I'm having a crisis! I have danced for a long time and have competed in several styles and have taken first place in most of my heats.

I've had various dance partners over the years, but I don't have one right now. I am actively searching for a partner right now. (I have an ad on this site, as well as other sites.)

The problem is, I go out to these social dances and I dance with everyone, I'm friendly and cordial and I do the waltz and foxtrot mixers. I am not having any fun dancing with anyone because most people don't know what I know.

I am not trying to be rude, I do appreciate that there are public dances I can go to and I appreciate that people will dance with me. It just seems that I end up dancing with a lot of beginners or a lot of old men.

My own husband isn't interested in taking any lessons. He knows basic stuff and he "makes up his own steps" to his own timing and I don't have a clue what he is trying to do. I have a tendency to get upset about this, but I don't want to show it.

I am very frustrated. I want to dance and I want to go out to the dances, but I just end up very frustrated and depressed. I don't want to say anything to anybody because I don't want to be known as an ingrate or a complainer. But I want to dance with someone who knows what they're doing. I want to fly around the room the way I know I can do.

I am not having much luck finding a partner to do comps with, or to just go out social dancing with. I live too far away from the hub of things I guess. I can't change that.

My qustion is, should I continue to go out dancing and feel frustrated and depressed, or should I just give up dancing altogether as if I had never danced and dance never existed?

Thanks.

Welcome to the world of B/Room !!

It is the most common complaint in all the genres I teach-- Partners ?--- You have one saving grace--- at least your husabnd dances-. I have numerous ladies, taking in different genres, whose husbands NEVER take lesson 1.

There is no simple solution .I think you should keep on doing what you do now.
It may never change-- and maybe it will.

I agree with terence. You should continue to dance. I feel the same way sometimes, but the times I can dance with a good dancer and the way it makes me feel, are worth dancing with the bad ones. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Often, just one good dance makes your whole evening. Failing even that, one positive is: when wondering what of a dozen steps the man is vaguely indicating to you, think of how much "listening" (a.k.a. following) practice you're getting!

Nevertheless, may you soon find partner(s) with whom you can as you say "fly" without ever wanting to land. ["...once you have found [him] never let him go..."]

It isn't just about how YOU feel or what dancing does for YOU, it's about connecting to another person on a very high, even spiritual level, through the music and using this connection to share together the moment that is created by dance.

I had the same teacher for years. I loved him. He was my best friend and a fabulous mentor. When he decided to go on with his life and persue other dreams he had, I thought I would die! Nobody, not even my boyfriend who has been dancing for 10 years + flies me around the floor like my former teacher did, not even my current instructor. Do I long for what my former teacher and I had, yes. But he taught me more than how to fly around the floor. He taught me that to be a better partner, you have to be a better person first and that means understanding that social dancing is not a competition. It is about connecting to each other and rising above the pettyness of the ordinary.

You were given a phenomenal gift in your dancing. Instead of thinking about why nobody can give you what you want, think about how you can give someone what you have. You'll be surprised at the experience and the joy you find through dance.

Awesome answer bolero2aerosmith!

If you live in the US, you have the option of pro-am dancing. You can take lessons from and compete with a professional dancer as your partner. It's a great way to always be able to dance at your very best (since your partner is always better than you!).

Because there are no dances were we live, we go to a lot of different places away from were we live to dance.
Some places we go, the men without partners are similiar to your description. Other places they are very good dancers. Maybe trying different locations to find were the good dancers are may help. if you tell us your location, someone may have some recommendations for you.

Thank you all for your input. I know this is probably going to rub some of you the wrong way, but it IS about me and what I want. I don't go out to a dance thinking "how can I make these people have fun with me." I go out to have a good time and hopefully dance with some good dancers. I am not interested in touching someone's soul.

I have danced pro/am many times in the past but due to finances, dancing pro/am is not an option for me at this time.

I do live quite a ways from the hub of things, but I do travel up to 2 hours to get to a dance almost every weekend. One night it took 3.5 hours to get to a dance because of traffic and an accident.

My last partnership was a pro/am partnership, but I moved out of state for it and I was so homesick I had to move back to my home state. I miss my teacher/partner very much.

Reading through the replies to my post and after much thought I have decided that I will attend some social dances, but I am probably going to limit it to once every month or so instead of three nights a week/weekend. I probably need to find another hobby.

I live very far away from the hub of things. I drive about 2 hours a few times a week to just take lessons.

I can't imagine being happy without b/room...I quit for 6 months and I was so depressed and anxious that I went back.

Let me give you a suggestion that works for me. I travel to workshops over the weekend. That way I don't get too lonely for home, I still get my dance and I am with other dance enthusiasts (I'm sure I spelled that wrong). You tend to work with good teachers, meet a lot of great people and you can keep your hobby without the frustration of lousy partners.

I can't tell you the tears I've shed over b/room, and I think it makes it something powerful...simply because it has the ability to evoke these feelings in me...and in others. Nothing else creates this spectrum of emotions for me, absolutely nothing.

Don't give up.