I am a newcomer to the dance scene and have a great deal of difficulty relaxing when dancing with my instructor. I've taken lessons for about three months. I am a somewhat shy person by nature but have no problem dancing with fellow dance students as far missteps, nerves, etc. Being 5'7", slim and large busted I have problems maintaining correct posture, which I'm working dilegently to improve. It seems that I think about posture every waking moment now and feel that my posture has improved some in just this short time. I take group lessons and get very tense the moment my instructor decides to dance with me. Each time he begins by correcting everything from my head postion to my toes before we even begin which is what I believe he is supposed to do, but for some reason, I get tense. Then we begin to dance and I blow it. I believe that I'm thinking so much about technique that I forget the steps. When I'm dancing with fellow students, I probably think more about having fun and just getting the steps right. I took a private lesson with my instructor to try to learn to relax with him, but wasn't even able to look him in the eyes while we were dancing. Should I just stop worrying about technique so much and concentrate more on getting my feet right for now or should I try to work on everything at once? I've really been bitten by the "ballroom dancing bug" and feel my desire to dance well far exceeds my abilities Thanks in advance for any advice or suggestions on ways to relax besides drinking two margaritas before class which probably would throw my balance off more. (just kidding)

Welcome to my life! I've been dancing for almost eight years, and I teach social dancers, and darned near every time I dance with one of my instructors I get tense! "Relax," they say. "I AM relaxed!" I say through gritted teeth. I don't know that I can offer any tips, except to not worry so much about being perfect and just enjoy the moment.

Newcomer,
Don't worry!! Nervousness is normal when you first start dancing!! Here's my best advice for you: When your instructor corrects your frame, posture, feet, alignments etc. before you begin dancing, remember- he is just trying to get you to develope the HABIT of going through a checklist before you start moving. In the long run, it will make things easier and more comfortable for you and your partner. So here's how to handle the situation now: practice going though the checklist before you start your pattern, then FORGET ABOUT TECHNIQUE while you concentrate on learning your steps. Your instructor knows that it is impossible for the human brain to process so many new and different pieces of information all at once. (He was once a beginner, too!) After you are comfortable with the steps and don't need to concentrate on them anymore, gradually work in the technique while you dance. (And practice, practice, practice patterns on your own as much as possible!) If this doesn't work, and your instructor is indeed a whip-yielding perfectionist, try to talk to him about how you feel. He may not realize that he is expecting too much too soon, and he is probably making other students nervous, too!! If this tactic doesn't work, I reccommend strawberry margaritas... mmmmmmm.... with the little umbrellas of course...

I believe you are trying to think about more than one thing at a time and that is impossible. Think of getting your feet where they need to go only. Just the pattern of the dance. When that becomes automatic you can then add a little techniqe and style. Do you remember when you first started driving? It took 100% of your concentration. Now you can do it without thinking. Dance is the same.

Well, you are definitely not the only one. I have felt the same kind of pressure that you describe. I too had to deal (and still have to) with the shy factor in addition to the "new to the ballroom dance scene" experience. We all want to show our instructor that we are actually learning something by trying to remember and work on the material. I have been going to another studio lately and have been dancing purely for fun, could care less of what people were thinking or saying (well, almost ), i just danced for fun. This taught me to relax on the floor and suddenly i remembered some of the thoughts i learned during private lessons. I am not saying that this is what you should do, only that you are not alone in this situation.

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and support.

One of my teachers once told us that you can tell the difference between an amatuer and a professional dancer because a professional can maintain perfect posture for 3 minutes, most of the time. You are in good company if you are constantly thinking about your posture. The fact that you have noticed improvement in three months is wonderful!



I'm a firm believer in "that's good enough for now", and I try not to point out everything my students are doing poorly all at one time. I'll start by correcting the one or two biggest problems, as your instructor does, but then ignore the rest.

It is perfectly normal to get tense when someone points out your "flaws", it is a natural response. I would hope that your instructor would pick up on your discomfort, but since he hasn't, you might want to overcome your shyness and mention it to him.

Next time you have a lesson, ask your instructor to dance with you (without instruction) for the first couple of songs. That way you might be able to relax before you start.



If you are doing American Smooth, or International Standard you shouldn't look him in the eyes anyway, but A. Rhythm or I. Latin will include eye contact.

Again, if you take another private lesson start with dancing without instruction to see if you are more relaxed once the instruction starts.



Nobody can think about everything at once. Even the apparently perfect competitors are concentrating on specific aspects of each step and pattern they dance. They just do it very quickly, and only concentrate on specific aspects of each step.

If I were your teacher, I would suggest trying to get the patterns "correct" before worrying about too much technique. Dancing is supposed to be fun, not work! Once you've got a good base for being able to move on the dancefloor you can focus more on perfecting your technique.

(My advice is based on being a social dance instructor, not a competitive instructor. In my experience instructors who train students for competitions spend incredibly more time on technique for very simple patterns before moving to slightly more complex patterns. I think focusing to much on technique when you first start can be frustrating, but if you are training for competitions it is probably the right way to train.)



I think most people involved in dancing would agree that their desire to dance well far exceeds their abilities! We are always our own worst critics, after all.

Good luck, and talk to your teacher about being tense, I'm sure he's dealt with it previously.

Kevin

Don't worry about the technical stuff right now... after a number of private lessons with my instructor, not thinking about what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing, just dancing and talking I learned to relax... it makes it alot easier!!

Easiest thing to do is to sleep with him/her (or them both), get rid of all that sexual tension. Or, you should imagine them in their underwear - like public speakers are advised - as a consequence of which the former might result, if you are lucky. :o)

GT.

I'm usually quite nervous dancing with people who I think are substantially better than me. It can be really inhibiting - eventually I get over it, but it may take a long time. Getting comfortable dancing with some of my initial instructors took months. In other cases, if I came into the first lesson with a decent amount of confidence, it wasn't too bad.

But it's never constant. Not too long ago I danced for the first time with someone I'd known for quite a while but somehow never gotten a dance with, and was a real nervous wreck. Around the same time I danced some stuff with a visiting world-class pro - and realized only afterwords that I'd completely forgotten to be nervous.

I think maybe the key is to think about what you can learn, and not worry about what the other person thinks of you. Especially in a teaching situation, what will most please the other person is that you project a real desire to learn - even if you are having incessant difficulties with the material.

It does get better - on average - but there can always be frustrating relapses.