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Re: I am So upset
Posted by bocagirl
2/9/2019  12:43:00 PM
Katlyn - my heart aches for you. It was 30 years ago, when I told my handsome tall boyfriend, that he needed to take dance because he walked like a moose. So, he did for me, and we've been dancing for 30 years since - some times a lot, and sometimes years passed with hardly any dancing.

First, I'd let you know that this doesn't necessarily mean it is "the end" of dancing for him. I assume you took enough classes so that your husband knows a bit about basic handhold, dance frame, and transfering weight between feet. You probably focused on one dance more than another - most likely fox trot, swing, or perhaps even salsa, depending on your age and where you live.

My recommendation would be to lay off the lessons, and focus on seeing if you can make the dance he started come alive and be a bit of fun. He may have found that it was simply mental overload for him. With a basic step, an underarm turn, a change of direction step (like a cross body lead), and one more step, you can have a whole dance. Sure - you might get bored (which you keep to yourself), but it is the opportunity for it to become second nature to him, and you can tell him how nice he looks and how much you enjoyed it. Yes, flattery, is important in this stage. A man's ego gets bruised so easily, particularly (if like my husband way back then) he feels uncomfortable with relaxed hips, ball-changes, and anything else that looks funky/feminine/foreign (pick his word) to him. Some men also do not hear the dominant beat in music, so easily, so fun practice helps train his ear as much as his feet.

I found things worked best, when we took a few lessons, danced for a year, took a few more, or maybe even a couple of master classes and groups, and danced for a year..... etc. It was never done all at once. 30 years later, now, we kick butt! It actually became a form of exercise for us as much as a going-on thing because we moved to a condo association that has a dance floor we can use any time we want. A lot can happen over the course of a marriage.

And, I always learned the man's step just as much as my own. That way, if he forgot some crucial detail, it was easy for me to gently point out the troublesome transition without any drama. This helps if you develop the skill to memorize not only your footing but how the step appears as it moves across the line of dane.

I wouldn't weight the car-buying, or blend the two issues. You have to find our why your husband was turned off. It could be the teacher. It could be his own internal "head game". It could be you being too critical? It could be too much money spent in too short a time frame, as he says. So - try to use what you've already done, and build upon it. Keep us posted!
Re: I am So upset
Posted by Ladydance
2/16/2019  3:25:00 PM
Since you have paid in advance, I suspect there is something else going on with your husband than worrying about dance being a 'bottomless pit'. Ask him why he didn't want to continue and at least use up the package of lessons already paid for? He might be finding it difficult and he is somehow feeling threatened by your enthusiasm. Is it possible to continue on your own if he really doesn't want to continue? My husband likes to dance but has no interest in competing so i do that on my own with my instructor. My husband take an hour a week lesson together but I do 1 or 2 lessons with another instructor.
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