I think that every reply to my question had been immensely helpful.........I printed all of them and took the to my instructor.......he read with an open mind and we are working from there. I am very fortunate to have an instructor with no big ego and an absolute willingness to make each student's dance experience a positive one. I will be implementing everyone's advice into my learning. Thank you all.

Hi LisaMarie,

Remember you have only been doing this for a short time, and it will get easier in time. I think it is good not to get too dependent on a choreographed routine. My instructor doesn't believe in teaching set routines, although in the beginning I begged him otherwise, so I had to learn to follow. I kept wanting to anticipate the steps. He always tells me that if I anticipate and make a choice without following his lead, nine times out of ten I will make the wrong choice and get myself into trouble. So I had to learn to be patient and follow. It takes waiting that extra split second to read his lead, and not being so quick to guess what he's going to do.

Maybe you could ask your instructor to slowly go over the step, giving you a "clue" to help you understand his lead. I'll ask my instructor "how do I know you are going to do such and such a step" and he'll tell me things like "I'll start with a cross body lead" or "I'll turn your hand" or "it starts with an underarm turn, or "I'll position you like so......" And then we'll do it slowly a few times, with him pointing out to me the signals he wants me to be aware of. This helped me become more aware of his clues and feel more comfortable. And he would spend time explaining why he was doing what he was doing. It was awkward at first and I felt very stupid, but I've never danced before and realized that if I was going have fun ballroom dancing I had to get over it. It comes much easier now, and I will dance with other men at the studio parties to practice how to follow.

By the way how did your first competition go? I hope you had a lot of fun!

Singndance........

All the messages in response to mine are insightful.......especially yours.......great, great advice...I think you described me to a tee in describing your early struggles with following. Especially learning to wait that extra second to see where he is going. I am going to print your response and show it to my teacher. He is great about teaching to my way of learning. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has felt stupid......I'm glad to know that I'm not. I love dancing and I'm determined to conquer my following issues. I'm impatient......and I try to be in control,(perhaps my years of being a paramedic and in charge of a scene!) so these are things I will really work on. I will also ask him, as you suggest to show me the body cues that preceed each step, so that I will be better able to "read" his lead.
Thank You for asking about the competition! I had so much fun....it was like nothing I could have imagined...and over too soon. I came in third place three times (foxtrot, waltz and tango)....but there were only five in my category. I was still happy with that. I got a video of my dances(hard to watch!) to learn what I need to work on. Overall, a great experience and one I will readily do again. Thank you again for advice that absolutely addressed my concern.

One more word of encouragement...I know how frustrating it is in the beginning when you are ambitious, but it's not necessarily the worst thing that you are struggling with your following! It will force you to improve your technique that much faster. Try NOT to anticipate, and don't be afraid to make mistakes...you will learn form them! I agree...the less choreographed the better!

thank you!

You will laugh six months from now when you look back at that video! You will be amazed at how much you will progress, even if you're doing the same steps - you'll look like a different dancer! How great that you placed in all the bronze smooth dances!!!

I was laughing with my instructor yesterday at my lesson about the control thing. He reminded me how it took me at least nine months to come to grips with the fact that he is in control, not me! And trust -- let's not even go there. When you've had a successful career where you've been running the show and everything has to be done the right way NOW, it's tough to step back and relinquish control. That was a very high hurdle for me too. Good luck with it. Once I developed some patience and gave up trying to be in charge, I progressed a lot faster (so he tells me)!

Remember - don't think so much, try to feel. And stay in the moment, not five steps ahead.