Hello,

I've been dancing Standard competitively - and having problems with my partner's focus. First we are both Leo - i.e. self-loving,-worshipping, "me! me!" personalities. When we dance, I always felt he's too busy thinking about how he looks and doesn't pay much attention to his "presenting the lady" role. He seems to be lacking "man the frame, lady the picture" concept (or refusing to accept it). I feel neglected and upset - it's like there are two ladies in our partnership fighting for a spotlight. I know he's not doing this to upset me, but how can I get him to be interested in making us look good? Thank you.

I am considering breaking up with my partner. We have been competing together over two years. Our partenrship has not been smooth, but something that happend during our practice last weekend was the last straw and opened my eyes. I had some kind of epiphany. Before I elaborate my story, I would like to hear stories of other competitive dancers who had similar experiences. So what is your break-up story? What made you finally decide to end your partnership? It does not have to be your own story. It could be something you heard.

Let him know about it! Communication is the key.

Maybe he is self conscious about his looks or just wants to be self-assured that he's doing the best he can to make you feel good.

I think most men in general are self-conscious about their physical attributes even though most women don't think that is the case. But to begin with... in some ways... most men, in my opinion, believe looks does matter how a woman enjoys being around him. I'm sure almost all men dream of being good-looking and being able to flirt because they 'think' most women would just melt over his charm and dancing skills.

but that is only an assumption and not based on facts.

Thank you for your insight. I have mentioned to him more than a few times - but he just hasn't been able to change his way. In addition, he was told from different coachs that he's not taking care of me during moves. Tired of being treated like his handbag.

I know I am very selfconcious about my body. And yes I do worry about what I look like during a dance even if the lady is the one that grands the beauty to our performance. As good as I may be able to make her look, I myself do want to be the dashing young man dancing with the gorgeous lady and not the looser that gorgeous lady is wasted on ;)

To do my job, aid the lady in looking good, I feel the need to do my lead as perfect as I can. That means I must not worry about little details like my posture etc - therefor I will worry about that during practice where noone else is watching. But not necesserily out of narcissism, but because only once I am happy with myself do I feel I can give the lady everything she requires.

Basically I think I just repeated what anonymous said above ... but I too am a leo and therefor love the sound of my voice and the sight of my type (as you all should )

I walked into the studio once and there was a pro couple (two of the instructors) practicing their routines. I opened the door walked in, waved to them and I had just turned to check the schedule for the group lessons to see when I should come in that week, when I heard her shout at him:
"Can I have some eye contact!? Stop looking at yourself and start looking at me!"

Does he think the judges don't notice that he's not taking care of you and framing you properly? Of course they do! Perhaps if you appeal to his vanity and competitiveness, he'll change his ways.

Or is it ultimatium time? Are you ready to consider dissolving the partnership if he can't change?

Hi Ellen, We are a real-life couple as well (it's insane to do this together and keep peace). Our problems are pushing us hard - definitely started to hear "cracking" in our relatioinship. Don't want to throw away what we have accomplished but, at the same time, I don't know how far we can go together. We don't want to quit dancing, but finding someone else to dance with will only make it impossible for us to stay together. SIGH.

Does he have similar behavior off the dance floor?

I firmly believe that, 99% of the time, when a romantic couple fights about dancing, it's not really about dancing.

He is actually a wonderful person (off the floor) - but changes quickly once he sets his foot on the floor. Our private relationship is not perfect - but we seldom fight. He never insists on anything off the floor, but when it comes to dancing, we have open "ego-battles." I don't know why he is two-faced?

Lots of people let hidden sides of their personalities out on the dance floor! Often, that's great--the shy girl letting her sexy diva out during a latin dance, and so on. Maybe he's making up for the strain of being wonderful all the rest of the time ;)!

It sounds like you really need to talk this out with him and let him know how much it bothers you. If he agrees to try to change, be patient with him. It's hard to break dance habits, so maybe you two could agree that you could have a code word to say--something nice or funny--when he slips back into "me" dancing.