So I'm a really shy and reserved person and one of the main reason I got into dance was to find another a way to express myself. I would love to be more playful and sensual and I believe that dance could be a great outlet for me to express that side of myself.

I just started partner dancing (a little over a year now, on and off) and as of now, my favorite dance is west coast swing. West coast swing is fairly playful, but I have a hard time really letting go and being that way. A part of it is perhaps that I haven't really gotten to that level yet in my lessons. (Haven't really learned how to style or work with body isolations much.)

How did you learn to let go and not be so self conscious? I feel like I do have the ability to really be quirky and play with the dance/music, but I'm so self conscious about myself, my body, my abilities that I can't ever really let myself do that.

Hmmm, a really great question. That still applies to lots of us - no matter how young/old experienced or not (-:. It seems to come in layers. Like a cake. At least for me. And I'm painfully shy. At some point when your not concerned about "who is watching me" much like "I just fell on my face on the sidewalk - who just saw that?!" Your subconscience self starts releasing to the music and you connect. It is the final layer, the frosting per se. It also helps (for me) to have a consistent partner/teacher that you also practice dance with. The getting to know each other as dancers can led to funny moments and discussion that will make you feel much more relaxed about how you "look" dancing. WC Swing is one of those styles that the partners can both show each other off and sink into the rhythm of the song. Give it time. You may have a whole new personality just waiting in the wings that will show up on the dance floor pretty soon!

Well, you must want to let go, otherwise you wouldn't even be dancing, period. Dancing is half exhibitionistic, half voyeuristic. Anybody who "dances for themselves" seldom dances around in private, if you haven't noticed.

In the same token, people pull that "no, no, I can't/beg me to, though/ no, no I can't" stuff and that's really irritating. You will spot these "make me come out of my shell by bending over backwards to entertain/cajole me" people soon enough- and that usually will set you straight- it did me, because I didn't realize THAT is what I could wind up looking/acting like. I still have some hangups, but they're dwindling.

Good luck- just keep on, either you'll get it or you'll keep "hunkering".

WATCH a lot of dancing LIVE, as in go to competitions, etc. Pick the ones you love (Ben and Shalene, Emmanuel and Joanna, etc. for me) and take what you love about them, think hard on it. I've found that dancers imitate subconsciously those they enjoy.

I'm awfully self conscious too but a few things helped me loosen up.

First, I recognized that I had two choices, just watch the fun the rest of my life or join it. I could let my social anxiety prevent me from being who I wish to be and living a life I want--or I could ditch the useless emotions that hindered me into a pile behind the bench and go dance.

Second, I took a belly dance class. Even got my own hip scarf with coins on it. And I practices at home, in front of the mirror a whole bunch. I don't think ANYTHING in dance is stranger looking than a chubby middle aged woman (me) doing belly dance. But I found that it helped me feel a LOT less self conscious when doing ballroom!

Third, I put on music at home and dance. I visualize my partner--my imaginary partner is always encouraging, never critical, and dances perfectly--So all I needed to work on were my movements. After every class I would try to have gained one insight on something to improve during the week, and my imaginary partner and I would work on that one thing while trying to keep right everything else. By practicing in my head being graceful and correct, it translated into improvements in my actual dancing in class, and the instructor commented on the improvements!!

Fourth, keep looking for a partner at your level or just above. Someone patient and forgiving of errors. I find a patient forgiving partner brings out my best dancing because I loosen up and relax and go with the music better. A critical partner, no matter how good he is as a dancer, is a disaster for me and I got to know who the critical ones were and avoid dancing with them when possible.

Fifth, when dancing with another beginner, look for something in their dancing that is good and TELL them about it. This helps set the mood in class and others begin to pick up on it and give positive feedback. I feel less self conscious when I do this because if I can find good things to say then I feel that others are at least thinking good things about me. It hardly matters if it is true or not, the point is this is a mental game that keeps the social anxieties out of the way so I can have fun.

Anyway, this is some of what I do to deal with the social anxieties I have.

I'm fairly shy as well and I can have a great deal of trouble letting go...so for me...

I find that once I feel totally confident in a movement I can ham it up. That means it takes a long time before I can ham something up sometimes.

The next piece for me is that my pro absolutely addresses every muscle in my body so it isn't me...but I can be sexy based on where and how and when I do what and pretty soon, it is me and the movements generalize.

The third help for me is actually being forced to perform. I don't compete but he uses me in local shows and I find in front of 500+ people I suddenly turn into a performer, because otherwise I really do look stupid.

Another piece is to dissassociate...dance each dance as if you were playing a role, in Tango you are a prostitute dancing with a cowboy, you aren't you. In the foxtrot, you are a black and white film star, dancing on air etc.

It feels good to finally let go (I still don't have it down all the time, I really work on looking 'fierce') and I agree that you should go to shows and see live performance because that is when you realize that the good dancers don't just have good technique....they express emotions.

I think you'll find that it comes naturally with experience. Don't try to force it, keep dancing. As your technique improves you will gain confidence. It's all part of the process.

Belelofyourball. When it comes to our best dancers. They are actors. even more so in Latin. In a lecture several years ago the lady said that even though she had won at Blackpool. which she later won again, was taking acting lessons. Her exact words were. I want to be able to stand still for half a dozen bars or Rumba and not feel like an idiot.
If you can find a copy of the film Dance With Me you will see Actor Vanessa Williams actually standing in one spot for i think it was twelve bars of music. You will see that with expressions on her face how the acting comes into play.