. My amateur partner and I actually dance very well together, but for us to really good we need many more lessons, more practice time, and a good available coach, and fewer life problems. It is not easy dancing 1 1/2 minutes in competitions when you are not well rehearsed with specific figures that you plan to use.

Finding a compatable amateur partner with the same goals, finances, motivation, time, and etc--is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.
This is probably one of the main reasons that many dancers just quit-- out of frustration of finding a suitable dance partner.

I find that Pro/Am dancing is a way to help you improve your overall dancing and will even help improve your amateur dancing. My Pro lady will not out dance me and will not move unless I lead her correctly. We constantly work on posture and frame. Good posture is something one never quits working on and is hard to maintain.

My beef on the OP's attitude is that he talks as if his pro is his equal partner. I don't care how he decides to spend his money. It is his money. But calling his teacher a partner is insulting to other hard-working amateur partners. Sure, it requires a lot more work than doing pro/am, but that is exactly what makes it more meaningful. It is sometimes more difficult than maintaining a happy marriage. But if you go though all the challenges and learn from them, you will realize that you have become not only a better dancer but a better person.

I never implied that my Pro teacher partner was equal to me. She is twice better than me.

In my area of the country every amateur lady dances amateur and Pro/Am combined.
Ninety per cent of the men dance Pro/Am and amateur too. Not one couple that I can think of dances exclusively amateur.

I found that by dancing exclusively with just one person or partner that my ability to dance with anyone else drastically diminishes.

You should know you partner best so should know best what to get her.
(and yes I say partner people sue me )
Yes I'd agree with you: no flowers. The brush is a nice idea or at least in the right direction. If you know she likes a certain painter or something like that and you can find a not too expensive book about them, that is always good to - personal (you remember stuff you talk about) but not too personal (luckily I havent heard of people yet who thought giving books was overly romantic).
I'd refrain from anything like a dance dvd or so. If in the wrong state of mind when she recieves the gift it might look to her as if you were trying to point out some mistake

I'd offer to draw you a card but it would most likely not reach you in time over there in the US (where I assume you to be)


I can't believe you got so much aggression from people about this...