I really need some advice in what direction to go. My husband & I really want to learn Ballroom Dancing. The biggest obstacle in our path is that the instructors, where we live, tend to cater their services to children and/or young people. Obviously my husband & I are not young people anymore and since we have not been involved in Ballroom dancing before, our ability to do the steps needs additional attention because these are "strange" moves to our bodies. We have spent almost $1000 on lessons only to come away being totally discouraged and frustrated because the moves were shown only once to us and we were expected to "KNOW" it. I feel like a total clutz and my husband (who wasn't really that interested in the first place) is convinced he's not going to try again.

Please help. Where can we go from here or are we past the point of learning this "unreachable" goal?

where in the country do you live? What area?

Hi anon:

We live in Tampa, FL!

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Your message falls right in line on why I've found an interesting little niche where I go to the homes of couples interested in learning -- but unsure about their skill level and concerned about spending a lot of time and money in a studio and not getting any place. I've seen so many couples come and go from our studio for that very reason. So basically, I teach them basics and some advanced things; get them comfortable with what they are doing, then if they want to, send them off to the studio with a little more confidence. And they only spend a couple hundred bucks over several weeks. It's nothing more than gas money for me, but it keeps me on my feet an extra couple nights a week. If you could find a setup like that, you might learn more in a shorter period of time.
I totally understand your frustrations, but this takes some time and practice. The husband will click in with it when he gets a little more skilled at it. If he did any other sports in his life, he will see the relation and similarities in this. But look for a private instructor whose rates would be reasonable after you explain your circumstances. I have also seen studio instructors who are fine dancers, but aren't real good at teaching unfortunately. I have been lucky to have an excellent combination the past several years at my studio -- a good dancer, but even better instructor.

Have you talked to our instructor about your learning difficulties? Some instructors forget how hard it is to learn how to dance. Especially the young ones who have been dancing since they were kids. Some of the adults at our studio who can't grasp the basics in the time alloted, take a few private lessons. If you have spent $1000. and are not happy with the way things are going speak to the instructors, studio owner and if they won't accomodate you, try another studio. Don't give up, insist on being shown the basics again and again until you get them. Also, you can always review by looking at the basic steps on this web site.

Hey Ladydance:

You are right..... we did take instructions at a studio that is owned by a very high-profile dance champion couple and the instructors at they hire are very young and extremely athletic. I refused to go back after our 6th lesson when the instructor kept telling us how boring we were. I left there in tears and never went back.

I did, however, manage to "drag" my husband to a few ballroom dance clubs, where they give group lessons. Those experiences were even worse. What a disaster.

Now, I can't even get him to watch it on TV anymore.

Thanks for your words of encouragement.

"I refused to go back after our 6th lesson when the instructor kept telling us how boring we were."

I would too, but don't give up, there will be suitable classes/ teachers for you out there somewhere.

You possibly need to manage your husband's expectations. Dancing looks easy, but it is very difficult to make it look that easy. Consider this,

1) Dancing is often described as walking to music. You learned to walk when your learning potential was at its peak. You spent most of your time practising and it still took quite a while before you were good at it.

2) Learning to dance is like learning a foreign language. How much time and practice does that need even for holiday survival, let alone a meaningful conversation.

It can be fun. It can also be very frustrating, but it's worth it.

Thank you SocialDancer for your kind words of encouragement. You're right! We just need to keep at it and not give up.

I've got to figure out how to encourage my hubby back into it again. I'm worried he will absolutely refuse to participate. I know it could be fun, if only......... if only we could find the right place, the right teacher, the right everything.

Thank you for encouraging me.

Several thoughts:

The videos of basic steps that are available on this web site (Ballroomdancers.com) might well be helpful. Have you tried them? If so, were they helpful?

Where might you dance for fun? Look there for older and other friendly dancers with whon you might learn steps and go dancing as a group. In my area (metro Washington, D.C.), there's a large and lively dance community that learns dances (contras, waltzes, salsa, swing, etc.) through helping one another and inexpensive group lessons. With a few possible exceptions the dancing may not be highly refined, BUT the dancers are having what is most important when dancing: FUN. And, dances started this way, WITHOUT formal instruction. Going back to roots can be great.

Is there a square dance group in your area? That's a great way to have fun dancing AND build confidence in being able to both learn to and to dance. Callers are usually great at bringing a group along with success while concurrently providing fun in the dancing. This also can be a good way to make friends who dance who know or who are interested in expanding the range of their dance skills by helping one another AND by negotiating with power for insturction that is meaningful and effective for you all.

Hi jpbdance:

I did get some videos and books and floor steps (I think that's what they're called).... they are large paper footprints to lay on the floor and follow the steps as the DVD plays. Unfortunately, the instruction on the DVDs (which came from a different website...sorry) were taught so very quickly that it was impossible to understand and/or pick it up. This only tended to add to the frustration level.

I will try again and search for teaching materials on this site and hopefully it will be more appropriate to our learning ability.

Thank you for your suggestions.

I also want to check out the square dance groups in our area. I didn't think about square dance being an alternative.

Thanks for your comment.