This is an update on my previous post about female dance instructors and male students.

I have discovered that the reason my female instructor cried the other day after I wanted to cancel my lessons was because she didn't want to lose a student she passionately shared her dancing for. She said it was heart breaking because there was a lot of things she wanted to show.

Now my question is this... how many of you female instructors out there ever felt that way with your male students? I find this incredibly odd and difficult to understand because first and foremost... she cried! Second of all... would you female instructors ever cry over a student?

The first thing that gets to me is ... if someone enjoys your company and wants to be around you... things become emotional... and you develop a special bond. But when you break that bond... things fall apart and you just have to learn to cope with it.

I have no idea if my female dance instructor had this crush on me... but could that be a reason? When you develop a crush on somebody... you start liking them 'fast'... and sometimes you even want them to be around.

What do you think? I'm completely lost.

I'm a female instructor and I find this behavior weird. I must admit that when one of my students told me he was quitting after lessons three times a week for nearly 2 years and I felt a little strange for a week without seeing him (not that there were any feelings whatsoever!) it had just become so routine that it was a little hard to change.
So I don't know if you've been dancing for a long time together, and if she really does have feelings for you then she should be big enough to say you can now start dancing/dating without the professional thing getting in the way.
Basically I would never cry over a studnet quitting---unless I had just bought an expensive car and wouldn't be able to make the payments anymore

It must be very frustrating to have been involved in all this drama and not know what the script is!

My guess is that it's neither personal nor dance related. If she truly meant what she said, she seems to me to be a bit unstable and/or overly emotionally involved with her job. But it also sounds like something she might say if she was trying to manipulate you into taking more lessons.

I'd say, chalk it up to "life is weird" and move on. Seems to me you're better off without her, both personally and as a dance teacher.

Well, I guess I've never had a really long-term dance partner or anything so don't know how qualified I am to respond, but I've had a few regular dance partners, and it's a great feeling finding someone that you click with dance-wise, so I definitely wouldn't wanna lose that. But at the same time, I don't think I'd cry over it. Sounds to me like she's either a little over-emotional like Ellen suggested, or yeah, a crush is a definite possibility. Depends how long you guys have been dancing together and all that I guess. And yes, sometimes when you have a 'crush' on someone, you just wanna be around them a lot, no matter whether anything's gonna come of it or not, so I guess that would be kinda understandable. But at the same time, if that really was it, and you were quitting and it meant that much to her, you'd think she'd tell you eventually now that you guys aren't professionally involved anymore. Well, either way, good luck with all that - makes you almost think that girls are complicated...lol

Thanks to all who have replied... dancer, ellen, and jennyyang80.

Actually you won't believe this but my female dance instructor and I have been dancing for 2 and a 1/2 weeks! Not a year or two... just a couple of days in a year!

I must say... yes... it was frustrating to be involved in all of this drama. I'm not sure if she is unstable or overly emotionally involved with her job or has a crush or whatever complicated issues that may arise... but for once I would like her to be a little bit more direct. Why do you think I'm writing here in the first place!? So complicated and gives me a headache... AAAAAHHHHHHHH !!!!

Let's say she was a little bit overly emotional... but even though a crush is a definite possibility... any signs I should look for?

She may be a grown up... coz I know for the fact that she is 29 and I am 27... but for once in my life... I just never thought she actually cry over something as complicated as this.

I appreciate your input... they were helpful. I would really like to get more into this... but just can't figure out why. Only thing I found interesting is that neither of you said you would cry after losing a male student. But why her?

And what is overly emotional? What is the definition of that? How is a female overly emotional? On what issues? Crush issues? Do any of you ever feel overly emotional over things that relate to crushes? materialistic things like cars or jewerlies?

Curious and Confused

On second thought... let's say she wanted to manipulate me into taking more dance lessons because she knew at that moment I was only going to come in that day to sign a contract to quit.

I tend to think it could be business related but even if it was... then she must be some good actress putting on a show by just crying! I could even give her an Oscar Nomination for that!

I still find this discussion interesting though. By the way... dancer... how much do you make hourly or yearly? I want to know if being a dance instructor makes you happy... but also financially stable?

If you've only danced with her for 2 1/2 weeks then I would have to say that her behaviour is mostly business related.
Teaching for me is little more than part time job---After years and years of lessons, competiting and shows I only do it because I enjoy sharing this wonderful pastime with others (and the extra money is nice too). I'd rather not say how much I make, but suffice it to say I make enough to stay home with my kids.
The bottom line is this, and I've said it before in someone else's thread---you shouldn't be manipulated by your teacher to continue taking lessons from her. Studios that force their teachers to recruit and recruit are ridiculous--half the time the teacher only knows a handful more steps than the student.
One question that you've never told us is why you started taking lessons from this person in the first place, and why you have decided to quit.
Have you asked for this woman's background? How long has she been dancing? How long has she been teaching? What form does she consider to be her specialty? Does she have a history of competitions? Where did she learn her ballroom from? These are all questions I would ask and if the answers aren't substantial numbers or descriptive enough I'd walk out of there and leave the teacher and her tears to someone else.
Yes, I'm sure its flattering to have someone cry over the very thought of you leaving, but let's be realistic---do you continue dancing to feed your ego or increase your ballroom knowledge?

I wanted to join because I wanted to see what ballroom dancing was all about. I didn't join because my instructor was beautiful. I was eager to learn something from it. I did ask some background questions about her and knew that she had some experiences in teaching. So I decided this might work plus it was pretty cheap in the beginning until later on... I knew what was happening. Prices kept jumping up.

At first I was manipulated by my teacher and knew she was trying to keep me because of business reasons on the day I wanted to quit and get my full refund. Not to mention that she kept convincing me to stay after 2 hours of non-stop discussion.

So I have to go with you I guess... coz you are pretty sharp and of course.. you're a dancing instructor. If her behavior was mostly business related... I must say that... she sure knows how to get an Oscar Nomination for best actress in her studio.

But I'm glad I quit and got my refund. The price was just too high for me to handle which was the reason I quitted. I also discovered that they were teaching me slowly and not as quick as I hoped for.

Are you saying as a female dance instructor... that male students shouldn't be flattered over a female dance instructor crying because he is leaving? I usually think crying is total blackmail! ARrrggghhh

Your responses have been helpful and I'll be sure to keep in mind everything you said. I know you make enough or more than enough to support yourself since this is what you love to do.

On second thought... I wish I didn't have to get myself into this and think that all of this for a dancing studio is business related. Whatever happened to respect? I guess the more you pay... the more respect you get.

I fell victim to being easily manipulated by her... especially after she cried. At first I thought... why is she doing that? Then I started feeling guilty about it like everything was my fault but I made a smart move and walked out of that damn door!

Let's look back at this reality and say that I learned a lesson.

Does your studio pressure instructors into manipulating their students?

California. Could be she was up tight over something else. Maybe you were the second or third who cancelled, or for some other reason. It is a bit unusual though.

Ok, you are a man and you know how women can be. She could have been in that period of time before the cycle (PMS) and you quitting just added to the pile of things she had on her break. But I have never seen a teacher use the crying technique. Maybe the begging technique but not the crying one. That is unique.
I have worked for a studio and yes, teachers are encouraged to sell lessons, its good business for the owner but also good business for the school and students as a whole. The bigger your studio is the better chancers you have to introduce others to each other and perhaps finding what alot of students are looking for. A friend, excercise, fun, laughter. Dance does all that for you.
If dance does it for you, you will find years of happiest and pleasure dancing, meeting friends and hopefully the ones that last.