Greetings,

Am Martin, I've learned dancing for 1.5 year and I had to travel for work. I've met this girl in the class, I know her before but we became so close after 1 year from joigning the class. She continued to learn dancing.
Recently she moved to another class, totally new class, where I don't know anybody and know that all who dance there are good dancer, advanced class. While speeking on the phone recently she mentioned to me that she like having a partner and if she will have one what will be my opinion and reaction' even our love is so great, I couldnt accept the idea, always imagining her between his arms, practticing, dancing, trying not to miss a practice night or a party. I was on fire. Few who danced together and didnt share some feelings together, mentioned again that I'm away and see her twice per year for 30 days.
Is it jealousy? Sould I let her have a dance partner? cause she said we'll discuss it when she find one. Am afraid she get attached to him even the big love to me she's telling me about.
Did this happened to anyone before? any similar case.
Any information that you are able to provide me would be very helpful.

Thanks

Let her!?!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Your choice of words burns me. It could just be the words you chose, and I am hoping that you truly do not believe that you can control your girlfriend.

Sunshine, yes he is a man and have every right to ask if he should let his love have a dancepartner. In the same way as she herself can decide not to let him have one.

Control one's girlfriend? Of course he can! As she can try and control him. It's not about freedom. Personal freedom is important - but it's something that one has to weight against the future of their relation/family. She is a free person and she can leave if she does not want to be controled in this way. But it's only one step away from telling - how can you expect that she should not have a lover - you cannot control her!

Martin, I understand your feelings pretty well. I would not agree if my wife wanted to have a permanent dance partner. And she would never agree on me having one. We are lucky as we dance with each other. Yes - this is jelousy.

Most likely, her choosing a dance partner won't mean that she will leave you for him. But this does not mean that you have no reasons to be jelous. Neither does the fact that she did not discuss the idea with you - but just informed you about it. Is there no chance for you to dance together?

I can only dance with her when i come for vacations (2 vacations 15 days each) but few steps and lets say in emotional way.
She continued learning dance after I left, was ok for me maybe cause I know the class; but now she's having the idea of having a partner. She asked me about my opinion if she'll find one and maybe she'll not find. Told me when she'll find she'll tell me about and discuss it together, I've already told her what is my opinion especially that she's a very beatifull girl and almost every guy wish dancing with her not really to dance.

I can understand the jealousy, not being comfortable, etc. etc., but I find the words used extremely offensive and disrespectful.

We all choose how we live our lives. If Martin feels jealous, he opens it up to her for dialogue. Through discussion, they get a better understanding of each other and each other's feelings. They both propose solutions until they find one that works for both of them. Or they realize they cannot agree and he decides he cannot get over his jealousy and she realizes she will not sacrifice the chance to dance with another.

From a psychological standpoint we are talking about two respectful, interdependent human beings.

It IS possible to make decisions without one party controlling the other.

Maybe it is a cultural difference, but the sentiment is quite common these days.

- Sun

Sunshine, yes, this is quite probably a cultural difference. I am from the Mediterranian area - we tend to be more volitile and posessive.

Martin, I wish you the best of luck and the ability to live in the same area with your girlfriend. As it is - I do not see how not agreeing with her dancing with someone else will help you - she is constantly interacting with other people in any case - and you are far away. Perhaps better not to strain your relationship by not agreeing. Maybe she can find a married partner?

What do you mean exactly by your last sentences? we're deeply in love and so in harmony until the partner maatter took place.

Martin, sorry for the misunderstanding. I meant - perhaps she can find a married dancing partner...

I dont think she's from the type to have a married partner,I know her well, maybe she wont find one at all from her new class, could be all of them got partners.
Your mind goes anywhere it wants; can you sleep if you know she's now at a dance party with her partner who picked her up from her house by his car to go dancing, puting his arm on her back while she's wearing backless dress and he'll bring her back at dawn?
Maybe I'm exagerating much, but this is how I feel when someone can touch more I do.
She said that she'll feel the same if it was the opposit and we'll have a discussion about when the partner shows up.
But I really appreciate if someone faced the same condition whenever he/she was away or with her/him and tell me about.
Thanks people.

Martin. This is a difficult one to comment on.There are many partnerships in dancing that are just that. It really depends on how you look at it. If this were a stage company and your friend was an actor it probably would not worry you. Nor would it if it was a tennis mixed doubles partnership. But if I was also a tennis player my attitude might be different. Looks as if it is your decision on how you feel. Good luck.