I would like to learn some very basic ballroom dancing with my wife. I am not interested in socializing and would like to stick with my wife, family and close friends at events such as weddings. I have 'space' issues, or, as my friends say, I'm a 'touch me not'. We tried to take some group lessons and because I didn't read about the class format, it was a complete disaster. The teacher said 'rotate' and the lines shifted, carrying me along. I didn't know I should have asked the teacher about stepping out of the rotation. Hell, I didn't know I was going to freeze solid face to face with a complete stranger who was smiling sweetly and encouragingly, everything I had tried to learn in the prior 10 minutes completely gone.

Any thoughts on trying again? Any thoughts on venues to practice in where no one will take offense at our not-so-social behavior?

Thanks.
Al

A very American style of teaching B/room. In the UK that seldom if ever happens ( In Salsa, yes ).

You real option is private lessons.

Al, welcome to that wonderful feeling of being totally out of your comfort zone! The good news is that happens to everyone as you're learning, particularly something like ballroom dancing. My husband and I started two years ago in group lessons and that struggle is always there. The brain freeze you mentioned is something I accept as part of the process. I don't like it, and may get discouraged, but when it clicks and you make progress it's all worth it.

As far as our class,I can only speak from our experience, but we take lessons at our local art center and our group classes usually have 3-5 couples and a few singles. We only rarely switch partners, so don't think what you had is the same everywhere. Our group is very welcoming and supportive. Everyone has to start somewhere, seriously! Also, very quickly you'll notice that everyone's trying to hard to learn, they're really not paying attention to you. As far as places to dance, you'd be surprised how many locations there are. You can always stop in, just to see what others are doing. You'll probably want a few lessons before you want to hit the floor. I hope you're able to come back from this set-back. Good luck!

Can you separate (mentally) your dance classes from dancing at weddings and similar events? There are actually some advantages to dancing with other partners in a learning situation. When you always dance with the same partner you learn each other's mistakes, and compensate for them. You will become a better dancer if you dance with other partners. Remember, it's only dancingin class. Does your instructor ever act as your partner briefly in order to demonstrate or clarify something? Think of dancing with another partner in class in the same way.

Thanks for the feedback. I was already leaning toward private lessons, though the cost may be an issue. Alternatively, I might also try stopping by a few places before group classes and explaining my preference and seeing if it's a big deal to be a non-social dance student. If I had taken the time to read about how such classes are typically conducted in my area, there wouldn't have been a problem in the first place.

And nloftofan1, it takes some serious concentration for me to stay calm when someone I don't know well gets in my space like that. So, if I could work with just one teacher and had time to get used to the situation, that might work.

If anyone has other thoughts, I'd still love to hear them.

Thanks again.
Al P

very good post. I completely agree with this. It is much better to dance with different partners at least at a certain phase of your dance training/education.

I honestly do not think changing partners in the beginning is a good idea. It puts way too much pressure on an already stressed leader. At our studio, we do not change partners in the group classes until much later. There is a degree of intimacy that one just has to get use to, and it can be difficult even between spouses. Be warned that if you take private lessons, you will have a very hard time dancing at social events such as weddings because usually these events have small dance floors and people are very close. Most can't dance so they are flinging themselves about while you try to navigate. At least in groups, you have to keep an eye out for others and you do learn some floorcraft.

Learning to dance and learning to dance with a different partner are two different things. Yesterday for class hubby had to work, so I danced with 4 different people --two instructors and two leaders. You really do learn so much more from dancing with others. I had to adjust from a 6'5" man (my husband)down to a 5'3" female dance instructor! It's a challenge, but it helped me find what I needed to work on. It's very easy to rely on your regular partner to pick up the slack for you-not good. I've been taking lessons for over two years and know these people well, so it's a positive for me. The men would really rather just dance with their spouses, but sometimes our instructors encourage switching partners.

However, when you're first starting to take lessons, the brain's on overload just trying to remember right/left and forward/back! I don't think switching partners then is conducive to learning or creating confidence.

Regarding lessons, I started private lessons two months ago and love them. I've heard 1 private can equal 6 group lessons, I agree. But I still do group as I enjoy the camaraderie and learning from others. As for the finances, for us, we weren't able to get to the group lessons so the cost of one private equaled the cost of our group ones we missed.

Don't get discouraged. Everyone hits walls where you want to give up, it's part of the process.

Many years ago (over 40) I took lessons in Johannesburg, South Africa, at Wells Sissons studio. There the classes always rotated partners and there were several reasons for that. First there were many single people who were wanting to dance, and they would have been forced to take private lessons without this method. Secondly, what do you do when you are at a staff Christmas dance, and the big boss asks your wife for a dance, and you feel obliged to dance with his wife? (Or her husband - as the case may be). If you have never danced with anyone apart from your own partner you are quite likely to end up a nervous wreck. And another reason is that sometimes you will understand an instruction in one way when the instructor meant something completely different. I remember once where the instructor (Ted Russell) tried for several months to get me to do something, and I always insisted that I was doing it. One day his wife (Gerda Van Niekerk) saw what I was doing and told me to do the same, but in different words. I did it and Ted said that was what he had been trying to teach me for months. But the difference in words suddenly made it clear for me. That is what a different partner can do - explain in different words how you should be doing a particular step. So I would recommend that you try to relax, enjoy the dancing, and never fear a different partner - it can only improve your dancing and confidence in leading or following as the case may be.

Tommullan, isn't it fascinating how we can "hear" something but it doesn't click? I find the learning process fascinating. We're lucky that we have have two instructors, male and female for our group class and sometimes one will say something just a little different than the other and the light bulb will go off. I truly admire the patience and creativity of instructors. At least the ones I've had so far; I'm aware not all have that same temperament.