Since the discussion has been brought back I'll just add my two cents worth.

I try to dance with every lady and I must say that I am not affected by body language and only rarely by the crowd around her (if she is constantly in the arms of her boyfriend and they are not dancing at all, then they are obviously not there for the same reasons I am).

What affects me most is the response to my asking. If I get the feeling that I get the dance only because the lady didn't want to offend me by turning me down, I'll try to enjoy the dance as much as possible, since at least she has good manners, but I will not ask her again.

If I have the feeling the lady didn't enjoy dancing with me I am not going to waste her time by asking her again.
I find it very annoying if a lady spends the dance looking at how the other couples dance - while of course dancing is no lifelong commitment, for the duration of the dance the current dance partner should be more interesting than other couples.

Then of course there is smiling. Dancers should smile, after all they should be enjoying themselves. But not all smiles are the same. And before I start on what I dislike, I myself have been told by a few female friends that my own smile sometimes becomes disconcerting - not predatory or wolfish as described in another thread, but a bit too focused at times or too aloof at others.
What I have noticed can stop me from dancing with a lady is a too eager smile on her part. I of course am flattered if a lady wants to dance with me again. But, and not wanting to sound conceited, I have danced with young women who's smile seemed to say "please like me" and that in turn makes me nervous - I dance to have fun and thats all dancing is to me.

Clothing/shoes were mentioned and I cant agree more. I made the mistake once of dancing with a girl who was wearing a very short skirt and stilleto heels. After that bolero I hardly ever danced with her again and then only after checking that at least the shoes allowed for dancing even if the skirt remained as restricting. Some women need to realise that overly sexy dress is not going to make them as attractive as joyfull dancing.
And when I ask a lady to dance a nice lively swing, I do not expect the reply to be "Ok but please not as fast as the music because I am feeling a bit under the weather, I cant really dance in these heels anyway and please no turns because I am scared my skirt is going to lift and then everyone will be able to see my panties." I have really been told that. After half a minute I led the lady back to her table and told her that we might better try again next week.

Having said that, I danced with a young lady on thursday who had the most captivating smile which made the EC Swing we shared one of the most enjoyable dances I have danced so far.
And you know? though I'd love to dance with her again, now I am too shy to ask.

I don't understand it. I can remember when I first started dancing (Nov. 2005) and I would sit and watch the dancing going on, while sitting firmly planted on a chair. The only dances I got the first three or four times I went to the Friday night dances at the studio were when the teachers asked me to dance.

It only took about a month to get over that. Time will cure just about any lack of confidence. Sure, there are still times when I find it hard to go up to a woman who may be new to the studio, but even this doesn't stop me most of the time.

I've even got to the point of doing some of the things I see the teachers doing; i.e. going and asking a woman to dance that hasn't been asked much at all during the evening.

When it comes right down to it, I'm not asking them to get married, for crying out loud. I'm asking them to dance and, if I'm not mistaken, that's what most of them came to the event for.

Now, is there a reason I may hesitate to dance with a woman who may be quite a good dancer and popular with all the other guys? Sure, if I know she has just come back into the building after a smoke break, I generally avoid them for the rest of the evening. Sorry, but smoker's breath is enough to knock me down.

I'm no expert but here's my take.

I'd say that one large factor could be a failure to ask guys to dance and realize ownership of the issue.

Another could be poor positioning in the room (far from dance floor), objects blocking path to position or objects between position and dance floor.

Grooming and dress code (and ordinary social indicators) can be a problem too.

I know I'm gonna draw fire for this one but feminine dress and behaviour can help. Men are masculine and women are feminine (opinioin alert). Not everyone will agree here I realize as everyone has different preferences for company but this angle might be more popular. I've danced with ladies (instructors) who lead (and learned the followers' part) and that's pretty fun and enlightening. I've even danced with other men (instructors) and find it constructive so don't take me as a sexual biggot.

As a guy, I will dance with anyone but I have preferences and given choice I'll excercise them much of the time. Here they are in no particular order.

1) Persistant attendance at dance activities (practice and development of circles of people).

2) Takes lessons.

3) Fitness and agility.

4) Lifestyle: No smoking, no excess drinking.

5) Contact information. Not so obvious but ladies who I exchange contact info are better because I can arrange to meet them and practice or take lessons. I also figure that reluctance to exchange information (after reasonable time dancing) is a sign of dysfunction or a negative outlook (general distrust or involvement in bad social circles).

6) Open. No evidence of clique behaviour or hoarding of partners.

7) Preparation. Shoes that work. Not too much scents.

Note that none of these things are to do with the level of the lady. I like dancing at my level about 1/2 the time or more but I split the rest of my time for above and below my level.

Darcy