I am seeking advice for a personal issue. The issue is regarding a strong romantic attachment that I have developed with my female instructor. I am currently a single male student beginning the Silver program. I was doing just fine over the past year of lessons until my first female instructor left our studio a few months ago. I was then paired with a newer female instructor that I met about a year ago, whom I always liked as a person, but had limited contact with until now. The limited contact was really kind of a blessing in disguise because I am a single male, she is a very nice single girl, and the studio has a very strict non-fraternization policy. She is a fairly new instructor (less than one year) and is very devoted to the studio and to becoming the best teacher that she can be, which I find wonderful about her. She has been my instructor now for about 3 months, and I have been fine and reasonably unattached to her. However, over the past month we have been practicing almost every day for an upcoming showcase routine. As many instructors tend to do for business, she does push the limits on how friendly and close she becomes with her students. It is fair to say that she is not experienced enough with working with her male students in a way that they can enjoy learning from her, while at the same time do not develop romantic attachment to her.
Well, I now find myself thinking of her all the time, from the moment I awake to the moment I finally fall asleep at night. I finally decided to do what I felt I needed to do, and I looked into her eyes after a lesson and asked her if she would like to go
to dinner with me. It didn't seem to suprise her, and she replied in a nice way that she wished she could, but she can't. I told her that I understood.
So now, going forward I expect that if she realizes what is happening here, she will begin to withdraw slightly from me and try to find a safer, more distant point from which to operate with me. At the same time, it might be best for me to seek another instructor, as I feel that it will be difficult for me to continue to work with her with these feelings that I now have.
I am a devoted amateur dancer beginning my second year of ballroom dancing. I am certainly far from being like a professional who can work closely with a nice female dance partner without possibly developing emotional feelings for her. Logically, I believe that it would be best if I discussed this attachment problem with her and perhaps the franchisee. Romantically, I want to try to live with my feelings, try to "play it cool" with her, continue with lessons with her, and hope for future opportunities to maybe someday sweep her off her feet. The romantic option sounds good, except that it will may very well end up collecting a large toll on my emotional well-being. Has anyone had a similar experience? I am open to suggestions and words of wisdom.

Overlyattached.
You definitely do have a problem here but it isnt insurmountable. First of all my opinion of those studios with a fraternization policy is that they are 'old school'. Second, if you choose to work within the system, demit from your current studio and 'enlist' with an independent studio that concentrates on teaching dance and not running peoples' lives..You then arent a part of the first school and therefore your lady friend is free to choose where and with whom she goes out with.
I understand that your argument might be that you arent being taught by the lady you desire however,the silver syllabus is pretty much universal so the independent studio can teach you the same thing and for less undoubtedly, and then you are free to dance socially with your lady friend when and wherever you choose and you both will know the nuances of the silver program. It's an option anyway. I am making several assumptions here however,where there's a will there's a way, is all I am suggesting. Owen

You sound like a very nice, thoughtful guy. I'm sure your instructor likes you as a person. But having students develop crushes on instructors is an occupational hazard. It happens ALL the time. Mostly, those crushes are transient. After all, they are not really based on very much. You only see each other an hour at a time, in a professional situation where you're both on your best behavior. It's her job to be nice to you; she is also being nice to other guys all day long. Some of them probably have crushes on her, too. So my first piece of advice is to recognize the crush for what it is, and get over it. I know that sounds harsh, but I think it is best for your emotional well-being in the long run.

The fact that you've developed a crush on her does suggest that you're missing female companionship in your life, so get out there and meet other women.

Also, nothing you've said suggests that she reciprocates your feelings. In fact, since you suggest she gets close to students as a "business" tactic, I'd think about whether she is in fact manipulating your feelings. If she is, then I would recommend another teacher and perhaps another studio, if it appears that is encouraged by the franchisee.

I do know what you're going through. I've been there and seen it a lot. I think if you withdraw a bit from her, distract yourself from thinking about her all the time, and make an effort to meet someone else, this will blow over and you'll be able to go on taking lessons from her without making a big issue of it.

By the way, a lot of independent studios also have non-fraternization policies. On balance, I think they're a good thing for everyone, just because of the likelihood of crushes developing in the intimate setting of dance lessons. Life would be intolerable for female instructors if they couldn't fall back on the policy as a nice way to decline dates and it could be very disruptive if students and teachers were dating, breaking up, hitting on and getting hit upon, getting jealous, and all the stuff that would happen without such a policy.

Good luck! You sound like a "catch" for someone--just not your dance instructor.

owendancer and Ellen,

I thank you both for taking the time and giving your thoughts in replying to my post. I wish this had not happened to me, and that I was smart enough to realize that I myself should have kept my distance from day one with her. I think that she is, by nature, a very friendly person who is used to establishing close relationships with her real friends, and she doesn't quite know yet how to properly establish and maintain "business friendships".

You both point out ideas and options that I think will help me understand my feelings and my situation, and I thank you sincerely.

-OverlyAttached