I need to quit classes at my current studio.
I am having an increasingly bad relationship with my instructor. She has been treating me like dirt and when I tried to talk to her and ask her if I had done something to upset her ... noone has ever made me feel so worthless. She actually spend the last group lesson we had together with her back to me constantly.
Declining a dance at a studio party because we have already danced this dance that evening and I am an experienced dancer who doesnt need to dance with instructors, promising me the next dance but then spending the next ten dances alternating between three full bronze partners... ok I can see when I am unwanted.
Problem is we have a spotlight or showcase or whatever in 3 weeks and to be frank I'd prefer to not see her again. But we all know, private practice costs a lot of money and I dont want to go it to waste. I dont want to tell me parents and friends who have been looking forward to seeing me that sorry no, false alarm I wont be dancing after all.
And I dont know what to do, its one of the two best studios in town. I love working with my other instructors but...
I cant be in the same studio as someone who says that there is no point of me trying to dance a step if I cant do it right anyway. Thought that was why she was my instructor, to help me get it right *sigh*


Anyway just needed to vent.
Thanks.

Good for you Stavros. I personally wouldn't be able to switch instructors at the studio I attend, b/c well, the one I have now is the best at that studio (I think)...he's got the most training and plus he really takes the time to break down movements for me, not only so I can do them, but also so I can understand them as well. If he was as mean as your old instructor was to you, I'd definitely switch studios w/o hesitation. I hope you have fun at your new studio and that you find another instructor who will work best with you and that you'll bring out the best in each other. ~J

"I cant be in the same studio as someone who says that there is no point of me trying to dance a step if I cant do it right anyway. Thought that was why she was my instructor, to help me get it right *sigh*"

Perhaps she thinks that step is not an apporpriate choice at this point in time?

It could be some general issue, but somtimes apparently general issues are specific issues that have become so old as to feel hopeless. Do you have a history of arguing about the peformance of steps?

we have a history of arguing in general now. There is a joke that we are like an old married couple.

The problem is she teaches me steps then when I dont feel comfortbale enough to dance them she complains that I am not trying and that I wont learn if I dont try, once I try she tells me I shouldnt bother as I acnt do it anyway.

She tells me we shouldn't do any new steps because I need to concentrate on technique, 5 minutes later she gets bored of technique, once she sees I am not picking it up fast enough and says Lets forget about that and do the next steps.
And there I think wait a minute aren't those the steps you said I shouldn't even bother trying because someone with such a bad technique couldnt hope dancing them?

The best line was "What do I care what I told you to do five minutes ago, now I am telling you to dance the step this way and thats what counts. The only thing you need to be interested in is what I am saying at the moment."

And true Anonymous, maybe she thought I could handle a step which proved to be too difficult in the end - there are nice ways of saying that like "Hmm maybe its a bit too early for that step after all"

She made need to improve her skills at explaining exactly what she wants. A lot of teachers can tell that you aren't doing what they want, but can't tell you specifically what needs to change in incremental enough steps to make changing possible.

Why are you wasting your money? You and her have seem to forgotten that she offers a service and you are employing her, not the other way around. Something is wrong if she doesn't feel a need to respect the people who keep her employed. Dancing is supposed to be fun, isn't that why you started in the first place? You're the paying customer so you should have the control. I don't work with franchised studios so I don't know their policies (however corrupt) to know if you can get your money back, but I would go up to her and let her know that you're paying her rent so she'd better put personal things aside and make it a business affair and treat you as such. I'm a private instructor and treat all my students with the respect they deserve (and paying for :)

I agree. You should go find a partner who is more patient.

Some instructors have the idea that dance teachers have to be very fierce and critical to push their students to achieve. I'm not sure where that idea comes from--I think maybe it's a distant relative of the old ballet training tradition. When I was a kid, I had a ballet teacher who was trained in the old Russian system, and she used to hit us with a stick if we weren't turned out enough!

But I'm not excusing your instructor. Frankly, she sounds like a terrible teacher, from what you say. Even apart from the verbal abuse, it sounds like she isn't aware of basic principles of learning--like that people learn at different rates and that learning a new skill requires a lot of repeated practice. Has she been this way from the beginning or was there a point when her attitude toward you changed from good to bad?

Have you spoken to the owner of the studio about this? Whatever the reason, the two of you aren't getting along, you are unhappy with the way you are being treated, and it doesn't sound like you're learning much from her since she doesn't give you time to master what she's teaching you before she jumps to something else. I would think the owner would want to know this, and you are certainly within your rights to request another instructor.

But if you feel it would be too awkward to continue seeing her at the studio, then maybe you should switch to the other studio. After all, the overall reputation of the studio isn't as important as the quality of the instructor you get. If you change, you might try to have sample lessons from several teachers at the new studio, so that you can pick the one whose teaching style works best for you. Or just take groups for a while, so you can get to know the instructors before you pick one as a private instructor.

From your posts here, you sound like you are serious and thoughtful about learning to dance, so I'm sure there's an instructor who would find you a pleasure to teach.

Ellen,
my male instructor actually is Russian and I have returned from lessons with the odd bruise :) I don't mind the harsh lessons with him because he manages to be critical but still keep an overal friendly relationship (and he checks with students that they are up for the harsh ride).
And I have experience with harsh trainers in martial arts and professors at university. The very fierce and critical approach works well for me... if I see results and that it is the instructors way of teaching.

With my female instructor we had a perfect relationship at first. Up to the quick peck on the cheek as a greeting if she hadnt seen me for a longer period of time (read 3 days).
If I was around the studio she'd call on me so she could show newer students what the figures they were working on should look like. Help her out in group lessons when she didn't have enough men.

And at some point it went downhill.
I tried talking to her to find out what happened and if I did something to offend her, but the reply was "My behaviour is normal, I am as I always am with everyone. You are different but I have to accept that." *turn away, walk off keep back turned throughout the group lession that followed and actually walking away when my partner and I were to show the step* normal behaviour huh yeah right...

The studio is owned by a lady and her daughter. The daughter is same age as my instructor and I (and we just found out that she and I had pretty much parallel lives where we always nearly met since we were 11 and only by coincidence didnt. We even sat the same exams in the same room at one point) so I talked to her yesterday (for about an hour). She said a change of instructor would of course be necessary. She had noticed herself during the last practice party that something seemed wrong and had wanted to ask. And of course I am right and the behaviour is way off and she will talk to my instructor. She was genuinely fascinated because in the three years my instructor teaches there, there has never been any behaviour remotely like it and now suddenly with a guy who will apologise for being 1 minute late.
And at some point she just started laughing because the image she gets when she hears about our fighting/arguing etc is that of a married old couple.
Her first explanation was that she thinks my instructor is trying to make sure people realise that we aren't actually a couple off the dancefloor and in order to do that has, out of a certain amound of insecurity, projected a lot of hostility my way. (there are some lady students at the studio who believe we'd make a perfect couple - I am not going to put up a pic)
Well in the end she was really cheerful ("Oh when you said you had trouble I thought it would be much worse")
and finished with a big grin "I have to talk to her. I think I know whats going on. I really do think I know whats going on. Oh I do have to talk to her."

...well I told her that I'd try to finish working on our tango choreography but I'd quit the studio afterwards regardles of what comes out of her talk with my instructor. Even if it means loosing other instructors that I had a perfect relationship with.


I have started shopping around and have so far found quite a few studios that aren't up to standard.
The first one I visited a studio party and the male students would do something like the cross body lead to triple fan (step 17 on this site's smooth tango syllabus) but couldn't do a Tango close at all (they would stop, turn to face the lady and try and pick up the beat again). No couple could follow the LoD doing foxtrot basic steps (the one that did followed it in the wrong direction)... they seemed to teach flashy moves but nothing else at all.
The second studio has an instructor they poached from my old studio... thing is he never finished his training as an instructor. He is a great dancer but it doesnt really recomend the studio. Especially as they are now trying to poach the next student doing full bronze who I know isnt up for teaching yet.
So I have crossed 5 or 6 independend studios off my list and will have to look at the big chain studio...

I hope I find a place. Dancesports are still in a very early state in Greece so I am not really spoiled for choice.

P.S.
forgot: about learning speed... I did the introductory program a lot faster than most of the other students and learned steps very rapidly (it does help practicing at home before going to bed of course ) but now when it comes to technique and especially hip movement for latin dances I have come to a complete standstill. But technique takes time. Even the ballroom dances which is where my strength lies, body memory isnt going to come within a couple of months. I have been dancing for a mere 6 months now and though at 27 I am young compared to others I spend the last 10 years bend over drawings be it trying to get into uni, trying to get out of uni or sometimes even working (I'm an architect... finally).

maybe she likes you