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Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/10/2012  5:28:00 AM
I dance Pro Am and am finding myself developing feelings for my male dance teacher. We spend a lot of time together and dance is by nature intimate and it's hard not to feel something. Has anyone experienced the same issue? Thank you
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ballroomchick
4/12/2012  12:45:00 PM
If one is not careful one can easily get sucked in by the allusion. Working often to get ready for competition you need to keep in mind what is the romantic allusion of the dance, what is shtick from the instructor to keep his student in the moment of the number, and what he does to keep the girls interested in coming back for more lessons. They all do it to some degree. I paid for it when I went to Arthur Murrys when I lost all confidence in my dancing ability years ago. They all dripped the gewy "how happy I was there" yada yada yada - every time I walked through the door. I was always amazed at how so many of the students drank this shtick down as real. Use the good feeling it gives you for your performance, but don't swallow the punch.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ladydance
4/12/2012  5:10:00 PM
How much do you really know about him? Does he have a wife, girlfriend or boyfriend? I have seen some student/teacher relationships work and some where the pro has recoiled in horror and the student has left feeling stupid and miserable. One woman in our studio misunderstood the pro's friendliness to mean more than it did and she asked him out. He was completely shocked, said no, and she left crying. He felt terrible. Are you willing to risk a good dance relationship? You might have to change studios if things don't go well.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by belleofyourball
4/13/2012  2:59:00 PM
I don't want to sound jaded because some dance relationships work out. I know it is possible that he has feelings. I have to say really listen to the other two ladies. The chains are famous for making people think there is a budding relationship....that is how they make money. Many independent pros started there and it is just part of what they know and how they behave. It is intimate too and it is easy to get confused.

So the little test you can run is simple without risking your own feelings or any embarrassment. A guy who truly has feelings for you will be worried more about what you need and making you happy then making a ton of cash off of you. So when he tries to sell you the next package pay attention to who he is really looking after, you or his pocketbook (studio's best interest). If he blatantly takes you for as much cash as he can he doesn't care about you. Remember also objectivity because you may not want to admit the truth because you do have feelings. If you find yourself making excuses for why what he is doing is okay then you have a problem. Even if he does have feelings for you would you want to be someone who is willing to do whatever it takes and say whatever it takes to get to your wallet? I know that's not who I want to date.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/14/2012  3:20:00 PM
Thank you ladies..this is an independent studio, not a chain. My dance teacher owns it and is pretty busy and successful. He has students at all different levels. He has two other teachers that use the studio and pay for the rental fee. He seems genuine as far as wanting the best for the student and does not try to sell me packages or any long term commitments. I pay as I go and depending on my schedule, I try to make it twice a week. I have been with him for 9 months and we have danced one comp together. It was a good experiene because he cared about what I learned from competition and use it as a learning experience not something to benefit from financially. We do flirt and I think he does have feelings for me. I know I need to be careful not to allow my feelings to get too deeply involved, but I just enjoy being with him and the fun that we have. We laugh and joke around. He does not flatter me or compliment me,actually he is the type of guy who doesn't really give personal compliments, therefore harder to figure out what he is feeling. But the flirting is unmistakable. I am pretty sure he likes me. He may not make the first move, because it is tricky, with me being his student.I am stuck...I don't want to switch studios because I like his teaching, and I am having fun also. Besides, I do have feelings for him...
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by belleofyourball
4/14/2012  7:56:00 PM
Please remember that all instructors flirt. I haven't met a single one that doesn't. I have had straight instructors and gay instructors flirt with me. My current instructor is married and his wife dances at the same studio and he flirts with me in front of her in an outrageous fashion....she flirts with her students too. Flirting means nothing in ballroom...if that's all you have tread very carefully. It can be really hard to figure this stuff out because so many of those dances have sexual tension as part of the basic requirements of dancing them appropriately. I can't help but feel you are going to get hurt. This isn't a judgment on how pretty you are or what you look like or how old you are. I don't know any of that stuff....I know how your question sounds. If you really were positive would you be on here asking a bunch of strangers?
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/14/2012  8:42:00 PM
I just wanted to know what others experiences have been. I would argue that not all instructors flirt. I have danced with 2 others, and they did not flirt with me.What gets me is that if this were happening anywhere else in my life, but dance, I wouldn't be so unsure. Does this mean that because he's my dance teacher, he is off-limits? Should I ignore my feelings and what I think is mutual attraction? What is the etiquette here? In other areas of life, it is not so confusing. You like someone, and you give it a shot at dating. In dance, it's not the case...I just don't want to lose something by not taking a chance. Yet, I am afraid to. I also feel I should not. How confusing is this, and also sad. Everyday I feel like my feelings are growing. I tried hard to fight the attraction, but it didn't work.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ladydance
4/15/2012  5:40:00 AM
He is not off limits just because he is your dance instructor. If you want to broach the subject with him, then go ahead. I have seen several relationships work out. Two were female teachers with male pros and one was a male student with his female pro. Be warned, you may see less of him than you do now. Since he owns his studio and is busy and successful, he will be working evenings and weekends.
You might be one of his favourite students, easy and pleasant to teach, so he laughs and jokes around with you and enjoys the lesson. That doesn't mean he wants the relationship to go anywhere. Why don't you try booking the last hour of the day and then suggest you go for coffee or a drink afterward. If he seems keen, then you might be on to something.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by belleofyourball
4/15/2012  11:17:00 AM
Then go for it. If you feel this will work and you are sure you want to try then follow your heart. Just know that there is a chance this isn't for real. Be prepared with a new studio as a backup and the worst thing that can happen isn't that big a deal.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/15/2012  7:15:00 PM
I am thinking of going for it...just scared. This is unlike a regular dating situation. I think I will try booking the last appointment of the day and take it from there. My fear is I don't want to lose him as an instructor. It's so complicated and like you all said, it may not be real, just an illusion...somehow I don't think so, but have to consider all possibilities.
I really don't want to have to give up dancing, but the only other studio in my area is off-limits for me bacause I already tried it and the instructor's wife is basically insecure and jealous type. She is a $%&*@! and thinks all students if they are young and reasonably attractive, are there to get her husband...so that's completely out of the question for me. And I really love to dance, so I don't want to give up dancing

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