I need some help here. I took up ballroon dancing last winter and started to really enjoy it. It is a hard world there... I have am going through a difficult time with my relationships on the dance floor. On top of this, I have been the center of heavy talk or gossip where I am now. I am not looking for trouble but evidently I am giving all the wrong perceptions. For instance; I had a crush on my instructor but not that anybody could really tell, except him? Having that crush felt really wrong then... and I wanted to resign from the program but of course, he kept me content and he referred me to another instructor but since then god not only it is unpleasant to have dance lessons but I have to face a tremendous heavy under current. I wanted to resign from my program but they have done everything they could to keep me on. Now, I have no other choice than staying in the program with every now and then the odd comment directed towards me... and visibly I am in no position to say something, because I do not want to fight in front of everyone...I don't want to fight period.... I love dancing! I need this in my life to keep me positive and spirited. What should I do, any comments to this? How could I smooth things up and still going there without any fear?

The only reason why the studio is doing everthing it can to keep you in the program is because they dont want to loose a customer. You should focus on your dancing and whats best for you. There are other studios you can go to and not deal with all the other pressures your are facing right now

Well first off let me say that you're not the only person to have a crush on their instructer. It happens to both men and women equally. Heres this beautifulman/woman thats teaching you to fly and bringing you into this wonderful new world and making you feel beautiful and strong and free. Medical science has a term for this reaction, its called NORMAL Also each dance is just a 4 minute relationship. you dont have to get married, feel jealous or even be attracted. Just dance.

I started dancing about a year ago and was absolutly terrified. I was a wall flower for my first three weeks. Then an older gentleman came up to me and told me "Boy, its just you and her on the dance floor. Don't worry 'bout what other people think! You just remember you're the only couple out there".

People will always talk. I'm too busy dancing to listen.

First of all, thanks for the reply. I totally agree with all of it, nevertheless if it was so easy to do all of it without feelings.Here I go...this is my problem: Sometimes, it is so challenging to dance with an instructor. Where I am right now, I feel so overly conscious about my every move or facial expression because of my former instructor who was constantly trying to second guess what I was feeling or thinking without even asking me directly... that now I have no trust. I know that he had a problem with his looks (I would like to show compassion here but did he even helped in this?) and on several occasion told me with a nasty tone of voice that he thought he was a source of distraction. He probably was, but it was beyond my control, I was feeling so guilty because of it.

You have no reason to feel bad and don't have to! Students having crushes happens all the time and is an occupational hazard of teaching dance. Good, experienced teachers know how to handle this tactfully and gracefully without making the student feel bad.

It doesn't sound like your instructor did that and the result is his fault, not yours (assuming you didn't behave in some totally outrageous way). It sounds like he was trying to manipulate you. There was another thread on this subject recently. You might want to read it for some more insight.

But if you are uncomfortable there, leave as soon as you can. Don't let them talk you into staying. Unless it's the only studio in town, you can find a place that's more comfortable.

It is amazing that I read this article today. The same thing is happening to me. The instructor seems to be acting as if we have a relationship and I can't tell after 5 years of it if it is just to keep him in money. They can get so good at this when they have done it all their lives. To a person in the outside world this kind of behavier if not for real could harm us emotionally not to mention harming our love of dance. They can schedule girls so we don't bump into each other so we are not able to find out if this is going on with all the students they try to capture. If he is for real I can see my future with him could be wonderful sharing my passion with a man who shares the same passion as dancing. We sometimes give up food, jobs, family just to afford dancing so if they are not for real it effects every aspect of our lives and all the loved ones around us. They should have more freestyle going on so we don't have to rely on partners so much. I think the field is designed to need the partner in order to get our money. I pray they will learn that tearing girls hearts out of dancers and their familys and friends is not worth the dollars they make on us. They may think we are the only ones seeing what they do but God sees all and all that implys.

I actually changed instructors because of this. I had developed quite a crush on my first teacher and he manipulated the situation by actually telling me he was "sweet on" me and calling me late at night, "just to talk." I eventually found out he was married and had seduced students in the past. A legitimate teacher will not prey on students in this way. If honest feelings exist, he or she will be the one to request a teacher/student exchange because it is, quite simply, unethical for a teacher to mix love and commerce. I am so much happier now with an instructor who is 100% professional and focuses on technique, while still being flirtatious and fun on the dance floor -- I didn't realize what I was missing!

Thanks for the reply. It is not going any better. I love dancing but the fact that I feel uncomfortable dancing with instructors makes them feel really anxious and hostile, always thinking why... This faked "closeness"... Either I am showing that I am liking it (facial expressions, I guess:)an then fear that I would be in trouble with the instructor or just the opposite... I love my space and all I love are big frames. Should I reconsider doing ballroom dancing?
I fear that I am not going to make it to finish this program with all the dances and steps required. Where is the comfort zone? Is it just a dream to think that there is a comfort zone?

I have to say there is a comfront zone in dance, but at the same time there isn't there will always be things that are uncomfrontable, but it just depends on the situation and whether it is good or bad. I myself have a fun and flirtous teacher, but this is not bad,and yes sometimes when we make body contact while dancing it is uncomfrontable, but this is normal, but if you are uncomfrontable because of what they are saying and sometimes doing, let them know or if it is getting serious find a better studio, but you best bet is to let the owner know,and if necessary ask for a new instructor, and make sure you pick the instructor not the owner because you are paying for the lessons not them! Also, instructors should understand that being uncomfrontable sometimes is part of leaning to dance and they should not push you to do something you feel uncomfrontable doing, just tell them how you feel, and let them know you want to maybe try it later.
Hope that helps.