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my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Angelica
11/4/2009  8:11:00 AM
My husband and I have been married for 7 years, and I have been dancing for 4. I've always loved to dance but didn't know I had a passion for it until I took an actual class, and I've been addicted ever since! My husband took 1 class with me and didn't like it, so it's always been my thing ever since.

Even though my husband doesn't dance, he has no problem with me going out and dancing the night away alone; this has been great for us because I couldn't be with someone who didn't support my wishes.

My issue is that I wish I was with someone who could dance with me... I'd like to just get lost in a romantic bachata sometimes but can't... I feel like it would be inappropriate for me to do a "dirty dance" with someone because I'm married... Everyone knows I am, I don't hide it that I'm married, but I just feel that I'm missing out because my significant other can't be on the dance floor with me... Has anyone experienced this? Thanks!
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by belleofyourball
11/4/2009  9:55:00 AM
I've been with my sweetheart for 12 years. He doesn't dance. I talked him into a community college class because I couldn't get him into a real studio. It was....okay.

He didn't have a good time and his not so good time wore on me. I thanked him for trying and have left it alone since then.

The people at my studio know I'm involved and they know I'm off limits which sets a structure that allows me to be as romantic and naughty as I want. It doesn't mean anything and because we all know that we can all let go and have a blast. Know in your own heart you won't cheat on him and that truth should set you free. You love him, you don't love your partner but you can play pretend. It's actually healthier for your relationship. Research indicates a woman who is exposed to a flirtatious environment and has physical, stopping at intimate, contact with other men actually has stronger relationships with her life partner that are more sexually satisfying. (I'm actually a Psych. so I know what I'm talking about.)

Let yourself go within the structure you have set. Be happy your husband tried...

Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Cyd
11/4/2009  12:55:00 PM
belleofyourball. Those of you who have a husband or partner who is not interested in dancing. Then thats the way it is. Would you for instance go fishing several times a week, which might be your mates obsesion. On the local scene things might work out. But to be a competitor which could mean being away for weekends at a time. That is asking for trouble.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by pivotingfool
11/4/2009  1:42:00 PM
Sooner or later, you will leave your husband.

Try to get him to take Square Dance Lessons. Almost all men, (particulary engineers and math majors), seem to excell at Square Dancing. After a couple of years, you can get him into Round Dancing. (Coreographed Ballroom.)

Having a Caller, or a Cuer give you the Cues relieves the man from having to think too much.

You have to decide if your marrage is more important than your dancing. Your husband must decide if you are worth taking lessons for.

Square Dancing is the middle road.

Ballroom is just too personal. It is very easy to fall in love when you are dancing. Having to feel guilty whenever a guy makes you feel good is difficult.

As I said, your marrage is on shakey ground. Both of you should give that a lot of thought.

Re: my husband doesn't dance
Posted by Ladydance
11/4/2009  2:38:00 PM
No one can decide if they like or dislike dancing after one lesson. When I asked my husband to take lessons with me, I made him promise that he would stay with it for a year. After that if he decided it wasn't for him, he could quit but I would continue on my own. Six years later, we're still dancing together and he really enjoys it (much to his surprise!)
Personally, I would have been angry and disappointed if he had quit after one lesson.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by terence2
11/4/2009  11:09:00 PM
My salsa classes ( and sometimes b/room ) have been inundated with married ladies sans husband ( cant figure this one out ?.. clubs dont start till 10 pm ) they generally dont last beyond a 5 week course.. the Ballroom "solos", tend to last a little longer.

I have , over the yrs, seen some who strayed from the " path ".. its a tightrope..
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Sprachman
11/6/2009  7:13:00 AM
Don't force your husband to go dancing if he doesn't want to. I decided to celebrate my 50th birthday at the local bi-weekly Contra Dance. I figured that it was easy enough for my non-dance friends. I explained to them what Contra Dancing was. The wives seemed interested. Two of the husbands called and said they were coming to support me, but they won't dance because it was not their "cup of tea". I suggested that they at least try the 15 minute class and they said no. They did come with their wives. They sat with their arms folded. One of the wives danced and loved it (and has come back without the husband). One of the husbands asked when the cake was being served. I told them and they went out to the car to listen to the baseball game. They came in at the break. We celebrated my birthday and then the 4 left. The rest of us went back to dancing and we all had a great time.

Let me give you a second story about husbands who don't dance. One of the women in our ballroom/swing dance circle would go out dancing several time a week. Her husband did not dance. It got to a point where it began to affect their marriage. The wife said, either we take lessons together or we get divorced. So he took lessons and loved dancing so much that now they teach ballroom dancing to beginers.

One of Long Island's dance instructors once commented on a local radio show that men do not like to dance until they realize they can. Then they love it.

Angelica, be happy that he supports your interest in dance and hopefully it will not affect your marriage.
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by Angelica
11/6/2009  7:41:00 AM
Thanks everyone! Turns out that there was a happy ending in this... I opened up to my husband and explained how dancing has become such a big part of my life that it didn't feel right for him not to be in it... I told him I didn't want to force him into doing something he didn't like, and when he felt that he might lose me over this, he immediately confessed that he is scared to dance because he doesn't want to be ridiculed! And that he is actually jealous of guys out there who can do it! So we agreed to take on a dance we both don't know, probably swing, and we will start taking lessons together...

I'm still in shock at the outcome, but I'm so excited! We agreed I'll still go to the salsa socials alone (well, I go with friends), since he won't be learning salsa for a little while...

Re: my husband doesn
Posted by dheun
11/6/2009  9:29:00 AM
Just tell your husband that dancing is like any other sport. It takes good balance, good core strength and some hip movement that is more natural than one would think. I often tell men that I am teaching that it has traits similar to boxing (footwork and balance), it has movements similar to golf (hip movement and weight shift), it has movement similar to basketball (arm extension, being on balls of your feet) and it calls for core strength and stamina one would expect in football or soccer.
So it has it all, which is why I like it so much. And once you get interested, and you enjoy challenges, there are more steps, moves and variations in a single dance like the Fox Trot than there are in one entire sport. So imagine getting well-versed and comfortable in about six to 10 dances! You're going to have a blast, and it's quite possible your husband will get more addicted than you!
Re: my husband doesn
Posted by pivotingfool
11/6/2009  10:37:00 AM
Most of the male dancers I know only started dancing to make their wives happy. (They all now love dancing even more than their wives do.)

When a man takes dance lessons just to make his wife happy, the women seldom have a clue as to how much he must love her.

Learning to dance is a huge challange to the male ego. A man likes to feel at least average in any endeavor.

When taking lessons for the first time, men do not realize that the folks who seem to be, "Natural Dancers", are usually the ones who have taken the same lessons before. (Sometimes several times before.)

Just remember that when your husband actually learns to dance,---lots of younger women will want to take him away from you. You will be jealous when he dances with the young pretty women. (Especially when they talk about how wonderful he is.)

When this happens, try to remember how he must have felt when you kept going to your Salsa Dances, even after he started taking Dance Lessons for you.

Compromise is possible. If he is willing to try to learn to dance for you, you should be willing to make him your number one dance partner.

I am sorry, but you seem a bit selfish to me. The guy is willing to go out there and look like a darn fool for you. This is a huge step. It is really difficult for a man to make a fool out of himself in front of his wife and a bunch of strangers. (And we all look like fools at first.)

What are you willing to do for him?

My guess is that after the divorce you husband will take dance lessons and become a really good dancer. I bet some yuong women will scoop him up when he does.

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