Hi Ellen - It's not about perfect leading or perfect following. It's about understanding your partner. I can't tell you how many times I have seen a woman fumbling with her partner but then dance beautifully with me. People just assume I'm a really talented dancer, which isn't the case. The secret is to pay attention to your partner and do not insist.
Whenever I dance with a lady for the first time, I have no idea what level her dancing is or how she is going to interpret lead signals. Maybe she is a beginner and only know two steps or maybe she's a professional competitor. Let's say we're dancing Waltz. I'll start with my best frame. If she comes in for close body contact and gives me an excellent frame and connection, I know she's more advanced. But if comes in for an open frame and limpy connection I know she not that advanced. That being the case, I'm not going to start with a brush twinkle! It's also about not forcing a pattern because maybe she just doesn't know how to interpret the signal or simply doesn't know the pattern. Let's say, I'm dancing Rumba am leading a parallel turn. Suppose she's a beginning and doesn't know what that is. She may interpret the signal as a normal underarm turn..... Just let her finish her underarm turn and then try something else.
Theoretically, the woman has absolutely no control of the dance. It's entirely up to the man to decide where to go and what to do next. So as the lead, it's really up to the man to adjust to the woman.
