I'm a member of a dance studio and the salsa group as well, and we host many different social dancing events around town. There's one person who comes to all of our events for social dancing, who is a nice guy, but he leads the women extremely hard. I just hate dancing with the guy, but I'm not really allowed to say no to a dance invitation since I'm part of the company. So is there an easy way I can tell this guy to ease his lead? He really hurts the women! I'm not the only one who thinks so either, a lot of the women already tell him no... Any advice, especially from the guys will be greatly appreciated!

umm well yeah if your having trouble like leading you probly want to watch TaKe tHe LeAd with *antonio banderas* its a great movie but it also helped me learn the salsa even better && now like i am doing the salsa like the BeSt evvvvvvvvvvvvver!!

checck it ouut!

Honestly I think you could just tell him next time you dance with him. During the dance when he does something specific or afterwards a more generic comment. But the exact words I cant give you... a simple "If you pull this hard I loose my balance" didnt offend me but I personally would have been fine with "You know if you pull any harder you might rip the arm off and I still need it.". Or simply tell him you know it hurts when you do that so try to lead a bit more gentle.
If ladies are starting to avoid him I guess he'll be happy to figure out what he is doing wrong.

I'm supprise at the cluelessness of this guy when he's throwing you off balance or yanking your arms out of your sockets. I can usually tell when I'm doing that to somebody. But then again, he's probably been told by his instructor or probably learned from experiences that he needs to have a strong lead to get his partners to do what he wants. I really don't blame him though because there's really no clear answer as to how much is enough because of so many factors like who you're dancing with, her capability, how complicated the patterns, etc.

So, I think the good way to approach the problem is to get an instructor to dance with him and then talk with him about it privately and at the same time also offer him some dancing tips or show/teach him a new move. If you're not an instructor, you shouldn't do it for PR reasons.

Just some clarification -- teach him a new move/pattern that he may not know and incorporate in it a part where he was the most forceful with you (like maybe the lead for a double spin, whatever). Complement him. And then just slip in something like, "you know that lead for the spin, I don't really don't need to be lead that hard. With some girls it's different, but just a soft little signal/guide is good enough for me. Let's try it like that this time." This way you can demonstrate to him that it doesn't take all that much for him to lead you to do the moves.

I have a pretty strict personal rule not to give feedback on the dance floor. However, if someone is leading me in a way that could hurt me, I will give gentle feedback. I figure it is better that he hear the feedback than to decline to dance with him. how about "I don't know if you know this, but the strength you use is a little too much. Alot of us ladies are actually quite responsive to a more gentle lead and it actually makes it easier because we don't need to protect our shoulders."

Don't beat about the bush. Make direct comments like:

"Hey, why is your lead so hard."
"Tone it down. I get it."
"Okay, behave yourself tough guy."
"Hey man, you're hurting me."

Rha