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Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by lol
10/17/2013  1:10:00 PM
Well... just to reiterate. It's there job to make you feel special. The reason the other studio's wife doesn't like you is because she knows youre just another one of those girls who don't understand that. And trust me, after enough experience she cant tell it by a first impression.lol
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ballroomchick
4/17/2012  12:44:00 PM
Think HARD about what you want in a relationship. It gets dicier when going for a dance instructor. Are you willing to come 2nd or 3rd in his life? His livelihood IS to be around girls and his work schedule goes into the evenings and weekends as well as out of town with these girls.

I've been watching a couple for some years now. He is a very good looking and charismatic dance instructor. He has a good string of dance students and he goes out of town with them often. When these 2 DO go out to dinner with friends they often split and both work the room. Often times he gets caught up or forgets to come back and be with her before it's time to go home.

Now he is getting back on the professional dance circuit and found a new partner who lives in another state. They take turns every other weekend flying to each others state to practice. This is even less time for his relationship at home.

It could work the other way. If he is perusing you to a relationship it could work out like my instructor who taught his (now wife) to dance and compete on the professional circuit. They retired from that when the kids came. He teaches and has a string of competitive students. She use to teach and have competitive students as well. Baby sitters ARE expensive.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/17/2012  7:33:00 PM
I completely get what you are saying and thank you. However dance is not the only profession where you work nights and weekends and have long hours. I am a physician and I work those hours plus I also have access to other male docs, some of whom are single...the point is, should I give up on someone I like and who maybe likes me, because of what he does? A lot of dance is illusion, but that doesn't mean these people don't have real relationships. However your point is well taken and thank you again...I appreciate everyone's input and suggestions. I still feel I am stuck, and basically have 2 options- go for it and risk getting hurt, or do nothing and maybe lose out on someone I really like...
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ticodance
4/18/2012  3:28:00 AM
Of course you have to risk it!
The worst regrets are about things we didn't do!
So you should at least try!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by ClumsyFellow
4/18/2012  5:02:00 AM
You are being played, be scared that you don't see it. Your situation isn't any different than the hundreds of threads banging around in dance forums. There is no upside, enjoy it for what it is; a fantasy.

Dance or Date your choice but just think of how much you will enjoy your boyfriend flirting with other women...mmm, scrumptious.

Good Luck, I look forward to the new thread that you will be starting in a few months.

Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by sbrnsmith
4/18/2012  3:40:00 PM
Definitely possible that I am being played as you say. That's a cynical view and you are certainly entitiled to your opinion. I don't think I am naive, but neither do I want to be cynical and miss living my life. I have been thinking long and hard about this, instead of impulsively doing something I may regret. I haven't been able to get rid of the feelings.If I don't try, I'll always wonder...if I do, I may get hurt...I might as well toss a coin. This is not an easy decision
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Freya LeFey
9/1/2013  7:40:00 PM
I find myself in a similar place as you. Here's the plan I developed to figure out what is going on.
1. The lessons are about me, not about him. Ask for nothing other than what you are paying for. If you dress nice for your classes you are doing so so that you like what you see in the mirrors, etc. I don't even instigate hugs. Seven lessons in and he finally instigated a hug and it was a great hug at that.
2. Give him a background check via the internet and don't tell him. Practice your surprise for when he tells you the things you have already gleaned so that you are not hungry to get to know him better. Independent research doesn't lie.
3. If he starts probing with questions about things other than dance make him admit that he wants to know. If he does he probably cares about you.
4. Don't be afraid to warn him off a little. In the pick-up artist community this is called a "neg". Examples include: backhanded compliments, feigned frustration, etc. This might seem counter intuitive but someone that genuinely likes you when negged unexpectedly will seek your validation.
Try reading The Game by Neil Strauss for pointers.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by swoop7
4/22/2012  6:44:00 AM
I think a lot of people have experienced this. I enjoy going to my studio and I enjoy the people that are there. But it is definitely a business. They embrace (Literally) you when you walk in, when you walk out, and it's a very friendly atmosphere with flirting going on all over the place. My instructor is an intelligent beautiful younger woman and of course she just has that look that screams "come to me". Let's be honest....most dance instructors are attractive people....

They flirt (for the most part) in order to keep the students coming back. Let's face it, if you weren't having fun at the studio, most would stop going. Left foot here, right foot there is not fun...it's the personal interaction with the other people that keeps us coming back. A real simple way to figure out if there are feeling between you and your instructor is finding out how he interacts with you outside of the studio away from a studio event. Does he call you on his personal phone to say hello or does he call you only from the studio?

When I leave my studio, I do not hear much from my instructor until my next lesson. I'm OK with that as well, but that solidifies the belief that the flirting is purely for business purposes. Also, perhaps you can hang out at the studio and watch your instructor interact with other students. Does he flirt with them also? If he does, then it's all part of keeping the money flowing through the studio.

My point is, if the instructor is not making contact outside of the studio, then he is probably not interested and his actions are likely just to keep you coming back.

Just my two cents.
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by LRVWB
12/20/2013  4:08:00 PM
Swoop7, that's the wisest answer I've read so far!
Re: Falling for my teacher
Posted by Linda Schlensker
4/21/2012  7:14:00 PM
I am a female teacher and co-own a school. I saw some good points being made about some unethical teachers who do take advantage of students. Like any profession we do have our bad eggs. However, I would like to say that there are many of us who have policies in our schools that forbid teachers from dating students. If we regard ourselves as professional teachers, we have to be guided by professional ethics. Teachers are in a power position and must not take advantage of students. It is not unusual for students to develop an attraction to their teachers. Deep friendships can develop. However, in many schools, a teacher may be fired or be forced to hide a relationship that goes beyond friendship. What happens to you and your dancing if he is taken by surprise by your interest and doesn't feel as you do? Will you be able to continue dancing with him? What if he is a bad egg and will play your feelings in order to get cash? Teaching dance is his career. Perhaps you are his best student right now. What happens when another student come along who dances better than you. How are you going to feel about the fact that he spends every day with other women in his arms. Will you be wondering if he has feelings for any of them?

I would suggest that anyone who feels as you do should ask themselves some serious questions. Has my reason for taking dance lessons shifted from learning how to dance to paying for time with the one teacher I want to be with. Is the dancing even important anymore? If I had to choose between dancing or that person, which would it be. Would I be willing to ask my teacher to make the same choice?

I hate to sound like a wet blanket, but I have observed similar situations many, many times. It is rare for this to have a happy ending though there are a few times when it has worked out. My best wishes for you whatever you decide.

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